.abuse is not worth it my little ones daddy abused me when I first met him..he said he could not have children and I ended up pregnant with my little one 3 months later. He accused me of cheating. My DNA test came back positive 99.999% his, but long story short he ended up giving me, two black eyes and knocking my teeth out and cracking a rib please do not stay in an abusive relationship.
#LessonsLearnedTheHardWay
We separated and got divorced,while My Lil man was still in diapers.

This is not difficult to answer to me. Maybe she won't believe if I warn her, maybe she will be with him regardless of the warning, but as a woman... Scratch that... As a human being, I feel it would be my duty to at least tell her. The decision on whether she takes a chance on him or not will be fully hers.

it drives me crazy when people stay in a repetitive abusive relationship... but to try to tell someone they almost have to learn for themselves,or they do not want to accept it or believe it..
and then there are those that stay in the abusive relationship thinking it will get better I have rarely ever known it to get better, just my opinion.

This is how many women in domestic violence situations get killed. Department of Justice will verify that.

It is THE most dangerous thing for a woman to fight back.

this is true I ended up just laying there,until he left, until my other son called 911 because of fear

I'm sorry, sweet sherrie. I can relate.

When my ex boyfriend put his hands on me...all my friends and family could do was give me their opinions/advice and be there for me. But it was ultimately my decision to make. Until someone makes the choice to leave, there isn't a lot anyone can do. They, of course didn't want to be around the guy...understandable

If i were in the shoes of the potential abuse victim, i would be very appreciative of the warning. Id rather go into a relationship with both eyes wide open, rather than with one eye shut.

Yes, it may very well be possible that i would find the information impossible to be true. I might even think badly of an ex or whoever for being jealous and wanting to sabotage the relationship, but on the other hand, i may also lean on the side of caution and be more observant of the guy's actions and words, not just towards me, but towards others as well. On the rare exception that he changes, then there is still less harm in "seeing to believe".

It becomes more difficult for those wanting to get out of the situation if they feel that no one is there to understand or support them. Co-dependency is part of it, but learned helplessness is also a big factor in those not being able to separate from destructive relationships.

Learning to trust others once you have been abused is doubly difficult. If i were already deeply involved, only to realize that someone could have warned me but didn't, even if i had wanted to get out, it will feel impossible to achieve. Also, I'd be more inclined to approach someone i got angry with for telling me the truth, rather that a so-called friend who remained silent when s/he knew i was entering trouble.

There are many ways to warn a potential victim, mostly depending on the status of your relationship with them. But the most important part of it, i think, is that whether they may believe you or not in the first place, in the end they know that they can count on someone to help them out of the situation when needed. So the manner of approach is important.

I feel that regardless the situation, whomever is entering such a relationship, has it much worse than the person warning them of that relationship. But whichever course of action you choose, it's more important to know why you're doing it, so that no regrets in the end. Weigh the status of your relationship and decide on what's more important. But as the dictum goes, love your neighbor as you love yourself, and an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure... And if he does become worse, and death is a possibility, well...

I used to say no one will ever put their hands on me. The truth is that mental and emotional manipulation/abuse goes with it. There are different reasons and situations that make it harder to leave...plus people are different.

There are resources available (at least where I live)

I recently helped my old youth minister with this subject. He was giving classes to help abused men and women (yes men can be abused) and their families. He used my situation and what I knew to help understand. It was great therapy for me to talk about it instead of making excuses for him and protecting him.

It is true, that the victim of abuse probably won�t listen. It is something that she has to come to - not to tolerate such a behaviour. But it is on me to warn her if I knew that he is agressive. If somebody is blind, standing on the cliff where he can fall from, woudn�t you do everything to stop him? I know, that I couldn�t live with my conscious if I wouldn�t at least warn her, even if it would be pointless.
And also, however she decide, I would offer her any help and support I could give if she would want to leave him.
But final decision is always on that person.

to be fair the thread should read WHEN THAY rais there hand,,MOST ppl would rather turn there head at a woman putting her hands on a man,,my ex had no problem beating on me from time to time,,and she was in law inforcement, it was no big deal, i would just hold her hands so she couldnt hit me,but afte 18 years of taking that,,will NEVER let a woman ever hit me again!!!

You are right, Nascar. Any abusive behaviour from anyone - man or woman - is just simply NO

That why i was so careful to be non- gender specific in my posts...

It is different for men...it's just like when people say women can rape men.

now you lost me,,i had a friend we'll say,,this friend was only 14 and a 34 year old woman druged and raped him..kinda f ed him up for a few years whe it came to having sex, yes men can be raped!!!

having dealt with young men who were the victims of abuse and rape, this comment is very ignorant.
men and boys can be and do get raped.
even if it may not often be made public, it leaves emotional destruction as it would for a female.

It is not the same for men, I'm definitely not ignorant, thanks.

Please explain how it is "different" for men........you make it sound as if men have no feelings....I am pretty sure they are human too, just like women...... and are capable of the same feelings.......

I deal with the question of abuse and intervention on a daily basis. It's a part of my job description and there isn't a more complicated human endeavor that I'm aware of, except maybe being a cop.

The (constructive) posts here have been right on the money in my experience. The (again, constructive) 'testimonials' - for lack of a better term - are also spot on.

The only thing I might add is that there is a cultural bias toward abuse. Even my saintly, feminine to the nines, loving and caring old grandmother once took me aside and commented, 'That woman is head-strong. Sometimes a man has to put his foot down. Paddle her aZZ, Jeff.' (we were talking about my wife, at the time).

Abuse is a learned response, to some - and maybe a large - degree. Sometimes it's learned 2nd hand, what one grew up seeing in their own family, movies, tv, literature, games, music, etc.

Sometimes, it's learned 1st hand as a result of failure to control impulses - The abuser tries it and it generates the results he/she desires. They then refine the abusive repertoire.

There are other possibilities, as well.

My input is this: By all means, warn the potential abusee. Be prepared for the likelihood that that will do NO good.

Then, provide the most important thing you can - Be that person's safe haven. Be the one that listens, that cares, that offers a comfortable alternative to what the abusee knows and lives. In short, be the friend that he/she needs. It's possible that YOU are the only one in the abusee's world that does so.