100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: LAUGH YOUR SORROW AWAY | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
I laugh at, and about, everything. This trait, has a tendency to p!ss people off. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I laugh at, and about, everything. This trait, has a tendency to p!ss people off.
or intrigue I get that a lot myself too hmmm |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I laugh at, and about, everything. This trait, has a tendency to p!ss people off.
As long as you do that with my posts, that would make me happy. Wait, are you laughing with me or at me? 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.
Each was asked this question during their interview: "How much is two plus two?" The mathematician answered immediately, "Four." The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, "Four, plus or minus one." Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, "How much do you want it to be?" 
Little Rachel was practising the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the newspaper. The family dog was lying down and as the screeching sounds of little Rachel’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?" 
"Correspondence from son away at college to his father:" Dear Father, School is really great. I am making lots of friends and studying very hard. With all my stuff, I simply can't think of anything I need, so if you would like, you can just send me a card, as I would love to hear from you. Love, Your Son. After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back. Dear Son, I know that 'Astronomy', 'Economics' and 'Oceanography' are enough to keep even an 'Honor' student busy. However, do not forget that the pursuit of knowledge is a Noble task, and you can never study enough! Love, Dad
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 out of 10 doctors think 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"They walk among us" [Source:'Unknown']
I walked into a shop with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "Buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches......... ..........and I walked out the door. "They walk among us and many work retail." =============================================================================== A friend of mine bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. My friend decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale �50." The next day someone stole it. "They walk among us." =============================================================================== One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?" "They walk among us!" =============================================================================== While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." "They Walk Among Us!!" =============================================================================== I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a Week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." "They Walk Among Us!" =============================================================================== My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." "They Walk Among Us!" =============================================================================== My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. "They Walk Among Us!" =============================================================================== I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. "They Walk Among Us!" =============================================================================== I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" "They Walk Among Us!" =============================================================================== While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces." Yep, "They Walk Among Us"! =============================================================================== "They walk among us, AND they reproduce.."!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Kaustuv1
on
Tue 04/21/15 03:57 AM
|
|
"Marriage" [Source-'Anonymous']
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said "you're obviously not listening". Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. No it'��s not Cucumber! It's called "a wedding cake." Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up"!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
One day an old poodle starts chasing butterflies in the African bush and before long, he discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here". Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," Says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees Him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, Monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving Canine!" Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!" "Moral of this story:" 'Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BullShi'T' and Brilliance only come with age and experience!'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn'��t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, "Why did you stand up?" He answered, "��I didn'��t want to leave you standing up by yourself."
It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off. " The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
wow!......this is great I like it. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn'��t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, "Why did you stand up?" He answered, "��I didn'��t want to leave you standing up by yourself."
It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off. " The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
wow!......this is great I like it. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Kaustuv1
on
Wed 04/29/15 03:54 AM
|
|
"20 Things That ONE Ought To Do In Life!"
01. Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!" 02. Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.' 03. Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away. 04. Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now. 05. Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly. 06. Buy a do-nut and complain that there's a hole in it. 07. Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream. 08. Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it. 09. In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go." 10. Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato. 11. Call McDonald's asking for directions to Burger King. 12. Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!" 13. Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment. 14. Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple. 15. Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's. 16. Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by. 17. Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again". 18. When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away. 19. Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!! 20. Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hillarious
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A man met a lion in d bush, he knelt down, closed his eyes & started praying. When he opend his eyes, he saw d lion kneeling in front of him & was praying too. He was shocked. He asked d lion "Are u a Christian"? The lion replied "Mumu. Dn't u pray b4 u eat"? D man fainted. Dn't laugh alone. Pls put a smile on someone's face by sharing. Who is Mumu?...
you know 'MUMU' is a local slang here in Nigeria which indicate an idiot....and if you read the story, you will see that man is an idiotic person asking the Lion "are a Christian?'....laughing..... ah...aah....!!!!.....still....laughing.!!.. eeeh! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
"20 Things That ONE Ought To Do In Life!"
01. Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!" 02. Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.' 03. Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away. 04. Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now. 05. Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly. 06. Buy a do-nut and complain that there's a hole in it. 07. Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream. 08. Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it. 09. In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go." 10. Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato. 11. Call McDonald's asking for directions to Burger King. 12. Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!" 13. Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment. 14. Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple. 15. Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's. 16. Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by. 17. Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again". 18. When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away. 19. Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!! 20. Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"
wow!!!...this is very funny I like it...so keep it up. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thank You.
 (@ Jnessa & pope4u)
01. The saddest moment is when you return to your ordinary life after watching an awesome movie. 02. Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping. 03. I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong. 04. Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough. 05. Stop editing your pics. What if you go missing? How do you expect us to find you if you look like Beyonce on Facebook and Chief Keef in person. 06. The only reason I know how to spell 'beautiful' is from Bruce Almighty. 07. Today; I saw a baby with a shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas!" 08. I love the relationship I have with my bed. No commitment and we sleep together every night. 09. There's a big difference between a 'bear hug' and a 'bare hug'...! 10. Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed, I cut myself... a piece of cake.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Comedy of errors : A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife. he accidentally typed d wrong email address, and without realizing he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading d first message she fainted. The son rushed into d room, found his mother on the floor and saw d computer screen which read: 'to my loving wife, i knw u are surprised to hear from me, they hv computers here and we are allowed to send mails to loved ones. I 've just been checked in. How are u and d kids, d place is realy nice but am lonely here. I hv made necessary arrangement 4 ur arrival 2morrow. Expecting u darling. I can't wait to see u. Don't laugh alone pass it on. I like this one! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Pretty sure the change us for our benefit, not so much there's although if that occurs as a result what harm is there in that.
I forget what #, 'God made mankind. Sun made him evil.' It's more like God made mankind. We love sin so much we view him as evil. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Pretty sure the change us for our benefit, not so much there's although if that occurs as a result what harm is there in that. I forget what #, 'God made mankind. Sun made him evil.' It's more like God made mankind. We love sin so much we view him as evil.
|
|
|
|
|
