i've recently separated from my husband of 15yrs. how do i get back out there

just like this! welcome to jsh...make an intro to the New Members Area!!

i'm so there with u!!! like slowhand1 said, welcome to jsh...a good place to start

look and chat and find that right some one for u and will love u for you and your heart in lie

yeah and were all good looking..especially me...and the doctor above me

wow, i didn't know what except on there but thats great thank you

I wish I could help. Separarted for almost a year and divorced for five months. Not a friggin clue. Just keep your head up and feel free to call.
Ole Geezer

for some reason i haven't been able to take that next step. it's been so long since i've even thought about dating or meeting some one new

so poison have you dated at all since

if you have a lot of pain to deal with
go through the grieving process before you become involved with someone else...

take time to decide what you want and need from your next relationship and try to connect to that person...

don't rush
the right person will enter your life soon enough
just make sure you are in a position (in your life) to accept your new relationship

Just recently separated after 15 years. I would take a break before I got back out there. Welcome to JSH.

wow...15 years huh???? I coudn't even keep a boyfriend more then 1 month, cause to me the flame gone bye bye after that long. Anyway...it's easy how to get back...here's how :
1. Forgive and forget...I know it's hard to do
2. Take a "r u over u'r ex yet?" test ( b honest 2 u'r self)
3. Sing an old song called "The king of wishfull thinking" and "Shut Up" daily...u'll feel better...I do...
4. Get out (with your friends..) and have fun...all the time
5. Whatever u do...don't think it's u'r fault that's u've gone separate way
6. Remember...U R prettier than him...it's true...
7. Don't take my words for it....I don't even know how to commit
8. Stay beautiful, safe and GOOD LUCK!!!!

I feel your pain! Just ended a 3 yr relationship a few months ago under unhappy circumstances. Best thing to do is put yourself right back out there, don't have to marry the first person that comes along! It's important to have people around you that can relate though. If you don't do anything but make new friends for a while, that's good enough. At least you are moving forward, not backwards!!

Take it slow and find out where u wanna go now in life!!!

Steph...

Believe me when I tell you the dating world has changed in that many years. I would keep friends close for support, and come in here to chat with all of us. MOST are really nice people. You will find jerks along the way, ignore them. This is a great place to make friends...male & female.

I'm sorry for what your going through, most of us...have been there...done that.

steph, i have totally been there..it hurts and it's really hard to be alone. but make sure u are ready to start dating before u do. don't do it just as a rebound. but i agree with the other posters. these people on this site are very sweet and supportive. just slowly work your way back into it. i promise u will be fine. i am proof of that.
Becca

Keep friends close, have fun
Have a good buddy to talk to
Don't ever just settle, for anyone
Get caught up on things(stay busy)
Don't be afraid to cry
Take time for you, to heal.
Have a great time making more friends on JSH.
Take a vacation
Find or resume hobbies

Welcome!

After something important in your life crashes and burns it is probably a very good idea to step back and regroup, assess, and plan for the future rather than just dive right back in.
There is a reason they call the recently newly single "walking wounded" and nice and smart singles usually give them wide berth. Nothing judgemental or unkind just letting you get your footing, figure out who you want to be now you are growing again, and self preservation. Unfortuneately the players and the desperate (often for good reason) flock to them like magnets. There is an old axom (that years of moving around has proved true) and I think applys...the first bug to the bloom is not a bee but a fly.
Also a certain amount of "misery loves company" is ok. Greiving is not a bad thing and will happen sooner or later so if you try to skip it you are fooling only yourself.
However If you overdose on hanging out with other "divorced" people before you move on to the "single" crowd you may get stuck in the victim habit. They are not going to tell you what you contributed to the downfall of the relationship. Or what is keeping you from going into another.
Since your original question is "How do I move on?" I would say just by doing it.
Be your authentic self. Not what some dating site or other so called experts say is what it takes to find a partner. Who ever your find is going to eventually discover the real you anyway. If you are struggleing with who you are take some assessment tests. Talk to friends. Talk to some folks who might not be your biggest fans but who might be truthful. Look at who you have been it is a pretty good predictor of who you are going to be. MAYBE Your going to hate this one; but look at your same sex parent and grandparent.
Next make an effort to be your BEST self AND make it a habit. It is really easy to fall in to a dumpy, washed out, wrung out version of yourselfs after a bad relationship. Sometimes you have had help tearing yourself down and limiting your potential but often it is just a rut you fall in OR put yourself in to drive away the last person in your life. Could you do a little better grooming, rekindle some fun interests to share, plan your time so you have time for a new love interest? Can you talk about something besides your kids, your job, or YIKES your EX?
Check the "subtle" signals you send out. Are they screaming "run for cover" or an enthusiasitc welcome to my world. Do you make it easy for a potential date to contact you? Do you have a business card, answering machine, and a phone you actually answer? Do you make eye contact with strangers? One of them are your next love. Do you get out from behind your own door or computer screen on a regular basis? Do you have a neutral place you can easily meet and socialize with new aquaintences? Doesn't have to be a bar or a Mall (that sometimes suggests you are looking for a Sugar Daddy) or the most expensive coffee shop but it does have to be realatively painless to find. Do you know the address, zip code, phone number so they don't feel like you are being "difficult"? Are you wasteing your time on the geographiclly challenged? Come on how many times have you heard of long distance relationships working out? Do you go where the kind of person you want to be with is? If you want a professional you have to go to their world. You probably not going to find a family man at a bar. Not likely you are going to convert a Hell's Angel to a Choir Director. If you look in the same places you found your last love you are probably going to get stuck with the same, or worse, or no body because he has "poisoned the well". Maybe you can't move, or at least not immediately, but you can find new circles to try. Do something that is new but interests you. For you younger ones that thought community college was lame at 20 something might really like that fact that the average age on campuses is 35-40. Continueing education classes are nifty for the 50 something crowd. The best time to meet someone is whem they are having fun. Go to places that show hobby interests, play music, have food. There are some great guys hanging out in the cheap seats at ball games. The MOST attractive person in the world is the one who is laughing, talking, dancing, playing, or cheering people on.
Realize when you get out in the dateing world you get a repuatation fast. If you are nasty, stand someone up, are late, or just insufferable it gets around. If you have a bad day and act like a drama mamma say your sorry, no excuses, and don't repeat it. (If your on overload for any reason and it is going to torpedo your mood for a date it is better to reschedule or cut your losses than go out and have a sceen.) Word to the wise if you abandon a date at a resturant, movie, or stadium tell someone so they aren't looking for you. One it helps the "jerks" reputation preceed him not you and can keep them from ignoreing you if you really do need help in the future. Along that same line; if you go somewhere regularlly and your date is insufferable tip generously on the side. Service people can often give you subtle clues if a date is a good "person" or not. Guys rarely admit it but they gossip as much as gals. If you have to sow your wild oats expect your name is going to end up in the bathroom wall somewhere with the attending circumstances. Don't be stupid; if you even suspect you have an STD, stop, see a doctor immediately, and shut up about it. If you accuse someone you can bet they will spin it on you publiclly. For that matter do not discuss your sex life period. Never record it unless you want the world to see it. DO NOT EVER suggest you are pregnant until you know it for a fact and who. The only thing men hate worse than getting trapped is getting PG Scared. They may actually be supportive at the time but it chills their interest and is something they share even with strangers.
The single "territory" today is pretty much like it used to be. Some places are in and some are out. Luckily the newspaper and computer do a little better job of identifying "singles" activities so read up. I have found that often they publish this stuff last minute but it comes in cycles so you can make a social calendar for your potential dates. No offense guys but you do seem to need to be lead socially. Suggestions that you are interested in something is fine but keep it modest. Also contrary to what you guys say you do not like being asked or for women to pay the bill. Repeatedly I hear well she was acting like a wife, or my Mom, or a feminist, or I was feeling like a kept man, or I wasn't provideing enough on dates. You want to show your appreciation prepare a picnic, share a DVD you own for a movie night, babysit their dog for a guys night out. If you are buying expensive gifts you are buying your dates and it should tell you something.
Last but not least tell people you are open to meeting nice people. Don't whine but say things like; have them talk to me at lunch, dance with me at your party, volunteer at the such and such event I am going to be at, or send me an email. Co workers and bosses can introduce you to compatiable people but keep it to people who you are NOT dealling with in the capacity of performing your day to day job. Chances are if you are suggesting you are available to people in your work, church, and vounteer settings you are "setting yourself up" for a few unwanted attentions. Be very clear who you are and are NOT inviting in your life. Handle inapproriate advances immediately, professionally, and discreetly. Then even if they introduce you to a troll say thank you. If they fix you up with someone interesting keep the details to yourself!!! If it later goes down the tubes don't take it out on them for your decisions. Matchmaking is only as good as the information you are giving someone to match you and even then sometimes best first efforts fail. It is a numbers game everyone plays. Be generouse and one of your"past" friends may actually introduce you to your future loves.

wow!