Akpos died and went to Heaven.
As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he
saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'Why all the clocks?' St. Peter
answered, Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone
who
has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock
move.
Oh, said akpos. 'Whose clock is
that?' 'That's Mother Teresas', replied St.Peter.
'The hands have never moved, indicating that
she never told a lie.' 'Incredible', said akpos.
'And whose clock is that one? St. Peter
responded,
'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have moved Twice, telling us that Abraham
told only two lies in his
entire life.'
'Where's our politician's clock?' asked Akpos.
St Peter replied, they r in the office.
We're using them as ceiling fans'

Dangerous and Expensive Silence:
A certain man found his wife with another
man in their bedroom. Instead of shouting or
beating both of them, he just looked at them
and went back to the sitting room. He
switched on the Television and started
watching some gospel videos. The wife and
the boyfriend were in panic. The boyfriend
dressed up and came by the sitting room
then he said, "Sir am sorry for sleeping with
your wife". The husband replied, "such
happens you can go..."
The boyfriend left. The wife never came out
from the bedroom, till it was time to sleep.
The husband switched off the Television and
went to sleep in the bedroom. He found his
wife sitting on the floor crying.
The husband never said anything or even
asked her about the episode.. He just slept
and covered himself with a blanket. In the
morning when he woke up, he found his
wife dead. The wife committed suicide in the
middle of the night as he was sleeping. The
husband was jailed for 20 years for murder.
Question:
→Who was not fair?
1. The husband,
2. The wife
3. The law

JUST 4 FUN!!!
Please if ur Daddy is a landlord
and ur Mummy is a landlady
What r you?

A Prof and Akpos were
seating next to each other in a
long flight.
Prof said to Akpos: lets play a game, I will ask
you a question and if you didn’t get the
answer, you will pay me $50,
and if u ask me a question and I
don’t get the answer, I will pay you $5000.
The Prof started: What is the distance from
the earth to the moon?
Akpos doesn’t say a word, he
reaches his pocket and pulls
out a $50 and gives it to him.
Now it’s Akpos turn to ask,
He said: What goes up the hill
with 3 legs and comes down with 5 legs?
The Prof thought for a long time,searches the
net, and
asked all his smart friends but couldn’t get
the answer.
He reached his pocket, pulled out a $5000
and gave it to Akpos.
The Prof got mad and asked Akpos:
Well, what the hell goes up the
hill with 3 legs and comes down with 5 legs?.
Akpos just dipped his hand into
his pocket and gave Prof $50
and said: I don’t know also.
Describe Akpos

If you give her sex, she will say
you are
after
her body; if you don't give her
sex she will
say you are not man enough.
If you give her money she will
say you not smart; if you don't give her
money she will
say that you are stingy and
greedy.
If you are very caring she will
take you for
granted; if you are not caring
she will say
that you don't love her.
If you always call her she will say
that you are
disturbing her; if you don't call
her she
will say that you are cheating
on her.
If you dress very well she will call
you a
player; if you don't dress
well she will call you a dirty guy.
If you are
quiet she will say that you are
too
boring. If you are not, she will
say that you
are too
lousy.
Help her in the kitchen she will
say that this
man is a womanizer; if u
don't help
her
in
the kitchen she will say that this
man is
using her as a slave. WHAT DO U
REALLY WANT GIRLS???

A rich man's son who was classmate to
Akpors told him dat most adults are hiding at
least one dark secret & dat this makes it very
easy to blackmail them by saying,"I know the
whole truth." So Akpors decided to go home
& try it out.
He got home & as he is greeted
by his mother he said,"Mama, I know the
whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him N500 &
said,"Just dont tell your father."
Q...uite pleased, he waited for his
father to get home from work & on arrival his
greeting to His father was"Papa, I know the
whole
truth"His
father quickly took him aside &
gave him N1000 saying"just don't tell ur
mother" wow! Amazed by dis, he ran out to
meet d gate man saying"I know the
whole truth"d gate man quickly dropped d
padlock & embraced him really tight n
said" thank God you finally discovered im your father.....!!
Akpors fainted!!!!

Look wee man, no c**t cares about this Akpors guy, ok? Whoever told you that you were a comedian, were lying, cos you're as funny as a kick in the baws with a pair of steel-toecapped boots, believe me!

Its a bit of Nigerian humour.....
Akpors is a very popular Nigerian self confessed personification of stupidity.

The Adventures of Akpors - Akpors in The Chase

Well they can keep it Mikey! I'm watching re-runs of the Paul Hogan, show from the 1980's over here in the UK. Class!

they might think hoges is weird....oiy is that the Aussie Paul Hogan??

You could be right? As that southeast England mob are as bright as a power-cut Mikey! ha ha

he is damn funny...

ok

Hi Dave,
U got to crash your jokes to 4 lines; something like this:
This morning, this morning, young Akpos got up at Night and declared aloud: Now I know the Truth.
His mother cried out: Hush Baby, go back to sleep; you are having bad dreams again.
Over b’fast, Akpos said to his Paw: Maw knows, I know the Truth.
Paw looked at Akpos then up at the crucifix adorning the wall. He said: Now Akpos, you know why we have the Cross over there, it’s to remind us what happens if we insist on telling the Truth.

Or maybe he should try crashing it down to 2 lines?
Cannot become black belts overnight you know.

This is good one... Human beans...

TEACHER: What is the opposite of Ma?..
AKPOS:Sir.. TEACHER: Good, so what is the
opposite of Madam?.. AKPOS: Simple, it is
SIRdam
...................................................................

INTERVIEWER: Mr Akpos, where can you see
yourself in 10 years?.. AKPOS: A mirror
...................................................................

OCHUKO: Nice phone. Where did u buy it?..
AKPOS: I won it in a race.. OCHUKO: Which
race?.. AKPOS: Me, the phone owner & the
Police
........................................................................

TEACHER: Why did u bring a rope to the
Examhall?.. AKPOS: My dad told me to SKIP the
questions I don't know
........................................................................

TEACHER: What are the 3 fastest ways of
Communication.. AKPOS: Television,
Telephone & Tell-a-Woman
........................................................................

That's how AKPOS was asked to come for a
Party with his DATE, Akpos went there with a
CALENDAR
........................................................................

TEACHER: If someone from Lagos is a
Lagosian, what is someone from Moscow
called?.. AKPOS: A Mosquito
.........................................................................

TEACHER: Angrily called Akpors daddy on phone because Akpors cant spell "LION".
AKPORS DADDY: aaarh.."LION" is hard now...you would have asked him to spell small animals like "MOSQUITO"

AKPORS was mentally sick and was taken to a psychiatrist.
After a long time the doctors decided to put all the patients to a test to knw who has recovered.
They project a shadow that looks like a door on a concrete wall.
And all the patients started to run towards it..trying to escape...
But Akpors didnt move. He was still sitting down.
The Doctors concluded Akpors has recovered...
Doctor: Akpors why aint you running to that door like others?
Akpors: I have the key to that door..let them keep running..when they r all tired..i will go and open it.
Whoz case is worser?