At the zoo, when a gorilla dies, I read where they hire an actor to play the part until they can get a new gorilla. Well, the actor was really getting into his role and climbing over the lion cage when the lion jumped up and reached a paw to grab him. GARRRRRRRAAAAA! Screamed the actor.
"SSSSSHHHHHHH! DO you want BOTH of us to lose our jobs?" said the "lion."

Satan walks into a chapel. The whole congregation clears out real fast leaving only satan and a man sitting alone in a pew. Satan walks up to him and says... Hey don't you know who I am? Why didn't you run from me like everyone else? The man turned and looked at satan and then said.. Yes your satan. I've been sleeping with your sister for 25 years.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."



A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn'��t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, "Why did you stand up?" He answered, "��I didn'��t want to leave you standing up by yourself."


It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"


A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"



Q: What is the difference between snow-men and snow-women?
A: Snowballs.

Kaustov, your first joke made me

Finally! A breath of fresh air and putting the funny back in funny.

WhisperingLeaf and Godistheanswer, cute jokes.

[Thank You Lady]