Hello minglers! I have come to the end of an almost nine year marriage
I knew it was over many years ago but, I pushed through like the stubborn man I am. I can fix anything, except for my marriage. I hope to hear from others like me, that have been alone even while married and just want someone of the opposite sex to talk to. All our welcome, but no carnies. They freak me out.

Divorced, no kids, no house, no job, no degree, disabled veteran.

Keep your head up, you have kids to raise and you have to be a strong role model for them. It's hard out here, even without kids but don't give up.

It's not easy dating and when there are children involved it makes it more complicated. Just take your time and there will be someone who will love you and your children.

Make sure you are healed before entering into a new relationship.

I have been alone while married, so we separated,, our lives our bills our homes,,,,

I also spent time enjoying spending time with just me,, so that I wasn't driven to have someone just to avoid it

then I was open to the idea of meeting that one I actually really WANTto share time with,, instead of one that just is cool to have around to avoid spending time alone,,,,

The ladies are right, it is better to be alone than to be with someone who won't treat you and your kids right. Focus on them right now and enjoy the time you get to spend with them. I know it feels like there is a hole in your heart and you think about what else you could have done to fix it but it wasn't you that was broken. I wore those shoes and they hurt more than your feet. If you and your kids are healthy you have a home or apartment, a job, you're actually a better prospect than a lot of single guys for one special woman. Understand not finding her yet because you are still technically married. Take your time. Good luck, hopefully you find her soon.

you call it the equivalent of the plague in your title and you talk about being separated.
many of us are not opposed to dating a single parent.
it's the separated part that gives pause.
separated means still taken and it seems like being in that kind of relationship would be cheating.

it's not that a person won't love you and your children.

it's not easy man i'm hearing you. And the worst part is when the kids are constantly asking to do stuff as a family and you try to organise things only to have Mummy bail at the last minute because she is getting drunk. Not easy for a single working dad raising 3 kids with no friends or support left because you have sacrificed youre own social life to support your family only to have it fall to pieces around you

All of you bring great and valid points to the table. Thanks for posting, talking makes it easier. Primitive 316 seems to know best where I'm coming from. My wife and I were married for almost 9 years. 8 of those with her being addicted to pain killers. She still is.
German, first I'd like to thank you for your service and sacrifice. Its not right for you to be in the situation you're in.
I should have done something about my situation long ago. But I was too stubborn, thought I could fix it. Now i know I can't. I understand the ladies points and I agree. Its hard, BC I want to find what I've been missing for years.
My kids are most important, and I can be on my own until the time is right.

If she hasn't already, she needs substance treatment. Cause it will only get worse and the likelihood she'll overdose is high (if she hasn't already).

If you know you can't fix it, then I'm wondering why not just divorce then?

Being separated and dating is still cheating.

I used to take pain killers after a car accident that should've left me dead. Eventually I realized that nothing killed the pain or my ex's abusive mouth, except sleep. I was only taking them to block his azz out.

Be done with it.

Focus on the children as they deserve your full attention during this time of change for your family.