Its a difficult choice ,whether we hang in there and hope that we can make things better or whether we throw the whole thing away and start 'fresh'

its a conundrum that applied to slaves (who would rather die or kill their children to keep themselves or their kids out of slavery)

that applies to battered spouses (who are determined not to give up on the person they love and the hope they can work together to get through the problem at hand)


it even applies to the occasional job that we cant stand but believe will improve with time to something we can at least bare,, or that we cant stand and walk away from in the belief we can and will find something better


,,,,when do you decide to choose hope over 'freedom'?


is it sometimes the wrong choice, ?

I cant think of a situation where I would take my life or someone elses except to save another life LITERALLY,, and not just their 'way of life'. I cant justify not choosing hope

yet, I did leave the marriage of my youth and


I sometimes wonder if I had had more hope in working things out in my first marriage,, we may have ended up a stronger and more awesome couple, or just one that was riddled with disease and children we struggled to support,,,,,



do you ever look back? or have you mastered the skill of only looking forward?

I look back all the time...my ex husband and I had a wonderful relationship for 11years...the last year things got bad...he spent all his time on line in chat rooms...I spent all my time venting to my family about him...he's remarried now and seems happy...I do wonder a lot though...should've got rid of the computer...maybe talked to him about how it bothered me....hmmmm...oh well...life goes on...eyes forward...keep trudging through the muck...there's bound to be a good guy out there for me somewhere....then again...maybe not...

lol,, I can relate to that latter part kindle

with one change

...there's bound to be the RIGHT good guy out there for me somewhere....then again...maybe not...wink

When I opted out of my marriage it was clear to me that this was not the person I could in anyway live the rest of my life with! It was Crystal clear to me when he refused to see who He was! I worked through everything I could with him! He could not and would not concede that being a womanizer was a fault in HIS character! He cared nothing for our children either which was evidenced by not paying child support as he was required to do. The result...children who have no care for him even as a human being although I have asked them to forgive and let go! I'm totally confident I made the correct decision and would never ever retrace my steps!!

Do I give up hope for something better?? Never have, never will!!!

A very thoughtful question MsHarmony. But I would turn the question on its head and ask when to choose freedom instead of hope. I believe in hope first and foremost.

But when to choose freedom? I think some great answers were posted in the toxic topic. If there is abuse, to me there is no question but to leave. If there is just a question of drifting apart, and no chance of changing that, then it's up t you to decide to stay... I personally wouldn't.

Some couples achieve a mutual arrangement for children's sake. Sometimes that works, but kids are very good at picking up on any animosity or resentment... better for them to grow up with happy single parents than miserably married ones I'd say.

If you choose to, you can forgive, but I never forget. >Forward.

I always choose freedom, once all hope has been exhausted.


Do I look back and wonder/regret? Nah. I always make the best decision given the information available at the time and after careful consideration,

so playing Monday morning quarterback with the events of my life isn't ever a part of the equation.









Question for you, OP: are you bound by some sort of literary license to insert slavery/unfair treatment to blacks in EVERY single thread you start, regardless of where you place it? Like, will you lose sponsorship if you DON'T insert those topics into EVERY discussion no matter how unrelated they, in fact, are to the subject at hand?

I stayed on a marriage that was rocky for years, for the sake of my children! It took me years to draw the line...and I had always hoped that things would change for the better, but it never did! It took others to tell me not to hope for better things from a partner that isn't dependable....and it took 'an incident' to open my eyes to see it for what it was, I had been blind to that.

It is time to move on, I have done my part....but will I look back? Of course, I have to remind myself of what I had gone thru, and learn from it....be positive and look forward!

thank you for the feedback, and actually, I tend to post in the moment of whatever I have experienced or been involved in during that moment, which is not really that often about slavery,, though it may SEEM that way because of the sensitivity of the topic

the other day, I wrote about 'allegations' (with no reference to slaveyr, by the way,,,lol) because I had been listening on the news to stories of women claiming they had been sexually assaulted


today, in listening to a history channel about the American timeline of slavery, reconstruction, and civil rights, I saw a story of a woman who killed her child rather than having it taken into slavery,, which made me think of how many ways in life we make that type of choice and if its the right one,,,


people kill themselves to escape the misery of their life
or they end their marriage to escape the misery of it, or they abort an unborn life to escape the struggles involved in raising it
,,,,,,,,,it all kind of went through my head as similar choices,,,,,and it wound up here in the d and r thread

there are several topics like that, at least half of those I initiate (and I also do not really initiate many of these topics)are coming from something happening or being witnessed IN THAT MOMENT

Oh. My bad, then. It must be my browser acting up again.


On my screen, your OP started with:



followed by a whole bunch of words and then ended with:




Oh, and on my browser, this was in the "Dating and Relationships" community.




You come across as such an intelligent person; intelligence usually comes from being well-rounded on a vast array of many, many different subjects, rather than being solely focused on just one or two.

I Believe maybe the 'whole bunch of words' could have provided a context that showed it wasn't an isolated issue of any sort and did belong in dating and 'relationships'

True. But it was an odd lead-in example to the other "Dating and Relationships" topics you threw in afterwards.


On my browser, anyway.


I've just often wondered what your thoughts on OTHER subjects are and got a little *titterpated* when I saw you'd ventured into an unfamiliar community, that we don't normally see you in.


In any event, I answered your question to the class, first thing in my first post.

We are all slaves to love. So there.

It's almost funny...been divorced for almost 10 years...been in several relationships since...really don't mind moving forward...but when my world flips upside down he's the only one I wish I could talk to...must have sent him 100 texts this weekend...I am so sure his wife hates me...hmmmm oh well...at least he is a good sport about it...

Although, I can recall, the historic context, that Las Vegas was once a very heavily segregated city...
I can't find in any history book, any mention of where
slavery was ever legal in the state of Nevada.

Guns N' Roses - Used To Love Her