Yup, keep it simple.

Yup, keep it simple.

and put it on the list?

You made me laugh again! Thanks!

are you the Op??

I just learn to care less, then you don't get so disappointed.

The question is-- how will you handle disappointments within your relationship?

I was in this situation awhile ago. I was never used to this kind of situation and i felt very disappointed not to him but to myself. The lackness ones ability to fulfill ones reques. I failed but God knows i tried my best.

There is a difference between expectations and judgements of others. You can be too judgmental. That's an ego thing.

Subject was self disappointment.

Lower self expectations just means to me you'll never amount to "nothing". How's that for judgmental?

Yeah; I see where you are coming from. For me my self-expectations are high as I didn't get where I am in life by not being that way. However; I have learned that disappointed comes if I think the other person has to meet my expectations. I can still feel self disappointment as I in my mind; I am the cause of why the relationship failed. So; after a while; I just stopped caring and went about my life solo. In the end; we need to do what is best for our emotional state; so we each find our own way to deal with self disappointment.

I think that when we meet the one person who WE(both partners) can be happy with in every way, that we can not disappoint the other. Not saying there are never any disagreements in a relationship, but you can't beat yourself up for not "fitting together" if you're not a match (self disappointment). It will come. You have to be open to it. You can't completely close yourself off forever. It means being willing to be hurt and learning, yes, what you do want and don't.

Actually; I have closed myself off forever and now just put all my efforts into community and volunteer work. I find it very fulfilling actually.

I know you have.

I did too. For about 4 years.

Wow; that comes as a surprise that you have closed yourself off. I really don't know you but you didn't strike me as the type to do that; especially after reading some of your posts.

I'll message you. I should write a horror script about my last 18 yr marriage to a psychopath.

I was disappointed when my star ship landed on planet Earth. Does that count?

Ok, I may get flamed for this, but what the heck.

I have to disagree with those that maintain you should have high expectations. There is a world of difference between having goals and dreams, and expectations. We dream of our soul mate, we have very specific goals as to how we go about life and find our soul mate (being in Mingle2 is one, right?). But if you sit down and write everything you expect your soul mate to be, you will probably never meet that person. Love, and relationships, are a compromise. When you say you met your perfect match, is that really true? What do you mean by perfection? I'd submit to you that often (and maybe every) perfect match does not meet ALL your expectations.

Just sayin'

One thing I've started learning about recently is Tao. I'm still learning about it, but I think at least one wise thing it suggests it that you let go of your expectations but do set goals on achieving happiness.

I think the hardest thing for people to do (I include myself) is to let go of things that in the long term are not that important in your life's journey.

Btw, I consider not dating a serial murderer to be a goal, not an expectation.