.. why do so many people stay in them..hmm.. I have chatted ,with quite a few. ladies that were in a toxic relationship... and for the life of me I can never figure out.. why they remained in the relationship as long as they did.... not only toxic.... but even in the beginning of the relationship.. just by listening to what they had to say... you could tell the relationship was not off to a good start..... how many times I have heard women say... he never even gave me flowers... never took me out for dinner.... and forget about having him help me with the housework...
. let alone spend a pleasant afternoon shopping.... I would be lucky if I received a birthday card on my birthday.... he was either too busy with work... or out with his friends..so even at the beginning the warning signs... where clearly there!!! ... WHY DO THEY STAY... why did you stay..
and have you learnt enough about yourself... now!!! to never repeat.. getting stuck in a toxic relationship again..... honest and sincere replies please.... and it's not just limited to women... because believe you me.. I know toxic....

hummmm, who said the deepest scars? Was that a quote that Leigh put up?

Of course I learned quite a bit about a psychopath and no empathy and the cunning manipulations with criminalistic tendencies. And I was difficult to kill.

Why did I stay? The stoopid American Dream fallacy and the children. Then there was the fact that my parents were married for 54 years, I figured there must be something wrong if I couldn't make my marriage work.

In the end stress overcame me and gave up the dream.

Sometimes people get in a comfort zone.

Sometimes people complain about the bad and forget to talk about the good.

Sometimes it's just fear.

Sometimes the sex is just too good.

As far as I'm concerned, if they're still in the same relationship then it can't be that bad.

Awww... you seem to have a better dream now though... .. thanks for sharing..
.. yes that all-important illusion..
have that Norman Rockwell picture..
a lot of us have.. instilled in our psyche..
..

I'll build a new house though.

Fit...
some good points..yes

. but staying.. does not always mean its good.... I hear what you're saying..
..but.. sometimes.. staying seems. safer than leaving... it is not easy starting over again... but that is exactly the inner conflict I am looking for.. to hear from others... what did they tell themselves too .. to allow themselves to stay.. in such a toxic environment.

.

Women in those relationships are controlled...because I am rebellious he tightened the reigns even more. I remember him saying as I asked for my divorce and he backed me into a corner, physically...he said, "I will make you wish you were dead."

and this did come true for a time during the years of the divorce. He did make sure my life was a living hell.

I think it's always for financial reasons. I have never heard of a wealthy woman who would put up with a man like that.

Hmmm.. yes.... money and wealth..
give the illusion of freedom....
.. but love the need for love...
. trumps money most of the time...

.. she could be wealthy.. and not have the financial worries of starting over..

.. but it could be something else her partner holds over her.... or perhaps she holds her money over him... putting him in a toxic relationship.

Has a lot to do with your past, 'traumas' you didn't deal with or convictions you were raised with.
If you got low self-esteem, you look for someone who confirms that view of yourself. Simply because if someone would compliment you, you'd feel very awkward, wouldn't believe it, probably even think you were being lied to. It feels alien, because you're not familiar with feeling - or being made to feel - good about yourself. Feeling like crap however, is what you are familiar with, and oftentimes feel you even deserve that. So .. someone who gives you that, makes you feel good in a weird kind of way... Probably because it confirms your image of self. Feels safer than a new image you don't even recognize in the mirror...

Also the stuff about yourself that you do not want to acknowledge, keep hidden in the dungeons, can play a big part in this attraction to a toxic person.
Some of our uglier sides we rather not face. Because that would mean we have to do something with it, and we don't want that. Almost everyone fears change and certainly confronting themselves with their less pleasant sides.
So ... then you find a partner who embodies these nasty sides. Then YOU don't have to change, but you DO get to whinge and complain about it, tell the other how bad/wrong etc etc he/she is.

Leaving such a relationship is difficult if you're truly emotionally involved, because you often get 'puppy trained'.
--> You are not always treated like crap, not always taken for granted. Mostly in a toxic relationship you also get good things. And for the 'victim' the good things outway the bad.
Like a puppy they keep waiting for the next treat (good thing), because it feels soooo good!
ANd you know what you got, and you also know that if you leave, you won't get the treats anymore either.
So you keep fooling yourself that things will change .. and every time you get a treat, you tell yourself "See!! I'm right!! Things are looking up!!!"

Lot of psychology .. usually it means you gotta sort out your own garbage and carefully work through it, painful as it may be.

A bad relationship is like a bad job. The reasons that men stay in bad jobs are the same reasons that women stay in bad relationships. There's nothing psychological or mystical about it, unless the woman is just insane.

Sometimes you get so caught up in helping the other person you forget to look out for yourself until you realize just how bad things are.

It is a link in a long cycle of abuse. It can happen very subtly. These men follow a pattern of sorts and the women are usually kind gentle soft-hearted ladies who have a tendency to believe they deserve that treatment or that the men really are sorry and it won't happen again. They are usually isolated in some way that makes them depending on their abuser. Prayers for them all <3

That too...and by bad it's financially bad.

yes this is a scenario.. I have noticed that is repeated.. isolation.. a lack to better resources ..so to speak.
.. and.. I can see how security.. like one would find in a job..lol... would also be a factor.... but it is the underlying problem of self worth... or not being exposed... to someone who sees worth in them....

so apart from the obvious.. that men are pigs..lol... why do we.. not including myself of course..lol..
behave so badly...

The rich wonder why the poor don't want much money..and the poor wonder why the rich won't share..I guess it all depends on your perspective the way you judge people.

.. yes.. I think the rich view the poor..
... as lazy..underachievers..

... and the poor.. just wonder why the rich.. think they are entitled to so much more.. than everyone else..


..

Because they want to..

because they want to...lol

.. perhaps there behavior has never being corrected... like puppy training another member mentioned...
. they are just lacking the proper training.... so shouldn't their wife.. have spent time training them... even perhaps his mother...


. which brings up another question.. where are.. the mothers in all of this...
. do they just look the other way.. they know their son is behaving badly... treating a member of The Sisterhood poorly... but is it possible..
.. that their blind love for their son... keeps them from .seeing him.. as a tyrant he is known to be...