"How can I get what I want and still not have to put myself out there?"

this is essentially what I wanted.

...finding out that she has a boy friend made me quite bitter inside, because I didn't make my intentions clear...

Machiavellian

I'm sure fleta's telling you what you want to hear...

...since you've put up such resistance to *every*one who's told what you DON'T want to hear.


Yes...your (self-admitted) social awkwardness/uncomfortableness aside, I still stand by what I'd originally posted...and what others have echoed. And yes, you should include "that part"...IF you were truthful about your feelings in your opening post. IF you feel that strongly about her and IF it doesn't work out with the current guy she's seeing and IF you're still available,

why wouldn't you want to try again, when the timing's right???



In your OP, you appeared to be asking "What's the best way to handle this?", not "How can I get what I want and still not have to put myself out there?"


Sorry...life - and especially love - doesn't work that way. As you've already discovered, which is why you're in this predicament,

remember?

I will whine and complain, make excuses, but in the end I'll do the right thing. I do apologize if I miss lead you, but please don't tell me what I want to hear, tell me what I NEED to hear.

First off it is about a girl.
It's difficult to explain without sounding like a sap.

I don't know if I can remain friends with her. She (I'll refer to her as J.) and I have only been friends for about 4 months with the intentions of dating. About a month after we met I lost a friend of mine in an auto accident. So I used J as a distraction to help get me through the loss of my friend, and I have become quite attached to her. I however never told her of my friends passing. I recently asked her out and found that she "(I) recently acquired a boy friend" her words not mine. finding out that she has a boy friend made me quite bitter inside, because I didn't make my intentions clear. I have tried to remain friends with her, but it is difficult given my feelings for her.

Some sound input on this matter would be appreciated.

So, I told her today.
I told her everything. I told her about my friends passing, how I developed a dependance, how I could not be friends with her, how I couldn't be anything with her except dependent on her. I don't know if this was right or wrong, I just know she gave me a hug and walked away.

First off it is about a girl.
It's difficult to explain without sounding like a sap.

I don't know if I can remain friends with her. She (I'll refer to her as J.) and I have only been friends for about 4 months with the intentions of dating. About a month after we met I lost a friend of mine in an auto accident. So I used J as a distraction to help get me through the loss of my friend, and I have become quite attached to her. I however never told her of my friends passing. I recently asked her out and found that she "(I) recently acquired a boy friend" her words not mine. finding out that she has a boy friend made me quite bitter inside, because I didn't make my intentions clear. I have tried to remain friends with her, but it is difficult given my feelings for her.

Some sound input on this matter would be appreciated.

I'm thinking, Green, that maybe you are confusing two things, real love and feelings you developed out of dependency. You needed an anchor in troubled times, she was that anchor. But that's not the same as true love. Like Stockholm syndrome, ppl can make themselves fall in love with someone to survive / feel better etc. Your feelings will still be intense, but not necessarily real love.
Based on your story, I'm thinking maybe this is what happened. Not saying it is so, just casting a different light on it, the first thing that came to mind when I read your story.

So, I told her today.
I told her everything. I told her about my friends passing, how I developed a dependance, how I could not be friends with her, how I couldn't be anything with her except dependent on her. I don't know if this was right or wrong, I just know she gave me a hug and walked away.

This is what happened, I needed an anchor and she was there. I developed a dependency on her like a drug (bad analogy but it's true), so I told her everything.



My intentions here were not to plant a seed, not to guilt trip her, not to gt any sort of reaction from her. But to tell her why I'm not going to be talking to and hanging out with her anymore.

This is what happened, I needed an anchor and she was there. I developed a dependency on her like a drug (bad analogy but it's true), so I told her everything.



My intentions here were not to plant a seed, not to guilt trip her, not to gt any sort of reaction from her. But to tell her why I'm not going to be talking to and hanging out with her anymore.

My intentions here were not to plant a seed, not to guilt trip her, not to gt any sort of reaction from her. But to tell her why I'm not going to be talking to and hanging out with her anymore.

shame you said anything to her. for you to expect a woman to be cool with you being so shallow...well hindsight is twenty twenty

life isn't always about one's personal feelings. she was being a friend, and you couldn't give back, because your feelings were hurt that she got a boyfriend

at least, hope you learned that relationships are two way streets. heck sometimes you end up losing more often than gaining in real relationships(parent/child for example)but the relationship is worth more than the few times you come out on top

best not to try and fix this. let it go, and next time you find comfort in someone (especially someone of the opposite sex) put yourself in their shoes before you make an emotional decision just because you want to feel better. godspeed, bulldog

I don't know why so many missed this part. It was in your original post, which is why I'd said what I had in my first reply to you.

Regardless of any other factors, she was a good friend to you when you needed a good friend; if for only that reason, she deserved to know the real reason why you no longer wish to be in contact with her.


Best of luck to you.