First off it is about a girl.
It's difficult to explain without sounding like a sap.

I don't know if I can remain friends with her. She (I'll refer to her as J.) and I have only been friends for about 4 months with the intentions of dating. About a month after we met I lost a friend of mine in an auto accident. So I used J as a distraction to help get me through the loss of my friend, and I have become quite attached to her. I however never told her of my friends passing. I recently asked her out and found that she "(I) recently acquired a boy friend" her words not mine. finding out that she has a boy friend made me quite bitter inside, because I didn't make my intentions clear. I have tried to remain friends with her, but it is difficult given my feelings for her.

Some sound input on this matter would be appreciated.

Seems you've been caught up in the"friend zone",I can relate to that,and feeling a little bitter too,I've learned from it though,but try not being bitter,cause the only thing you will do is hurt yourself and maybe lose what maybe a good friend,and I think you should tell her everything,lol am not sure though,but don't make it seem as though you're looking for sympathy,or you're weak ECT,and you should find other girls to talk too and don't be around her so much,and that one just probably wasn't for you,do you know how many fishes in the sea broe ?Hope I been of some help broe!

I'd say you should tell her the truth, pretty much like you just posted here.

"I'm sorry...but I can't be just friends with you. During our time as 'just friends', I developed stronger feelings for you and had hoped that you and I would work towards developing something bigger. I wish you the best, and if it doesn't work out, let me know...

...maybe the timing will be better, the next time."



Oh, and mean ALL of it, when you say it.


Any woman worth her weight will understand and not press for more of you than you can give.



Best of luck to you.


Edited to fix: "Any women worth her weight..." WhatTheHel...

~pffffttttt~ I've been reading too many scammer messages.




@ awater: Thanks! Seeeee??? I'm not ALWAYS "a meanie". HA!

Great advise,you're a smart woman,no seriously!!

I agree

[qoute]
Edited to fix: "Any women worth her weight..." WhatTheHel...

~pffffttttt~ whoa I've been reading too many scammer messages.




@ awater: Thanks! Seeeee??? I'm not ALWAYS "a meanie". HA!



I know eh.

well this thread died out

did you tell her, green?

I would've given the same advice.

Not yet, I didn't see her today, and I think it's cowardly to do stuff like that over a text message or e-mail.

yup, face to face. Try it over a dinner, perhaps.

you'll have to forgive my rambling on, but the most difficult thing about this, is putting her in such an awkward position. I know she deserves the truth, and I have to tell her. But I don't want to make it awkward for her or make her uncomfortable. Maybe I'm just over thinking it, or I'm being selfish because I don't want to expose my feelings.



do I really want to include this?

Have things progressed with this "boyfriend'?
if so my opinion is.. bad luck...sorry...move on
If not maybe you need to sit down with her and talk it out..
you never know unless you communicate....communicate...communicate..

plenty of fish in the sea...
just tell her if she is ever single again.. to look you up..

In light of your last post OP, the only advice I can offer is:

She'll never know how you feel, if you don't tell her. At dinner was a good suggestion, but I will add, wait until you've both finished your meals. That way, should it not go well, you can simply pay the bill and leave without creating a scene or missing out on your order.

Truth is never a bad thing, and not asking yourself "What if?" repeatedly in the future is worth any risk, real or perceived.

Fortune favors the bold.

So I used J as a distraction to help get me through the loss of my friend, and I have become quite attached to her. I however never told her of my friends passing


You had a relationship with her (talking back and forth) after your friend died. And this never came up in one conversation.. about your friend dying?

I have never told of her of my friends passing, I didn't tell my family until 3 or 4 weeks after.

I keep a lot of thing to myself, I have never been very good at being social.

Ohhh.. and terribly sorry about your friend passing away..

....never mind. Don't tell her.

Well this sounds contradictory.

I'm sure fleta's telling you what you want to hear...

...since you've put up such resistance to *every*one who's told what you DON'T want to hear.


Yes...your (self-admitted) social awkwardness/uncomfortableness aside, I still stand by what I'd originally posted...and what others have echoed. And yes, you should include "that part"...IF you were truthful about your feelings in your opening post. IF you feel that strongly about her and IF it doesn't work out with the current guy she's seeing and IF you're still available,

why wouldn't you want to try again, when the timing's right???



In your OP, you appeared to be asking "What's the best way to handle this?", not "How can I get what I want and still not have to put myself out there?"


Sorry...life - and especially love - doesn't work that way. As you've already discovered, which is why you're in this predicament,

remember?