ok im 18 with a two month old girl. her dad has been in jail ever since she was concived and i just barely found that out on wednesday. he says he wants to be in her life and mine bet i don't know if i really want to let him see her of me. he wants us to get back together so we can be a real family. what should i do?

May I ask what he went to jail for?
I would say if it is harmful to your child- no...

Prayers for you to make the right decision!

i actually don't know what he went in for...

you and your child deserve better as you need to have him in your life , have you thought maybe he wants to get back together because of the child and not you... thats not right either... and if your not happy with him, then why be in a relationship,, there more fish out in the sea.... and you can find another man that will treat you and your child better

did u ever ask him why he was in jail? If he doesnt tell you, then he is hiding things. Thats not a way to start off a relationship. If he hides things from you, then odds are he will hide alot more from you. If he tells you, its up to u to decide what to do.

if he won't tell u u should cut all ties....i hate 2 say that but u don't want him hurting u or ur baby.keep safe!u can do this.

well in the letter he wrote me it said he wnt in for theft...

Try to google his name and see if anything comes up regarding his conviction.

well in the letter he wrote me it said he wnt in for theft...

Sounds like he needs a place to live....

sounds like he needs an outside connection in order to be released
sooner

but that is just an experienced guess

as far as him not seeing the child that will be up to the courts if you do not want him to he can seek visitation

the first thing you should do is find out why he is in jail to begin with

and where was he that you did not know what was going on

i am not saying drop him like he is fish guts in a week old paper

but let the system take its course and see what happens then

perhaps he realized his mistakes and wants to change

but he needs to be the one to make the effort to show he is changed

not you making the effort to change him

but what do i know

OK, you wanted advice. I will try and give you the best bigsister advice i can. You cared enough about him to have s$x at least i am understanding you to say this...am i right? No one is going to judge you here. Lord have mercy i have made MY mistakes along the way. BUT you really need to contact the dept of corrections and find out the truth on this man and his time spent in the crossbar hotel. You are ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY SURE he is dad? I am again saying I am NOT judging. When i was 18 I dated more than one man so thats why i am asking now. Life is sooooo short lilsister and you are soooo young! It sounds to me like your afraid of him, do NOT trust him and I will say as a bigsis to contact legal aid in your area of utah. Your in a humdinger of a state and i know how the peeps can judge in UTAH!
BUT the workers at legal aid can answer your questions. If it were ME I would go to child support enforcement NOW and fill out the papers. He needs to start being responsible as a PARENT. Running his mouth..blah blah blah is one thing. PROVING it is ANOTHER. I am being very FAIR here cuz some women are just as BAD as any man. I would take the advice from the corrections department after finding out the REAL TRUTH behind his conviction and do some real soul searching. Personally i would NOT let him move into my home, MY LIFE, and possibly cause you sooooo much heartbreak and grief. Life IS too short for this. You are doing fine WITHOUT a MAN in your life right now with your baby girl am i right? As a bigsister let me tell you this...you DONT need a MAN for happiness but YOU DO need and deserve all the happiness life has to offer you and that precious babygirl of yours. If he really IS a good father let him start by getting a J-O-B, paying his child support, take the advice of legal aide on the visitation if his conviction is only for theft but IF IT WAS ME I would be SURE he is stable enough for UNsupervised visits AT THIS TIME as he is just about to be released from prison. It always makes me ROTFLMAO at these men (and women too sometimes) who can magically REappear in your life with BLAH BLAH BLAH we can have a real family!!! Well!!! now aint that all sugah and loverly!! but out here in the REAL WORLD as a SINGLE MOM just like you and ME it aint just PARADISE and HAPPY HAPPY HO HO SNACKS. RESPONSIBILITY and a real and GENUINE parent is INVOLVED in that babies life.
Thats the best BIG sister advice i can give you for now. Let us know how it turns out because truly lilone...we DO care!

Barbiesbigsister

aint that about the same thing i said

but in more detail

most guys that are fresh coming out of a jail or prison have lost everything when they been in so long,,landlords do not wait friends forget bout you and most are looking for somewhere to lay their heads and what better place then to con the ex babys momma move on tell em hell no.if he was not with ya when he went in and being a man what makes ya think he,ll do so now jail repeat offenders can not be trusted, father of your child or not,best tell hiom to go to homeless shelter get a job and prove hes willing to go stright and make it the job at least 6 months to a year then if he casn do that if you still love him reconsider just my thoughts but its your life your choice protect that baby at all cost stay safe a concerned seen it happen friend

I agree with gregory!!!

Have you actually thought about what YOU would want?

You say you're not sure if you want to see him or let him see your daughter- perhaps you might consider what he could/should/must do to show you he is worthy of being with either/both of you...

Basically what Barbiesis and DJ said but try writing it down... what you actually want...

I find it helpful, my thoughts are clearer when the choices are in black and white pro and con columns.

Regardless, I wish the best for you and your child.

Before you apply for child support, realize that he will be given visitation. That is, you will be required to send your child home with him every other weekend, whether you want to or not. Find out why he is in jail, find out if you still want him to be part of the babies life, and figure out not only what you want, but what will be in your babies best interest.

Some men are just sperm donnor material and not father material. However, some will ask for visitation just because they are paying support. Paying support is court mandated, not an actual sign of wanting to be a parent. And, no child need to be in a situation where a parent is just getting what he is PAYING for. Children need love.

If it was me, I would run like heck. He needs a place to parole too and wants to get back with you for an address, who knows what his real feelings are and God only knows what "if any" kind of parenting skills he has or will ever have. I worked in the prison system for 17 years and I would never let an ex-con move in with me, especially with newborn baby. He can move to a halfway house and get his life in order and find a job and prove himself to you. What they said about visitation and all that is true so think long and hard about what you want to do, get legal advice and counseling if you need to. Protect your daughter and yourself at all costs. He is a big boy and he got himself in this mess, he can get himself out. You need to take care of you and your baby. You can call the Dept. of Corrections and find out exactly what he is in for and if he has any priors and what they were, if any were sexual crimes against children, etc.

Take care of yourself.

I'm speaking as a parent of an 18 year old...there are way too many hard-working, honest guys out there to be wondering if you should stay with someone who is in jail...for whatever reason! Think of your child. I know he is the father, but can he be a dad? Can he live up to all that being a dad means? I know you may feel that you owe your child, to keep your childs father in the picture, but you can still do that and get on with your life, too. Just make sure he is not a threat to you and your child. <hugs>

You're concerned enough to ask for advice. That alone should tell you something. You are your own best judge. Take a quiet moment, deep breathing and just listen to youself. What's the first thing that comes to mind? I'm a hardhead and don't like to listen to myself, that's where some of my problems come from.
Just remember, even if you think you made a mistake, you can fix it, life goes on...