the tedium of life is drawing me closer to ultimatum. been like this for a while but have been taught to pretend it's not the case. the light at the end of the tunnel is probably just part of the train moving towards me; as i lay down on the tracks. any advice for bleakness?

I can't tell you what to do with your life. I can only tell you what has worked for me.
Were it not for my faith in Messiah Jesus, I would have given up on living a long time ago.

i used to have faith until something really bad happened which caused me to lose it, but thank you for acknowledging me

My faith kept me together when my wife passed away.

Anyway, keep reaching out for help if you need it.

^^^ This is why I love being here

i was told by the doctor it might be just a phase. but this was when i were 8. and i think 18 years of this is a bit too much, over 2 thirds of my life on meds and in therapy. and even my friends are in the dark about it. the only think keeping me going is my sense of humor. and some people i see on this site cheers me up at times....

thank you all so much, i just had to let someone know,
(starting up crying again), thank you, this means a lot to me...

I didn't say that faith is all that one needs.

I myself have been taking a prescription anti-depressant for more than a decade, because I have a chemical imbalance.

For what it is worth, a medication can lose its effectiveness over time. In my case, my medication has been changed twice.

When dealing with depression, it helps to become involved in a cause greater than one's self. Maintaining some kind of exercise regimen also helps reduce depression.

Sunsets, Flowers, Summer Rain, Spring Flowers, Freshly Cut Grass, The Smile From a Stranger, The Smell of Leather, The Smell of a Horse, Sunrises, Freshly Cooked Bacon, Cute Puppies and Kittens, The Sweet Music Artists Share, A Walk In The Park, The Colors of Fall.......

There are so many many more reasons than what I have listed here (((Pete))).
Life is an amazing and beautiful GIFT that we have all been given.
Sometimes I know the path gets dark and our beasts haunt us.
It is in these times that we must take another step in our journey down our path.
Find your happy place, it will help you take those steps.

Although depression is a natural response, chronic depression is a treatable illness. Go to the doctor and get some help. You may be one pill away from being happy.

thank you so much for caring about a stranger, living with this is embarrassing, and painful. i just want to be normal, cause how could someone like me meet anyone if i'm feeling this way

i have been in therapy since i was 8, been on anti depression and anti anxiety pills since about 10 or 11 and had them changed maybe 5 or 6 times, had various councilors

You might be surprised Pete.
Someone may not see the illness but the man.
Anything is possible, I truly believe this and it is part of what helps me walk my own path.

i think i'm too emotionally sensitive (eg. i'm crying right now)

Good point...

forget that I have kids for a minute.
and I live for them...
.. but when I am feeling down..
. I think about all my forefathers..
. and how hard it was for them...
. it would have been easy for them to give up... but they didn't!!!..
. I am grateful... for their determination.. and making the best of their lifes... and so happy they did not give up... I may not be here if they did...

It's an amazing feeling when you realize that you really are not alone.
When you realize that people here on this site really are a caring bunch, isn't it?
One of the reasons I am still here.
It's okay to cry Pete, it tells you you are alive and human

i was hoping to be a cool guy when i first got on this site but now look at me, it's become more of an intervention. might as well change my heading to "emotionally crippled seeks anyone who could be bothered with me" lol

(((( Pete )))) sending you a big hug.
I agree with those who say have faith. My faith has also seen me through dark moments when I thought death might be preferable.
after that, there is also doing for yourself. whether it's counseling, having meds adjusted. there are things you need to take care of yourself.
reach out to friends. I think you said some of your friends are in the dark about this. surroundings yourself with people who care is always helpful. a good friend you can tell anything to, who can be there when you just need someone who won't judge.
and find an activity that occupies your time and heart. pet shelter, habitat for humanity, red cross, or anything you choose.
send you a big hug. feel free to message me if you ever want

.. welcome to the Brotherhood. and sisterhood..
. brother... we're all messed up.. well except for Missy..lol