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Topic: what's your advice
maheshc163 Joined Wed 02/12/14 Posts: 82	Mon 07/21/14 06:59 AM
My sister-in- law loves me, she is 8yrs younger than me. she is very stubborn. she has given a warning to me, if i don't marry her she will kill me and herself. All our family members like her very much, so no one is going to take my side. it's around 2 months back she proposed me and gave me the warning.i know she is in her teenage so no mature thoughts, but present generation girls are very fast. somehow i convinced her to complete the graduation, then i'll marry her. My problem is i have no feelings on her may be age difference between us or something, not sure. i always thought to marry a girl of my age sharing same thoughts and caring for each other. i never hurt other's feelings so i'm little confused with some more doubts in my mind. what's your advice, perspective, solution. feel free to share your views keep smiling :)

sparkyae5 Joined Thu 03/28/13 Posts: 1595	Mon 07/21/14 07:10 AM
My sister-in- law loves me, she is 8yrs younger than me. she is very stubborn. she has given a warning to me, if i don't marry her she will kill me and herself. All our family members like her very much, so no one is going to take my side. it's around 2 months back she proposed me and gave me the warning.i know she is in her teenage so no mature thoughts, but present generation girls are very fast. somehow i convinced her to complete the graduation, then i'll marry her. My problem is i have no feelings on her may be age difference between us or something, not sure. i always thought to marry a girl of my age sharing same thoughts and caring for each other. i never hurt other's feelings so i'm little confused with some more doubts in my mind. what's your advice, perspective, solution. feel free to share your views keep smiling :) ESCAPE !!! SHE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP ! REMOVE YOURSELF FROM BEING AROUND HER IF YOU CAN….'' REMOVE THE AUDIENCE AND THE SHOW CLOSES ''

maheshc163 Joined Wed 02/12/14 Posts: 82	Mon 07/21/14 07:32 AM
:) ya am doing the same thing now, am 400 miles away from her happy but have to attend her call

sparkyae5 Joined Thu 03/28/13 Posts: 1595	Mon 07/21/14 07:40 AM
:) ya am doing the same thing now, am 400 miles away from her happy but have to attend her call DO NOT ANSWER CALLS ! OR TAKE MESSAGES FROM HER----LIKE I SAID GET LOST!!!! SHE WILL THEN HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER TARGET---YOU HAVE A PART UPTILL NOW!!!!!!----

maheshc163 Joined Wed 02/12/14 Posts: 82	Mon 07/21/14 07:55 AM
i'll try, i'm trying to avoid her slowly step by step, she listens to me,but she is madly in love with me. so just fearing what to do next, whats her reaction would be. anyhow thanks for your suggestion:)

no1phD Joined Tue 01/07/14 Posts: 27442	Mon 07/21/14 08:01 AM
I may be wrong here... perhaps reading it wrong... she's your sister in law correct..?..hmm.. isn't she already married to your brother..

maheshc163 Joined Wed 02/12/14 Posts: 82	Mon 07/21/14 08:12 AM
she is my brother's wife's sister, so i think i may call her SIL.

sparkyae5 Joined Thu 03/28/13 Posts: 1595	Mon 07/21/14 08:25 AM
i'll try, i'm trying to avoid her slowly step by step, she listens to me,but she is madly in love with me. so just fearing what to do next, whats her reaction would be. anyhow thanks for your suggestion:) LIKE I SAID YOU HAVE A PART--IS FEAR A FAVORITE FEELING?? MOST PEOPLE STAY STUCK BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY ARE GETTING NOT WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING---GOOD LUCK IN YOUR LITTLE DRAMA TRIANGLE---EVERY ONE WILL ALWAYS END-UP IN THE VICTOM POSITION---ITS LIKE CIGARETTES YOU HAVE TO GO COLD TURKEY---

no1phD Joined Tue 01/07/14 Posts: 27442	Mon 07/21/14 08:26 AM
Ohhh.. I see now.. sorry I need more coffee.. just waking up..lol.. tell her to finish college.. then you will marry her... by then she would have forgotten all about you...ok

456tessa Joined Wed 07/11/12 Posts: 179	Mon 07/21/14 09:07 AM
If you marry her because she and your relatives want you to marry her than you will maybe make HER and THEM happy, but you probably won't make YOURSELF happy (if you have differnet feelings, wishes and expectations right now)..... unless making others happy makes you happy, too...so....it's really your decision... (I certainly would have doubts if someone tried to get me into marriage by threatening and emotional blackmail, and i would never care about other people's opinion...but that's just me... ). I would advice some waiting for both of you, after all you are both still young, and you'll see what time brings, it may certainly bring a change of feeling, wish, or situation on either side or both....

maheshc163 Joined Wed 02/12/14 Posts: 82	Mon 07/21/14 10:20 PM
Oh, my. Someone who professes love, will not also threaten murder. There is something wrong. I would call a suicide hotline if you have one available, for support advice with her area in mind. They may suggest a police report, but I dont know. Then, call her parents directly and tell them what she said in her threats as well as that you are bargaining with her in order for her to complete her education. It is possible that your interactions with her are not her first signs of disturbance, and they may know exactly what she needs. You could share what information you have from the hotline as well which will show them you are not playing and take it seriously. If you dont have her parents number, get it from your brother/sister by saying you want to arrange something for the family. I would not tell the brother/sister about it until you tell the parents. yes we have a suicide hotline. i got their number on google i'll call them and take their help. thank you :) she may be having some mental problem hope it can be solved soon.

maheshc163 Joined Wed 02/12/14 Posts: 82	Mon 07/21/14 10:25 PM
thanks to all for your kind advice. Be happy and keep smiling:)

dreamerana Joined Sat 09/21/13 Posts: 21544	Mon 07/21/14 10:28 PM
if she uses emotional blackmail now and you give in. think how much worse it would be if you have children together and she uses them too. she needs professional help.

Shy_Emo_chick Joined Fri 04/01/11 Posts: 4393	Tue 07/22/14 09:15 AM
I don't think it would be a good idea to remove yourself slowly. You need to be out of her reach as soon as possible. Lose all contact with her. Lose her number and any other form of contact you may have with her. Write her a letter, telling her exactly why you're cutting contact with her. Tell her in the letter how she is going too far. You really don't have to do it slowly. You are in charge of your life. I recommed you talk to a therapist about this too, so that you have that bit of extra support. My stepdad is quite an ogre, so I'm taking steps to move away from him.

SPINEY Joined Wed 06/25/14 Posts: 99	Mon 08/25/14 12:29 PM
Marry them both StArt a commune in Chisolm