I'm ruining my relationships (friends, family, romantic) simply because I'm afraid of being vulnerable. I made a promise to myself that I will never let anyone harm my body or betray my heart ever again. Now I've met a man who wants more from me...he wants my heart, my trust. I want to give it but that would make me vulnerable. How does one trust another and without risking betrayal...they don't. So i can risk breaking my promise to myself and become vulnerable to move forward with my relationships or I can lock my heart away, let it become hardened and become bitter and lonely.

Care, why not take things slowly. That way you will have the time to really get to know this who wants your heart. You don't have to rush into it. JMHO.

you have two questions to ask yourself are you happy the way you are living if not you have to chance taking risks, you have the rest of your life but you need to take it one day at a time, if you can do that you can move forward.

Unfortunately, there is always a choice to be made.

Do you take what you have learned from experience
and shut down avenues of approach?

Or do you try to trust again, leave your self open
to hurt and pain?

Your life will be the sum total of your choices.

Love is rather like the Lottery.
You cannot win...if you do not play.

My feeling is, do not hold the next one responsible
for the last one. Do not probe or test them with
that in mind, fear can be felt.

But be aware, of what you have learned.
Apply it when appropriate.
It is all very tricky, but I have faith you will make
your journey an enlightened one :-)

Because you are a deserving one.

I already have known him long enough to know he won't physically harm me. Its more about him wanting to know about my past. I want to move on from it. So I kept things to myself. He found out a few details and now wants to know. I'm moving forward from it and I wouldn't mind talking about it but then what if he sees me as used or damaged. That's has happened once before.

God bless you for this advice!

no, he won't see you as a damaged or used. He would rather see the best in you and in both your past if he's for you. You deserve the best kind of man.

Just move 5?steps forward Ms Realcarebear.They said life is too short.

I am in a similar situation. I want to leave my past in the past and he is asking me so many questions that I find myself getting angry with him. I have told him that this bothers me. He hasn't stopped asking, but has realized this bothers me and only asks a few now and then. I realize this is my issue and he seems to be able to understand this. He hasn't given up. I will see how it goes.

that's a tough one because I am of the belief that private matters should remain private and there is seldom a true legitimate need to know for others. I would never date someone who insisted on pressing questions about traumatic expereinces... discussing some types of trauma can be very damaging and no one who cares about you will ask you to do that.

My experience is that it is naieve holier than thou types who insist on a "tell all" without realizing the damage they do.

If he can't accept that some things are too upsetting to discuss and accept you for how you are now? I 'd see that as a red flag. But you know him and your situation better than I do of course.

RCB, I don't have much experience in the relationship stakes, but too many people in this world use their head. I for one will always let my heart rule come rain or shine

Just go with the flow babe. Don't try to fight it.

It's impossible to make any big decision in life without risk attached to it. If you really want this then don't let fear overtake you.

:-) thank you all