I have been on mingle before but it failed miserably. I am coming back though for the possibility of some advice. Im looking for a group of people who are extremely passive, but this is a challenge as this type of person rarely reaches out. I am one of these people and i am not sure who else i can ask for help. Mind you i am not passive aggressive just passive.

I hope you find the audience you seek.

.hmmm.. might try starting a topic called.. looking for non aggressive people... or perhaps call it .. pass the passive....lol..J .A. T...

Looks like we have reached a

You are aware that is nothing more than a mindset, right?

And a beta is virtually the same as a passive-aggressive.

Im not really sure what to call me. Im a pure gentleman. i cannot mistreat a woman. So much so that i cant even touch anyone anymore for fear they wont like it.

In Praise of the 'Beta Male'
Take it from me: Sensitive, nurturing, conflict-averse communicators make great partners.
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July 1, 2014 |




My husband will occasionally tell me a story — about apologizing to someone who was in the wrong or a tense email exchange that he ended with a smiley face — and wryly conclude, “That’s how beta I am.” Personally, I would prefer to call this “sensitivity, emotional intelligence, and peacemaking.” But, sure, if we’re to crudely categorize men as either alpha or beta, leaving zero room for nuance, and if we define kind, nurturing behaviors that cannot be categorized as stereotypically, defensively masculine as “beta,” I suppose my husband is a beta. And thank goodness for that.

I thought of this recently because a new book, “The Alpha Woman Meets Her Match” by Sonya Rhodes, is making the media rounds with its highly clickable message: strong, career-driven women will be happiest with a “beta” male. As the book jacket reads, “Challenging gender stereotypes associated with the terms Alpha and Beta, [Rhodes] advises the Alpha woman to look past the overly competitive, domineering Alpha male for a man who is not threatened by her strengths but is communicative, responsible, and collaborative. Just as Alpha women aren’t demanding *******, Beta men aren’t passive wimps.” My discomfort with these labels notwithstanding, I’d go a step further: So-called beta males are great, period.

Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about sad-sack, ineffectual, layabout “omegas,” a type that became popular in Hollywood in the wake of the recession, as Jessica Grose pointed out at the time in Slate. “The omega male is not experiencing the tired trope of the midlife crisis,” she wrote. “A midlife crisis implies agency, a man who has the job and the family and chooses to reject it. The omega male doesn’t have the power to reject anything — he’s the one who has been brushed off. He’s generally unemployed, and his romantic relationships are in shambles — he’s either single or, if he’s married, not happy about it.”

I’m talking about men who lead with emotional intelligence, openness, sensitivity and understanding. Men whose masculinity and sexuality aren’t threatened by equality with women. Men who make great fathers. Men who pick up the spatula from time to time. Men who know where the vacuum cleaner is. Men who are not repelled by talk about feelings. Men who do not need to pound their chests about every damn thing. Men who have even read a feminist text or contemplated their privilege. Men who aren’t defined by traditional expectations of their gender.

Having written publicly about my personal life as a feminist, I have occasionally attracted the ire of men’s rights activists. They have pontificated about my husband’s beta qualities — namely that he must be a ***** to put up with my feminism or the fact that I’ve ever had partners before him. They’ve even proposed taking bets on how long before I cheat on him. In their minds, I am an alpha ***** (never mind that I took Rhodes’ quiz and ranked 52 percent “high beta”) who takes advantage of her poor beta man. Because, caveman times, evolutionary psychology — or something. This is how insecure their “alpha” masculinity is.

The thing is, there is nothing less attractive than insecurity. The electric confidence that we typically associate with alpha-hood doesn’t come from such defensive posturing. The times I think “what a man” are ironically when my guy does something outside the stereotypical straight-male gender box. There was the time he teared up during “Frozen.” The countless thoughtful conversations we’ve had about sex, love and relationships. The time he cited something from bell hooks and was scandalized that I hadn’t read it. Then there’s the story he only got around to telling me the other day about this one time he ended up camping out at “an activist trans farm in Tennessee” with some friends who self-identified as “Jewish dykes.” It’s moments like that when I get a little starry-eyed and think, “Where did this wonderful man come from?” Look no further than the Feminist Ryan Gosling meme for proof that straight women love confident, unrestricted masculinity.

My husband is the cook in our house. I do the grocery shopping and clean the dishes, but he’s the one who makes us better-than-restaurant meals. Perfectly cooked miso-glazed salmon with collard greens and mashed potatoes, homemade pasta with a vodka cream pan sauce, the best mac and cheese the world has ever known, a rustic pear galette with homemade ice cream. When we get the New York Times Magazine every Sunday, he flips straight to the recipe, and it’s often what we’ll have for dinner that night. He does this because he loves to cook. He takes genuine pride and joy in doing it, this “woman’s work.” We often joke, but are actually quite serious, that he would make a much better housewife than me. I love him for these things. Not because it is “alpha” or “beta,” but because it transcends any traditional notions of marital division of labor.

In so many ways, we expect too much of men: They are to be the unwavering provider and the protector. In so many other ways, we expect too little of them: They aren’t good with emotions, they aren’t nurturing and other such utter nonsense. When a man is both less and more than — in other words, free from — those expectations, some will call him “feminist,” others will dub him “enlightened” and plenty will derisively toss out the word “beta.” What we’re really talking about here, though, is simple: partnership.

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow@tracyclarkflory on Twitter.

Touching :)

You can convince yourself as much as you would like that it isn't simply a mindset that you established yourself...But you're not selling it to me.

Ive dealt with the same issues growing up. Always being left behind cause i never had the balls to start somethin. It took getting older to finally start to understand why. Ive always taken the passive way out since i can remember.

While i cant change who i am. I need to learn more about myself so that i can adjust to live with it.

That's just the thing though...You can actually change your situation, all you need to do is talk to people, the only thing holding you back from doing that is yourself.

Go out and put some risks on the line, you can't catch s* with hope and prayer.

You will find your niche with a _____!

Yes we can change who we are, like {Fear} mentions, its I mind set.
If your not getting what you want in life then WORK on change.
The most desired personality type is assertive,assertive is about been respectful going after what you want and having firm healthy boundaries.
People that can adhere to this personality type were not born that way but achieve it through mentor/education and discipline.Its hard work for many of us, Sure! who wouldn't want to be passive in a perfect world..maybe your on to something? If you can get 100 people, 50 hot woman,I will not only join your commune I will be your new leader...seriously, ok you can include me for now but dude thats two guys and no passive hotties yet. No sausage parties! Peace Love and free will was going on when I was just an itch in my Daddy's pants.


Like I say "in a perfect world" because most passive personalities aren't always passive,people don't respect their boundaries sadly enough .In other words they have collapsed boundaries and get sh_t on for a while and then turn to an aggressive personality type with rigid boundaries,shutting everone out for a while and repeat.

If this doesn't work out for us then you could always
try some work shops on assertive communication and boundaries cuz "you cant beat em so you may as well join em.

Ha ha ha.. i love the idea of a passive community but unfortunately you must have a leader. And that means you need someone who is aggressive to lead. Lol

Im not a leader. Even when i try to be, people will be told by authority (bossman at work) to listen to me and as soon as that authority is gone, what i say is ignored. People have gotten hurt before because when i tried to tell them that what they were doing is unsafe they blew me off cause my opinion doesnt matter. Now this is not a once in a while occurance. This is a daily struggle with every person i come in contact with. I radiate passivity and everyone can see it. Before i even speak.

Yes people can change if only for a short while. There are programs and professionals that can assist with that. Just don't turn into a jerk

Im not going to be a jerk. The only time i display any aggressive tendencies is when im pissed off so bad i cant see straight lol. Other than that i dont know how to be a jerk. Im always polite even to people i hate. I dont have a mean side. Maybe a little kinky in the right setting but still afraid the whole time.

Yes it probably would be a sexless relationship. Sex is painful beyond description. Tough **** for me there. I dont get hostile at women i just dont continue to converse with people who lie to me. And i dont smoke dope.... i smoke weed and there is nothing wrong with it. Granted for the right reasons i would give it up. But i havent found a reason worth stopping the only thing that opens me up socially.

I wrote alot of that using anger because its the only way i can make a point and people listen. If i write it like i feel it would be short and pointless and not explain anything lol. And im not smokin to get messed up. I smoke very little. Just enough to cope with emotions and help me think