I have so much bad luck when it comes to men so I'm trying this site out. I wanna attract good men that fit me not just some other guy lookin for a quicky or a "sugar momma" I am so over leeches. what do you think?

i think you need to see your part in those relationships--- ''attraction is not a choice '' its not logical because its a emotional choice in who we let in--- take a look at your beliefs about yourself and others also get in touch with your favorite feelings and emotions then i think you will see how '' we teach people how to treat us ''--- self-awareness is the answer because there will always be people like that and the only person we can do anything about is ourselves--good luck--there are great guys out there--- p.s.---i took a look at your profile and one final thought '' its not how others judge us but rather how we judge ourselves---your young and you have much to learn on plus side you have time---every person is born with a natural child inside its the most beautiful part of us ---she's still in there ---most of us have a wounded child inside the good news is she can be healed if your good to her--take care of her and learn as much as you can about her and the wounds---

That really didn't help. I must be doing something wrong but I don't know what it is and all I get from friends is them telling me.what a great person. I am. Well I can't be all that great so someone please tell me the truth. I can't fix what I don't see.

Leeches stimulate blood circulation by releasing a blood thinner in their saliva that keeps blood flowing from their bite for up to two days afterward. This is therapeutic because the venous blood is removed, allowing fresh blood to enter the affected area and keep it healthy and healing. In other words, leeches help keep a patient’s fresh blood flowing to the discolored area while the affected veins have time to heal.

. I am talking about the human version of a leech and as I wish they were that helpful human leeches are just plain unhealthy

seriously is it all just my size or is there something else that puts people off?

I cringe when I read stuff like this.

Probably outward negativity and Insecurity.

It isn't size. It isn't bad luck. It's being comfortable and confident.
If we simply join dating websites (free or otherwise) without addressing
our own insecurities, emotional baggage, lingering resentment, etc., then
even if we do meet someone we carry all that over with us. It's a recipe for
disaster.

So in my opinion the answer lies within yourself. It takes time and hard work.
Self-evaluation is incredibly difficult thanks to ego. It protects our delicate psyche
from potentially damaging stimuli by justifying the faults within ourselves rather than
rectify them. Change is difficult.

So

You have friends (that's a good thing) and they say you're a good person (another good
thing) then you have at least 2 of the building blocks for building a meaningful relationship.
Let go of the negativity because if you're looking for someone or something else (like a boyfriend)
will make you happy it won't work.

Took me about 6 years to figure that out

Profile reads well.honest.
Becareful with putting your kids pics upjmo
maybe a brighter profile pic..

I would not worry about size to much..some men adore bigger women.
just be yourself,the right one will find you.
Best wishes.

It's all about your self-confidence. If a guy can't see that your satisfied with yourself, he'll look elsewhere. He'll think you care more about your looks?

You can't achieve positive things with a negative mind. Get out more, make new friends, develop new interests and focus on the good aspects of your life. If you think your size is an issue, then it will be but remember us humans come in different shapes and sizes. Don't focus on size, be more concerned with health. So don't set standards for yourself that are unrealistic. If your health isn't good, aim to improve it. You owe it to your children, as they grow, they'll demand more of your physical energy. Change the way you think about yourself and real life changes will be the result. No male role model is better than a bad one. Don't view a partner as the answer to all your problems, merely the cherry on an already delicious cake.

You are what you think about most..

You had a similar topic yesterday, maybe it is the attention you seek?

@ 7z3r05 "Self-evaluation is incredibly difficult thanks to ego"
Exactly why I asked for others opinion. My friends sugar coat and are evasive so I thought strangers would be more open with me.

@Thomas27
the only other topic I posted was not directed at me and was nothing more than curiosity (and boredome) it was not directed at me but at everyone. funny how I spent most of my 29 years worrying about everyone else and the one time I actually go and do something a little selfish in an attempt to better myself I get accused of being an attention seeker. this is a dating site so obviously everyone on here is looking for some kind of attention it does not make them attention seekers. (P.S. both of my threads were posted over a week ago and only comments were made yesterday)

@Dodo_David
I see your point. I am so scared of hooking up with someone who rejects my children that i did not think about how bad that actually looks.

@2KidsMom "Profile reads well.honest"
is that good or too blunt=bad
.....................................................................
As for the rest. no I do not like my looks. Yes I am trying to change that. No I am not trying to find a man to make me feel "sexier" I am looking for a companion who is also lover and friend. Off-line I am super shy and dont know how to change that. All in All I appreciate the answers and I shall go b ack to my profile and edit it using ya'all's advice while staying true to myself.

The following statement in your profile might turn some men off:
"I want a good loving father figure for my kids ..."

Hi Welcome to Mingle.

I get the vibe you are a nice person but your profile is going to send even a nice guy running for the hills.

Sounds like you have had a tough time and I think most have sympathy for that but you have to take a deep breath and re-group and take one step at a time.

First is accepting you are the norm for a Mom of two. Yes you have a few pounds but you do have a pretty face and I see glimmers of a personality in some of the interests you mention. Probably a real nice person. But you HAVE TO STOP THE STINKING THINKING and DELETE all the whining. You need to be HERE, NOW and FORWARD. You do have a CHOICE not to repeat mistakes.

Would help if you have to polish up a little, stand up look right into the camera and smile so nice people will get a happy vibe from you and hopefully return the same. You have pretty hair; shake it out and let it look feminine and soft. NO MOM Scrunchies, MOM clothes, baby junk in sight. Even if it is hotter than it ought to be NO FLIP FLOPS. Get pictures showing you doing hobbies and things a nice guy would like to do on a date. Go to the park and have a friend shoot up a bunch of pics in morning light while it is still cool and you will look fresh and rested. Get a full length shot in a skirt or dress that does NOT look like maternity anything.

I would have one, and only one, family photo on the second row of pictures since most people are very touchy about having kids on line. I know I think it is a little paranoid myself but a good guy is not going to mind if you are a little over protective. All they want to know is ages and genders to start anyway. The whole issue of heritage is something to deal with a little later on. I have kids of several creeds and colors but I don't bother to tell people who are not going to get past their own bigotry the details of which are adopted and which are mine because what happens before they come along is not their business anyway. If they have a hang up you will catch on before a few conversations. You can always read a guys posts for pretty clear idea of their opinions.

As far as trying to figure out the winners from the losers it is just a time thing and keeping your eyes open. Have a check list. Good guys have some of the same basic traits so you want a guy that you can build a future with look at his past and present and don't get in a rush to get to the future. See if his duckie's are in a row. Don't waste your time on someone who isn't squared away and forget fixing anybody but yourself. Keep your drawers up and make him treat you the way you would want someone to treat your daughter. Nobody gets a crystal ball to read the future but you have to play smart and keep track of what you are told and how he acts. Just like a guy should check out you.

Second is put looking for a Baby Daddy #3 on immediate hold for a while. You have the cart before the horse if you do anything more than say is this the quality of person I deserve in my life. If he is not good enough for you then why even consider if he is Daddy material? Yea it sucks being a single parent but it is not terminal for you or your kids and you can find friends you can use for peer support if you join any of a number of parents groups, a church, even some of the better volunteer organizations. You are running your own Daycare business maybe you ought to check out Jaycees or Small Business Administration classes or even Habitat; especially if you are not currently a home owner. You date from a position of strength and it will be much better.

You just did exactly what I wanted! You dissected my profile and told me straight up what was wrong and what was right.Thank you so much for that.your pic suggestions will be tough for me as I rarely think of picture opportunities for my self I just do it lol. as for the baby daddy #3 though I am not looking to make a guy a biological daddy right away I do have 2 kids and how can I not check to see if he is daddy material when my choices affect them. nothing saddens me more than when a woman (or man) takes a partner that their children dislike/hate/fear.
Your ditch the "mom look" makes sense. I will have to think hard on how to do that. my hair is down in all my pics but held out of my face with a head band. Ever dress I try seems to look maternityish on me and though I NEVER wear flipflops dress shoes are extremely hard to find in my size. I have made changes to the non picture part of my profile. I will leave the pics i have until I get some better ones.

ok Thomas27 I lied I have posted 3 threads not 2 I forgot about my "made you look" post which again was not about me but purely for fun and a laugh

Oh dear I need a panadol

MaJayJay,

Before a man can love your children he has to love you first. Take out the pics and references to your children, and that you're looking for a father for your kids.

A man needs to connect with YOU, and you alone, first of all. The men looking at your profile will know you have children living with you. If he chooses to contact you that lets you know he's ok with that.

Even if he doesn't want children, and consequently, a relationship with you, that doesn't mean he's not a quality man, just that he's not ready and/or willing for that kind of commitment yet.

That doesn't make him a bad man, just a bad man for you at this point in your life.

Good luck in your search.

sounds good

ask a lotta questions