10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.

9. You find a lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.

8. On her T.V. show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen liquorice down spout and the half open graham cracker garage door.

7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal and saffron glaze with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and delicate mint fennel sauce.

6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.

5. You discover that every napkin in the house has been folded into a swan.

4. No matter where you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.

3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying

2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and an endive stuffing in every orifice.

And the #1 sign you are being stalked by Martha Stewart

1. You wake up one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

uk1971

that is very good & funny

arcadefan

lol