My mom just had surgery on her foot, so I did as any daughter would, I came to stay for a few days and help my parents out during her convelescense.

My dad told me that if it was OK with Tom and he could "do without me" for a few days that he wanted to hire me to stay a bit longer. He is insisting on paying me (ok, he calls it compensating me for my expenses) while I'm here.

I spoke with Tom and he said to make it VERY clear to my parents that I was NOT to be paid for doing what I should be doing, anyway. That's the way I feel as well.

I have been told that I have a pride issue, and that the money is truly payment for my professional services. In other words, Daddy said he would have to pay someone else anyway, why not me?

Don't get me wrong, we could use the bucks, but I feel guilty. Is it a sense of false pride?

Befuddled................

No, not at all Whispers..

However on you Dad's side it is...take his money graciously as you would from any client, that you worked for...allow him this prideful gesture on his part..he's the Dad...

What you do with it is up to you..keep it, so you have a tiny 'travel nest egg', in case some time down the track they need you to stop what ever you are doing and go to them, to care for them.

Add it to your wedding plans, or perhaps do something special for your folks...it's your call....but let Dad pay you...it helps his pride.

i think they meant it as a good gesture... although, you are their daughter they feel that you should be compensated for taking care of your mom.....

although, i don't think it's a pride issue... because i too decided to stay home and work, rented my house and decided to stay at mother's house... i, now live with mom, sis and nephew and we are all very close so there is no issue...

i, too would not want to get paid for taking care of my mother.... she's the only one we have and she gave us her best plus more.... so, it's ok for you not to accept the money, but if they say to take it, go ahead and take it and put it in the bank.... for when it is really needed......

Insightful, Jess, thanks. I hate the fact that my parents are older. They have always been the pillars of strength, so independent. It kills me to see them not be able to take care of themselves. I am so thankful I'm here and able to help them, though.

You never think growing up that your parents will ever come to a point where they are not the caretakers, do you?

So you kinda know how I'm feeling, then, huh, xrystina? Thanks for you input

No you don't Whispers...

I cared fulltime for my Mum in her last 8 weeks of her life..24/7..with a small amount of homecare nursing, and a drop in with the pharmacist or GP to check her pain management.

It was wild...crazy times...I had my four kids as well..aged 16, 13, 7 and 5..all squooshed into my Mother's townhouse.

Mum used to pay me $50 each day...my brother and I had a revolving $500 of $50 notes...we would fill Mum's purse up when she ran out...and as she gave them to us, we slipped them into her drawer in her bankbook, and when she needed more, my brother went to the same 'bank' each week and got them for her.

The $500 went round and round and round for about three months in total, my brother had the system in place before I got there..

One of my giggle memories now, and kinda sweet...she needed to 'pay' me each day...for doing what daughter's do...her pride was more valuable to me..

Sounds familiar, Jess. Precious, they are. I want to freeze them where they are. I don't want to think of ever being without them

I remember my Mom used to try to pay me sometimes for the
things I would do for her. I'd allways give her the money
back. It was kind of a joke between us. I'd put it somewhere
where she'd find it later when I left. She would allways
stick it somewhere and I would find it later.
I miss my Mom...

Don't feel guilty.

My parents are getting up in the years and starting to experience health problems, nothing serious yet...(knock on wood!). I have the guilty feelings every time something happens. I am thousands of miles away from my parents and cannot afford to be with them at the drop of a hat. I do however have a brother and a sister who live in Ohio and are there for my parents. Another sister is a flight attendant out of Denver and could get to my parents easier than I. I guess my guilt is not being there for them in their sernior years and being able to give back what they have given me as I grew up.

Whisper...about the money issue...I'd feel the same way you do. My dad is so stuborn, he'd get pissed if I didn't take them money. I have accepted it before only to tuck it away under his pillow or in a jacket pocket.

Thanks, shutterbug for your comments.

Yeah, that money issue is a touchy one, huh?

I told Daddy what Tom said and he said, "Tom's full of ????! I'd like to know how he, or YOU, can stop me from just putting the money in your account and not even telling you..."

Wow...to have money suddenly show up in your account...gotta be a good thing... LOL

I would never accept money for taking care of my parents!!! I took care of my mom for 12 years before she was in hospital and for me to take their money....would be wrong....for me.

They have helped me financially, emotionally for many years. How could I take money for something that I owe them anyways???

Oh, Whispers, it is so surreal when we become our parents caretakers.

Maybe it is a matter of pride for your Dad to give it to you. Or a way of him slipping you money without hurting your pride if he knows you are strapped financially.

Sometimes our parents realize that they need to lean on us and do what they can to give back. My Dad used to do that. Who cares that they raised us well and (in my case) gave me everything I could have ever wished for.

Just a weird situation all around. Hope your Mom is doing better. Sending shiny happy thoughts your way!

Hugs, M

Accepting the gift honors the giver.

Some people like to pay so that they don't feel as they owe you something. He might have been very thankful for what you did and wanted to help you out like you helped him out. It might be just his way of saying thanks. Putting it up should he ever need it is a good way of looking at it. You earned it but surely your mother earned it in raising you.