100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: failed relationships | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Lying,cheating, stealing, and low down dirty dealing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by saying that she just didn't have enough patience with me. Devil's advocate..maybe her patience ran out. I'm quite patient, but after awhile you get to a point where you feel the person isn't even trying. This is what ended it for me and my ex. He very well could have been trying to the best of his ability but by then it was too little too late. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm quite patient, but after awhile I totally agree..when it's a quirk. Like eating peas with a knife...or not liking his/ her food touching each other on a plate. But not being mindful of your partner's needs after they have expressed them to you. Patience does run out. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm quite patient, but after awhile I totally agree..when it's a quirk. Like eating peas with a knife...or not liking his/ her food touching each other on a plate. But not being mindful of your partner's needs after they have expressed them to you. Patience does run out. It was more complicated than that. Partly it was a personality clash. She would suggest things that we could do and because I wasn't always as enthusiastic as she was she would get annoyed with me. For example, we talked about decorating my flat and I agreed that it was a good idea but because I didn't rush out instantly to buy paint she threw a tantrum about it, saying that if I couldn't be bothered, then neither could she. I was a bit set in my ways when I met her and it got into this thing about how she wanted to help me by going out and doing things. At the time I wasn't so enthusiastic about that and I was trying to cope with a disability that had made me a bit afraid of the world. When we did go out we always had a good time though and it wasn't just me because when I suggested things that we could do on dates she could be difficult about that as well. I could have tried harder to give her what she wanted but when you're getting constant put downs and lack of apreciation you just start to feel that nothing that you do will ever be good enough for her and you aren't going to get enthusiastic about any of it. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Lying,cheating, stealing, and low down dirty dealing. those are also valid reasons. I was thinking more of the kinds of friendships where nothing bad happens, but they just drift apart and end for no particular reason |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm quite patient, but after awhile I totally agree..when it's a quirk. Like eating peas with a knife...or not liking his/ her food touching each other on a plate. But not being mindful of your partner's needs after they have expressed them to you. Patience does run out. It was more complicated than that. Partly it was a personality clash. She would suggest things that we could do and because I wasn't always as enthusiastic as she was she would get annoyed with me. For example, we talked about decorating my flat and I agreed that it was a good idea but because I didn't rush out instantly to buy paint she threw a tantrum about it, saying that if I couldn't be bothered, then neither could she. I was a bit set in my ways when I met her and it got into this thing about how she wanted to help me by going out and doing things. At the time I wasn't so enthusiastic about that and I was trying to cope with a disability that had made me a bit afraid of the world. When we did go out we always had a good time though and it wasn't just me because when I suggested things that we could do on dates she could be difficult about that as well. I could have tried harder to give her what she wanted but when you're getting constant put downs and lack of apreciation you just start to feel that nothing that you do will ever be good enough for her and you aren't going to get enthusiastic about any of it. I agree totally with what you are saying here cuz I put up with constant put downs in my marriage - it is prolly the main reason I am not planning to marry again. As soon as I see that mentality coming in another, I RUN and am glad that I am not married to the person. So I agree with klc - it simply was not a match |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm quite patient, but after awhile I totally agree..when it's a quirk. Like eating peas with a knife...or not liking his/ her food touching each other on a plate. But not being mindful of your partner's needs after they have expressed them to you. Patience does run out. It was more complicated than that. Partly it was a personality clash. She would suggest things that we could do and because I wasn't always as enthusiastic as she was she would get annoyed with me. For example, we talked about decorating my flat and I agreed that it was a good idea but because I didn't rush out instantly to buy paint she threw a tantrum about it, saying that if I couldn't be bothered, then neither could she. I was a bit set in my ways when I met her and it got into this thing about how she wanted to help me by going out and doing things. At the time I wasn't so enthusiastic about that and I was trying to cope with a disability that had made me a bit afraid of the world. When we did go out we always had a good time though and it wasn't just me because when I suggested things that we could do on dates she could be difficult about that as well. I could have tried harder to give her what she wanted but when you're getting constant put downs and lack of apreciation you just start to feel that nothing that you do will ever be good enough for her and you aren't going to get enthusiastic about any of it. I agree totally with what you are saying here cuz I put up with constant put downs in my marriage - it is prolly the main reason I am not planning to marry again. As soon as I see that mentality coming in another, I RUN and am glad that I am not married to the person. So I agree with klc - it simply was not a match In some ways it was and in some ways it wasn't. It was as much about timing as anything. We were both going through stuff at the time and have both changed since then. That's what I meant about patience. I think that we could have resolved our issues and it wasn't just about her trying to change me because I did want to change in certain ways and have. When it was good between us it was good and it just went wrong for various reasons. In many ways we were compatible and it just was what it was because we met at a certain time. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tawt its not all about you. We are talking in generalisations. You dont need to give us all the details. If you dont think relationships fail because the two were not a match, fine. I know that it's not all about me but to say that "the two were not a match" is not to say very much at all. I'm saying that relationships can fail for many reasons and I brought up the patience thing because I see that as why it basically didn't work out with my ex. I gave you a few examples to try to explain what I meant. I guess that I take the view that relationships can work out, even if there are problems in them and you have a sort of black and white view, where you're either "a match" or you aren't. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
teebee79
on
Sun 03/30/14 09:35 AM
|
|
I agree with Tawt.
In terms of a relationship..it's more involved than simply,not being a match. I would say that is not what causes a relationship to fail. Not being a match is why,people don't get together in the 1st place. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm quite patient, but after awhile I totally agree..when it's a quirk. Like eating peas with a knife...or not liking his/ her food touching each other on a plate. But not being mindful of your partner's needs after they have expressed them to you. Patience does run out. It was more complicated than that. Partly it was a personality clash. She would suggest things that we could do and because I wasn't always as enthusiastic as she was she would get annoyed with me. For example, we talked about decorating my flat and I agreed that it was a good idea but because I didn't rush out instantly to buy paint she threw a tantrum about it, saying that if I couldn't be bothered, then neither could she. I was a bit set in my ways when I met her and it got into this thing about how she wanted to help me by going out and doing things. At the time I wasn't so enthusiastic about that and I was trying to cope with a disability that had made me a bit afraid of the world. When we did go out we always had a good time though and it wasn't just me because when I suggested things that we could do on dates she could be difficult about that as well. I could have tried harder to give her what she wanted but when you're getting constant put downs and lack of apreciation you just start to feel that nothing that you do will ever be good enough for her and you aren't going to get enthusiastic about any of it. I agree totally with what you are saying here cuz I put up with constant put downs in my marriage - it is prolly the main reason I am not planning to marry again. As soon as I see that mentality coming in another, I RUN and am glad that I am not married to the person. So I agree with klc - it simply was not a match In some ways it was and in some ways it wasn't. It was as much about timing as anything. We were both going through stuff at the time and have both changed since then. That's what I meant about patience. I think that we could have resolved our issues and it wasn't just about her trying to change me because I did want to change in certain ways and have. When it was good between us it was good and it just went wrong for various reasons. In many ways we were compatible and it just was what it was because we met at a certain time. right I getcha, but I suppose my thought is that if it was meant to be it would have gone differently. That leads into that whole topic I think, of whether it's OK to try again. (I know tht is off this topic but this topic begs the question). Anyway, nothing wrong with saying that sometimes relationships do not work out as romantic relationships because the timing is wrong or the two peeps are at a different life stage. seen that happen and have been there too |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I agree with Tawt. In terms of a relationship..it's more involved than simply,not being a match. I would say that is not what causes a relationship to fail. Not being a match is why,people don't get together in the 1st place. I do tend to lean this way also klc. If it's meant to be it will work out - the folk will find a way. maybe tawt's ex was not patient, maybe she was patient as heck but he was asking too much,(not picking on you sugar just using your case as an example) maybe none of that is the case and they simply could not find a way...see the path for the two of them...the latter is how I tend to think |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm quite patient, but after awhile I totally agree..when it's a quirk. Like eating peas with a knife...or not liking his/ her food touching each other on a plate. But not being mindful of your partner's needs after they have expressed them to you. Patience does run out. It was more complicated than that. Partly it was a personality clash. She would suggest things that we could do and because I wasn't always as enthusiastic as she was she would get annoyed with me. For example, we talked about decorating my flat and I agreed that it was a good idea but because I didn't rush out instantly to buy paint she threw a tantrum about it, saying that if I couldn't be bothered, then neither could she. I was a bit set in my ways when I met her and it got into this thing about how she wanted to help me by going out and doing things. At the time I wasn't so enthusiastic about that and I was trying to cope with a disability that had made me a bit afraid of the world. When we did go out we always had a good time though and it wasn't just me because when I suggested things that we could do on dates she could be difficult about that as well. I could have tried harder to give her what she wanted but when you're getting constant put downs and lack of apreciation you just start to feel that nothing that you do will ever be good enough for her and you aren't going to get enthusiastic about any of it. I agree totally with what you are saying here cuz I put up with constant put downs in my marriage - it is prolly the main reason I am not planning to marry again. As soon as I see that mentality coming in another, I RUN and am glad that I am not married to the person. So I agree with klc - it simply was not a match In some ways it was and in some ways it wasn't. It was as much about timing as anything. We were both going through stuff at the time and have both changed since then. That's what I meant about patience. I think that we could have resolved our issues and it wasn't just about her trying to change me because I did want to change in certain ways and have. When it was good between us it was good and it just went wrong for various reasons. In many ways we were compatible and it just was what it was because we met at a certain time. right I getcha, but I suppose my thought is that if it was meant to be it would have gone differently. That leads into that whole topic I think, of whether it's OK to try again. (I know tht is off this topic but this topic begs the question). Anyway, nothing wrong with saying that sometimes relationships do not work out as romantic relationships because the timing is wrong or the two peeps are at a different life stage. seen that happen and have been there too Yeah and I'm friends again with her now and we did resolve our issues and we talk about it as something that wasn't meant to be a bit but also she goes on about how she thinks that we must have met for a reason and it was an on and off relationship. She's like my best friend now and I don't see her very often but I've taken her to a couple of parties. Someone said to me that she saw how we are together and that it's like she gets me. I said that it is a bit like we are an old married couple and I was joking a bit but it is a bit like that and we did go through a lot together and understand each other and communicate well now. That took years but when I met her there was already some sort of chemistry, or compatibility, or atraction and it did start off as a friendship. I think that that friendship will always be there but she says that we had our time and she's with somebody else now. That's just the way that it is and things happen in people's lives and they move on. Maybe the other guy is a better match for her, or maybe it was just that she met him at a particular time and I let her go because I wanted her to be happy and he was apparently giving her what I wasn't. I asked her though what it was that they did and I said to her that, "We could have done that". |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
paranoia and jealousy the above, coupled with negativity and lack of communication! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The biggest killer of relationships has to be a lack of understanding about personality types and how to truly empathise (put yourself in the other person's shoes). There are 4 basic personality types and everyone is a combination of them. the old adage "opposites attract" to complement each other. That's great but soon enough those things that attracted you begin to grind on your nerves as the relationship matures. Instead of understanding that it is their personality and they are not trying to purposefully annoy you, individuals try to change the other person and get frustrated when they don't change creating a vicious cycle.
It's all these little things that start the process, then any other excuse is simply added to fuel the fire. Another dynamic that comes into play is called "self-deception" where we view the other as an object rather than a person with their own viewpoint, then attach the blame onto the other person whilst justifying our own position in any argument/situation. Proof of this is that most people only ever tell their friends their side of the story, NEVER the other side. Therefore, a lack of conflict resolution skills and a willingness to come to the party by either or both people is what kills most relationships. There are plenty of books available to explain all this in depth and you don't have to have a degree to understand them. |
|
|
|
|
