Topic: another poem for people not to respond to
lizardking19's photo
Thu 09/13/07 07:05 AM
There are clouds in your eyes
Lust for the better man drifting over hazel skies
I want to make you rain
But those clouds just float away
Leaving me dry
A desert in my heart
You bat your eyelashes at the winner
I slink away
Out of the storm
Out of your view
Away from where I want to be

no photo
Thu 09/13/07 07:06 AM
First...awesome write

Secondly...give it time and keep posting..it takes time to be noticed in the poetry forums sometimes.

pkh's photo
Thu 09/13/07 07:10 AM
I agree with CCP nice words keep writting,always nice to see someone new:smile:

karmafury's photo
Thu 09/13/07 07:11 AM
Nice read. Like Poet said it takes time.

shadow_princess's photo
Thu 09/13/07 07:46 AM
thats awesome

no photo
Thu 09/13/07 08:07 AM
Well done guy ... very deep, emotionally ... :)

lizardking19's photo
Thu 09/13/07 08:09 AM
thank u

no photo
Thu 09/13/07 08:27 AM
GOOD JOB. AS LONG AS YOU LIKE WHAT YOU WRITE DOES IT REALLY MATTER THE NUMBER OF POSTS YOU HAVE? KEEP WRITING, I LIKED IT.

lizardking19's photo
Thu 09/13/07 09:03 AM
well the views matter as long as others are exposed to it, my writing is as much 4 others as 4 myself

no photo
Thu 09/13/07 09:06 AM
Good write LizardKing. Truly. But the others are correct. Do NOT worry about who or how many people read your work. Write for YOU. Know its there. And the ones who appreciate good and fine writing will be the ones who find it. Never cater to the masses my friend. Cater to YOU.

wizard

SisterShaman's photo
Thu 09/13/07 03:40 PM
I agree with you, lizardking, that our poetry is as much for others as ourselves, but first make sure it is important to you.

I particularily love the first two lines, "There are clouds in your eyes/Lust for the better man drifting over hazel skies." It is a bit angsty, but full of emotion and beautiful imagery. The lack of punctuation enhances the motion as each line break you have chosen is a comfortable place to pause rather than a constant line of thoughts. Very well written!


MsTeddyBear2u's photo
Thu 09/13/07 03:51 PM
flowerforyou

jimz's photo
Thu 09/13/07 04:43 PM
Dude, enjoy the ride in the poetic sky, or somewhere in between. Good poem.