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| Topic: Giving the benefit of the doubt | |
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Maybe he wasn't very confident, was he waiting for you to make a move?
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I am sorry to have to say this, but in my opinion the guy was gay.
Welcome to Mingle2 and good luck in your search. That was a nice read. Good solving Sherlock! |
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men have learnt that most women can't handle the truth or simply don't wannna hear it, they want a man's response to be what they are feeling and not what the man is feeling, it goes both ways, but understand men have hearts as well, we don't like to see you cry or get hurt because it hurts us, so when a person is avoiding you whether it be man or women it usually means their not interested, cause they've learnt their lesson that when you say whats on your mind the end result isn't always pretty. I think people in general are hard to figure out it takes a lil while to know one's personality and how to deal with it, not really a man or women issue. Hope this gibberish helped a little, if not I apologize.
peace |
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Maybe he wasn't very confident, was he waiting for you to make a move? no! no! no! 
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I do not think this is a gender issue as both men and women can be very complex and can have all sorts of hang ups, issues, baggage, and traits of character and personality.....that's why dating can be a mine field lol. I would not dwell on it for too long though. Mark it down as one of"the weird ones", pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get back out there.
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I think everyone here has had really good points and given good advice. The only thing I would add is, do not make someone a priority who only makes you an option. Yeah! Ceceg! You rock, girl!!! |
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I haven't seen any man-hating here, then again I have a tendency to only see what I want to see, so who knows? At any rate, I agree that it would be nice if men- and women- would just come out and say what they mean and not rely on hints and passive aggressive behavior, hoping that you'll figure it out on your own so they can avoid the drama of a big confrontation.
But guess what? Most people are cowards. Most people try to avoid drama. Most people figure if they keep ignoring you, you'll just go away. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people are sto strong-willed on getting what they want, or so dense about not seeing clues in front of them that they need to be told to go away. Those people are stubborn. They might also be trying to be nice and don't want to hurt your feelings, not realizing that being ignored is just as hurtful, if not more so than being told straight out "I don't like you" or "I'm over it" or "Please go away." Humans are complicated and damned frustrating. But yeah, when a guy (or a woman for those who think this thread is gender-biased) acts like (s)he's not interested, they're just not interested, all you can do is let them go and move on to the next one. 
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I haven't seen any man-hating here, then again I have a tendency to only see what I want to see, so who knows? At any rate, I agree that it would be nice if men- and women- would just come out and say what they mean and not rely on hints and passive aggressive behavior, hoping that you'll figure it out on your own so they can avoid the drama of a big confrontation. But guess what? Most people are cowards. Most people try to avoid drama. Most people figure if they keep ignoring you, you'll just go away. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people are sto strong-willed on getting what they want, or so dense about not seeing clues in front of them that they need to be told to go away. Those people are stubborn. They might also be trying to be nice and don't want to hurt your feelings, not realizing that being ignored is just as hurtful, if not more so than being told straight out "I don't like you" or "I'm over it" or "Please go away." Humans are complicated and damned frustrating. But yeah, when a guy (or a woman for those who think this thread is gender-biased) acts like (s)he's not interested, they're just not interested, all you can do is let them go and move on to the next one.
I agree with this. I do think if you are interested in somebody and they led you to believe they were also interested, then its just common courtesy for them to let you know they had a change of heart. Only the selfish take the easy way out ! |
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I haven't seen any man-hating here, then again I have a tendency to only see what I want to see, so who knows? At any rate, I agree that it would be nice if men- and women- would just come out and say what they mean and not rely on hints and passive aggressive behavior, hoping that you'll figure it out on your own so they can avoid the drama of a big confrontation. But guess what? Most people are cowards. Most people try to avoid drama. Most people figure if they keep ignoring you, you'll just go away. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people are sto strong-willed on getting what they want, or so dense about not seeing clues in front of them that they need to be told to go away. Those people are stubborn. They might also be trying to be nice and don't want to hurt your feelings, not realizing that being ignored is just as hurtful, if not more so than being told straight out "I don't like you" or "I'm over it" or "Please go away." Humans are complicated and damned frustrating. But yeah, when a guy (or a woman for those who think this thread is gender-biased) acts like (s)he's not interested, they're just not interested, all you can do is let them go and move on to the next one.
I agree with this. I do think if you are interested in somebody and they led you to believe they were also interested, then its just common courtesy for them to let you know they had a change of heart. Only the selfish take the easy way out ! 
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Yes to both of you! My male friends that I hold dear and true to me are telling me that this should have been seen in the first few dates....He wasn't even willing for a hand shake after the first 3 dates? They all said.....DITCH HIS @$$! Y O U my dear are worth much much more!
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men have learnt that most women can't handle the truth or simply don't wannna hear it, they want a man's response to be what they are feeling and not what the man is feeling, it goes both ways, but understand men have hearts as well, we don't like to see you cry or get hurt because it hurts us, so when a person is avoiding you whether it be man or women it usually means their not interested, cause they've learnt their lesson that when you say whats on your mind the end result isn't always pretty. I think people in general are hard to figure out it takes a lil while to know one's personality and how to deal with it, not really a man or women issue. Hope this gibberish helped a little, if not I apologize. peace while what you are saying is true, it does not make it OK. It is rude, and only a coward or thug will avoid the soup he has helped cook |
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Sometimes there are instances where we as women give a guy the benefit of the doubt, and get confused. I know full well that many if not most men feel that women are hard to figure out...but lets face it...men are too! I myself had a very odd start to a "relationship" from another online site. He was a full and proper gentleman. Not even a "peck" on the cheek for 5 dates. Yet when there was a single instance of no communication for a day or two, I made my own plans to go spend time with my horses. When he ASKED if I was "up for something" the next day (after being ditched for the nights plans we had) His res ponce was "no problem, go spend time with your horses" Then time goes by with zero response to a text I sent him the next day...for 2 weeks! Why if this is a "sign" is it SO DIFFICULT to actually tell the girl either "hey , I am outta here" or "ya , not that into you" or just a plain and simple "loose my number! I am done"??? Why must she sit and try to figure it out and be a nusiance to her good friends trying to figure out what she could be doing differently in the future? I've found that whenever someone accuses you of something that's not true, it's usually thoughts reflecting from their mind... |
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! No no no! I in NO WAY am trying to be a "man hater" I am simply trying to understand the logic. I can understand wanting to "get out" but hey....its an eay thing after a short stint(even if you have in the 5 months been "bedded" together) I am not sure about the "full picture" issue that you refer? Do you mean HIS side? 'cause I am not able to give that! (If I could I would not be writing this question/concern!) I am in no way trying to "run guys down....Simply asking! |
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! in usual fashion I think you have rashly come to a mistaken conclusion. perhaps this situation has pushed a button for some reason for you, but there is no man hating going on here. Everyone simply has been telling her to move on and forget him, Is there some reason why she should not do just that? |
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Oops, i'm in the man-hating thread? The guy was looking for a get out of jail free card and your Horses were just part of the excuse to get out of there sharpish. Talking as a guy, maybe you just bored him? It happens, i've been there before, but I told the lassie that things weren't going to work out and that was that. His only reason was ' your Horses ' tells me that he can't deal with delicate situations, like telling someone it's over. There are always two sides to a story and I think the version by the OP, is not painting the full picture? Also stop running us guys down? You may have been hurt by some of us in the past? Hating on us all though will hamper you in the future when you meet a good one! you need to lay off the drinking... in no way was this close to a man hating thread, she wanted advice and posted it without any hate. just because you hate women doesn't mean they hate us... |
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.DITCH HIS @$$! Y O U my dear are worth much much more!
Yes to that and be very grateful he didn't jump your bones and leave with a swelling belly. |
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Sometimes there are instances where we as women give a guy the benefit of the doubt, and get confused. I know full well that many if not most men feel that women are hard to figure out...but lets face it...men are too! I myself had a very odd start to a "relationship" from another online site. He was a full and proper gentleman. Not even a "peck" on the cheek for 5 dates. Yet when there was a single instance of no communication for a day or two, I made my own plans to go spend time with my horses. When he ASKED if I was "up for something" the next day (after being ditched for the nights plans we had) His res ponce was "no problem, go spend time with your horses" Then time goes by with zero response to a text I sent him the next day...for 2 weeks! Why if this is a "sign" is it SO DIFFICULT to actually tell the girl either "hey , I am outta here" or "ya , not that into you" or just a plain and simple "loose my number! I am done"??? Why must she sit and try to figure it out and be a nusiance to her good friends trying to figure out what she could be doing differently in the future? I am sorry to have to say this, but in my opinion the guy was gay. If after 5 dates there was no attempt by him to kiss or make a pass at you then he was gay, in fact I am beginning to seriously wonder about you. It seems to me that you were not really in to him. If you had tried as hard when you were together to reach him, as you did when you were apart, with all those calls to his mobile, etc. It could have been all very different for you, seems to me if the guy wasn't gay he just gave up all too frosty maybe? This is the 21st Century, equality ladies, sometimes guys need coaxing if they are unsure, turn it up a little, guys like it hot. Welcome to Mingle2 and good luck in your search. OH trust me!!! I tried! Even talked to my little brother about it! I was my natural self(lil bit flirtatious without pushing TOO far outside his comfort zone) yet...things just kept adding up from excuse after excuse to not introduce me to his home, or outside HIS timeframe....Most guy friends and my brother told me they believe that he may have a "situation(AKA another woman/wife/ etc at his residence that he was hiding) |
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Sometimes there are instances where we as women give a guy the benefit of the doubt, and get confused. I know full well that many if not most men feel that women are hard to figure out...but lets face it...men are too! I myself had a very odd start to a "relationship" from another online site. He was a full and proper gentleman. Not even a "peck" on the cheek for 5 dates. Yet when there was a single instance of no communication for a day or two, I made my own plans to go spend time with my horses. When he ASKED if I was "up for something" the next day (after being ditched for the nights plans we had) His res ponce was "no problem, go spend time with your horses" Then time goes by with zero response to a text I sent him the next day...for 2 weeks! Why if this is a "sign" is it SO DIFFICULT to actually tell the girl either "hey , I am outta here" or "ya , not that into you" or just a plain and simple "loose my number! I am done"??? Why must she sit and try to figure it out and be a nusiance to her good friends trying to figure out what she could be doing differently in the future? I've found that whenever someone accuses you of something that's not true, it's usually thoughts reflecting from their mind... agreed..it reflects mostly on their ill intent or hater personality
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Sometimes there are instances where we as women give a guy the benefit of the doubt, and get confused. I know full well that many if not most men feel that women are hard to figure out...but lets face it...men are too! I myself had a very odd start to a "relationship" from another online site. He was a full and proper gentleman. Not even a "peck" on the cheek for 5 dates. Yet when there was a single instance of no communication for a day or two, I made my own plans to go spend time with my horses. When he ASKED if I was "up for something" the next day (after being ditched for the nights plans we had) His res ponce was "no problem, go spend time with your horses" Then time goes by with zero response to a text I sent him the next day...for 2 weeks! Why if this is a "sign" is it SO DIFFICULT to actually tell the girl either "hey , I am outta here" or "ya , not that into you" or just a plain and simple "loose my number! I am done"??? Why must she sit and try to figure it out and be a nusiance to her good friends trying to figure out what she could be doing differently in the future? I am sorry to have to say this, but in my opinion the guy was gay. If after 5 dates there was no attempt by him to kiss or make a pass at you then he was gay, in fact I am beginning to seriously wonder about you. It seems to me that you were not really in to him. If you had tried as hard when you were together to reach him, as you did when you were apart, with all those calls to his mobile, etc. It could have been all very different for you, seems to me if the guy wasn't gay he just gave up all too frosty maybe? This is the 21st Century, equality ladies, sometimes guys need coaxing if they are unsure, turn it up a little, guys like it hot. Welcome to Mingle2 and good luck in your search. OH trust me!!! I tried! Even talked to my little brother about it! I was my natural self(lil bit flirtatious without pushing TOO far outside his comfort zone) yet...things just kept adding up from excuse after excuse to not introduce me to his home, or outside HIS timeframe....Most guy friends and my brother told me they believe that he may have a "situation(AKA another woman/wife/ etc at his residence that he was hiding) lol...look him up and go say hello to him and the missus  
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Sometimes there are instances where we as women give a guy the benefit of the doubt, and get confused. I know full well that many if not most men feel that women are hard to figure out...but lets face it...men are too! I myself had a very odd start to a "relationship" from another online site. He was a full and proper gentleman. Not even a "peck" on the cheek for 5 dates. Yet when there was a single instance of no communication for a day or two, I made my own plans to go spend time with my horses. When he ASKED if I was "up for something" the next day (after being ditched for the nights plans we had) His res ponce was "no problem, go spend time with your horses" Then time goes by with zero response to a text I sent him the next day...for 2 weeks! Why if this is a "sign" is it SO DIFFICULT to actually tell the girl either "hey , I am outta here" or "ya , not that into you" or just a plain and simple "loose my number! I am done"??? Why must she sit and try to figure it out and be a nusiance to her good friends trying to figure out what she could be doing differently in the future? I am sorry to have to say this, but in my opinion the guy was gay. If after 5 dates there was no attempt by him to kiss or make a pass at you then he was gay, in fact I am beginning to seriously wonder about you. It seems to me that you were not really in to him. If you had tried as hard when you were together to reach him, as you did when you were apart, with all those calls to his mobile, etc. It could have been all very different for you, seems to me if the guy wasn't gay he just gave up all too frosty maybe? This is the 21st Century, equality ladies, sometimes guys need coaxing if they are unsure, turn it up a little, guys like it hot. Welcome to Mingle2 and good luck in your search. OH trust me!!! I tried! Even talked to my little brother about it! I was my natural self(lil bit flirtatious without pushing TOO far outside his comfort zone) yet...things just kept adding up from excuse after excuse to not introduce me to his home, or outside HIS timeframe....Most guy friends and my brother told me they believe that he may have a "situation(AKA another woman/wife/ etc at his residence that he was hiding) lol...look him up and go say hello to him and the missus
I love you
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