Top 10 Reasons to Become a Nurse

10. Pays better than McDonald's (though the hours aren't as good.)

9. Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms.

8. Needles: 'tis better to give than to receive.

7. Confidence in reassuring patients that all bleeding stops ... eventually.

6. Opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases.

5. Interesting aromas.

4. Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly clear handwriting.

2. Celebration of holidays with all your friends ... at work.

1. Comfort in the knowledge that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.



Top Ten Things You Need To Know To Be A Nurse
10. If it's wet make it dry.

9. If it's dry make it wet.

8. Always ask for on-call pay before agreeing to overtime.

7. Never tell management what you are really thinking.

6. Never finish report with, "You have an easy assignment".

5. Never say. "This looks like a easy assignment".

4. Don't expect nurses aids to do their job.

3. Don't expect doctors to believe any thing you tell them.

2. If you don't have enough time to do everything, take about 30 minutes to complain about it.

1. If it moves, rattles, shakes, falls down, or won't stay in place: tape it.


10. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

9. If at first you don't succeed...try management.

8. TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.

7. Hang in there....retirement is only 35 years away!

6. Go the extra mile...it makes your supervisor look incompetent.

5. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

4. Administration...we waste time so you don't have to.

3. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

2. A person who smiles in the face of adversity, probably has a scapegoat.

1. Succeed in spite of Administration.



Top Ten Most Commonly Used Nursing Phrases
10. "No, really, I don't mind changing the TV channel for you.again."

9. "I'm sorry, it's not THAT kind of Tylenol."

8. "You won't feel a thing."

7. "Because your doctor said so."

6. "This won't hurt a bit."

5. "I swear, if that patient rings the call bell one more time."

4. "No, I will NOT give you a sponge bath (to patients perfectly able to do for themselves)!"

3. "Your gonna feel a little stick."

2. "How can I help you?" (no less than a MILLION times a shift!)

1. "Doctor, I'm sorry to wake you, but." (this one is okay by us)


10. The previous shift tells you, "Things have been quiet."

9. You walk onto the floor and someone from the previous shift says, "Is it that time already?"

8. You run into the pharmacist at the elevator, he hands you a case of Prozac and says, "Here, this is for your floor."

7. Your phone rings 4 hours before your shift and they beg you to come in early.

6. After giving report, the nurse yells from the elevator, "Oh, by the way, they're 'pleasantly confused'."

5. While driving to work, every radio station is playing "Knockin' on Heaven's Door".

4. As soon as you walk in, someone hands you scrubs and says, "Here, you'd better put these on."

3. You come in and find one of the previous shift nurses openly weeping at the nurse's station.

2. The nurse about to give you report looks up from her notes and asks, "How many R's in diarrhea?"

1. There's no fresh coffee in the break room.


Top Ten Reasons To Work An Overtime Shift On The Weekend
10. Think of all the weight you'll lose from not getting to eat because of short staffing.

9. Think of the closeness you'll develop with you're co-workers after being knee-deep in Code 10's/Blues and Code "Browns".

8. Everyone is so frazzled, so next to them you look fabulous!

7. Think of what a challenge it will be to your nursing skills to run a Code without a Crash Cart because they are all down in Central being replaced.

6. The joy of having the previous shift's charge nurse tell you, " I don't understand why no one would return my calls to work today/tonight. Oh, and by the way, you are short two nurses and a CNA for this shift with a full house of patients sick as dog dirt."

5. Because you're a new grad and you want to be a "TEAM PLAYER" like your head nurse told you to be. (That and you have "sucker" stamped on your forehead!)

4. When you go home with your back aching from not having any nursing assistants who work weekends and your feet aching from running your butt off for "emergency procedures" (like the gas pain your patient has had for a week that is suddenly unbearable) you'll know that you really ARE a caregiver.

3. Think of all the computer skills you'll gain from putting in your own orders and ordering supplies from Central. (That can go on your resume' as...."Know how to operate multiple outdated computer models.")

2. You don't have time to adequately chart so you may get to learn how our judicial system works. On the bright side, your handwriting will be so bad that it can say whatever you want it to say!

1. Think of what a GREAT "Learning Experience" this will be. Translation: You just got shafted!!

that was just way too long