I think there is commitment still it's just not like back in the days when things were done very differently....

and it all depends on the people in the relationship... for me and my ex living together made us realize that if after 4 1/2 years we can't get along any more how would we ever spend the rest of our live together?

then there's people like my brother and sister-in-law who started dating when he was 14... she pretty much moved in with us right away.... next month they will have been together for 20 years and in oct/nov married for 10 years

I think that people give up so easily these days and always think there is something better on the other side of the fence.

I agree and the grass isn't always green on the other side... relationships take a lot of work.... it's not just a walk in the park... you gotta put effort into them even when the going gets rough.....

that's why it is called a commitment

two people have to work to make a relationship work. The hloe self absorbed thing is if you dont cange to my way Ill just find someone else.That way of thinking is why people dont stay together.you can shack up for 5 yrs then get married but if you stop working on the relationship its doomed.

you are exactly correct about giving up

You know what hit's me and I did it myself.

I see alot of people on this forum that say,I don't know or don't trust or i'm afraid, or the big one is I been hurt to manytimes so i'm not going to try anymore... The funny thing is. who put themselves in that situation? not alot of people will take responsibility for there on actions of what they did or didn't do in any relationship. So they keep falling in the same pattern and saying to themselves this wont work so I give up. Paper or not, you have to give all of yourself to that person to grow in that relationship. That don't mean latter down the line things wont change because as we get older and grow. We see things different. Hmm, by giving all yourself will at least give it a fighting chance

Shacking up can also be considered marriage after a year or two.

In states which recognize common law marriage, once the requirements have been met the marriage is typically treated in exactly the same manner as any other marriage. By the same token, a valid common law marriage must typically be ended through a formal divorce process. At present, approximately eleven states and the District of Columbia still recognize common law marriages.

States Permitting Common Law Marriage
Alabama
Colorado
District of Columbia
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
Oklahoma
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah
States Permitting Certain Common Law Marriages
Georgia (if the elements were satisfied before January 1, 1997)
Idaho (if the elements were satisfied before January 1, 1996)
New Hampshire (for inheritance only)
Ohio (if the elements were satisfied before October 10, 1991)
Pennsylvania (if the elements were satisfied before January 1, 2005)
In states which don't allow common law marriage, an unusual situation can arise - a couple which underwent what they thought was a valid, state-authorized marriage can find that their marriage was invalid. For example, a divorce may not be properly finalized before a subsequent marriage occurs, rendering that later marriage invalid. Usually, once the problem has been remedied, states will provide a remedy to correct the invalid marriage. For example, some states permit a secret wedding ceremony to be performed by a judge, with a backdated order of marriage, such that the marriage becomes valid from its inception and the rights of the spouses are protected.

shadow you are exactly right.and people do change as they get older.but that doesnt meen that we should give up on each other. a long turm relationship needs to be maintained contiously.but too meny people just say well Ill find someone else

I agree with that shadow but one can only give soo much... it really sucks when the other person doesn't give or try or change... they just stay stuck in their old annoying ways and never grow up....

and I agree with the not taking responsiblity.... everyone needs to take responsiblity for their own actions and admit when they make mistakes instead of blamming everyone else....

I too am one of those people who is afraid of being hurt again... but I have only been hurt once...

thats why if you shack up you have to keep finances seperate. If you own a house then to protect your self you need to etablish rent from partner with paper trails and keep all finances seperate. do not make big purcheses together

NO to shacking up but, feel free to stop by and vacume anytime

find a good one. then shack up or get married. but enjoy one another
for all it's worth and as much as you can!

the rest is just legal cr*p.

cincy and poohbear. I agree with you both and anything I say I try to remember to hear what I say. Even though I'm in a relationship now and have a better understanding of whats expected of me. It doesn't mean I wont make mistakes but I can learn from them and being with my gf, I can say this is the first relationship that were actually communicating with each other. I'm actuall moving in with her in a couple months and this is where things will take place and her having a daughter is taking on a new situation for me. Actually a beautiful one at that But as you both said, it takes work but if both are willing to work for it. Then that is where the relationship starts to grow.

Ive done both and I can honestly say my shacking up lasted longer than my marriage...

But then again I think I believed in everlasting love back then and took alot more crap and really tried.

My marriage, after seeing so much crap in such a short time, I stopped trying.

So, its not really how you do it but if its with the right person!!

Hmmmm...never done it before. I don't see a problem with it if it's the right woman.

Though.........damn I make a lovely bride!!!

Gypsy

the best part of shacking up is...bedtime

I like it when they make me supper!!! oh ya and bedtime!!!