For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out.

©2005 Ferd

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

You are totally right!!!
How very on target this is.And so funny to not be a fun experience at all...

Bravo, Chelle...Great writing from a not so great experience.
GEL

"I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out."

OUCH!!! I would rather pass on that test if you don't mind!

great one!!!

I pass on that test too. ouchy

OMG! I have to send this to my mom! She's getting her first biopsy today and she's worried about the test. I think she'll be able to relate to this when she gets back to work tomorrow!

, but by me on that ball thing

thats just wrong chelle

lmao Thump....thats what happens to us women when we go get our "mammies gramed"

this is why i tell people about thermoscans,, they pick something up faster and with no pain whatsoever. check into it