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| Topic: Why do you need a hug? | |
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Welcome back Pacific!
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Because deep down I'm terrified...
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Hi Pacificstar!!! welcome back
(((((((Carebear)))))))) you have nothing to fear 
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(((Aqua))) ty!
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Defective, Un-fixable, Tired And Morbidly Hopeless....Years of therapy, different anti-depressant meds a day, great loving family. I was broken long ago but I have to take responsibility for being unable to rise above my obstacles. I spent a long time trying to manage the pain with drugs and alcohol. But I'm taking the steps now to be clean and sober so I can to be the kind of person I aspire to be but I'm failing. My warped emotional landscape is littered with endless episodes where my anger and insecurity has led to bad behavior and poor decisions. I've alienated people, ruining relationships over and over. It's all my fault. I'm too weak and self centered to rise above all the wreckage. I'm tired, I have no strength left to fight the good fight. Not enough character to let my gratitude for my family heal me in any way. A long, slow downward spiral to another crash and burn. I want to die. Anyone who reads this is probably tsk-tsking at another loser feeling sorry for themselves. That may be true but I feel like I've fought hard and lost. I'm tired of losing. So, today I need a Hug! 
Sending you a hug and some hope. And hopefully a little peace to rest to continue to sort things out. You did not get into the mess your life is described to be overnight so don't beat yourself up if you can't straighten it out over night. One day at a time. When necessary one hour at a time. Even one minute. You can hold your breath that long so just hang on and breath. May be hard for you to see from your vantage point but sounds like you are taking ownership and that is pretty huge step forward.
Turn around's do tend to make us a little dizzy but it is a good sign that you are looking to a new direction but a little confused how to get there. Don't dispair everyone feels wobbly and exhausted when the journey seems to go another direction. You are used to failure and success is going to feel foreign and overwhelming. Baby steps are always the hardest. Celebrate the the steps in your journey to where you want to be and it will feel a little less overwhelming. Victory how ever small gains momentum. Got to learn to stand, then walk, before you can take off and run. Sorry I don't buy if your life is crashed and burned around drugs and alcohol that it is ALL your fault. Yea you made choices but maturity and making good choices skills are something that are taught over a life time and someone dropped the ball more than a few times it sounds like. Sorry life sucks sometimes when family, teachers, community leaders, friends, and lovers drop the ball and let us fail. But give yourself a break and lean on the ones that are there and maybe someday in the future you can help fill the gaps when you are stronger. I also don't buy that you are broken. Beat up pretty good I will buy but broken, unfixable, hopeless, lacking character? Nah I doubt that because you feel guilty and know you have made mistakes. If you have been on antidepressants for years sounds like you have been handed some tough medical issues that with a little more help could be turned around. That you feel bad shows you got at least some of the right stuff. So what you have not over come ALL your obstacles. Even Superman had his cryptonite to deal with occassionaly. But at least you can lable some of your core issues; anger, insecurity, addiction, depression. That is a step in the right direction. Don't give up just keep chipping away at the mountains and you will get a toe hold and move forward a little each day. I doubt you really want to die. Maybe you would like to let a few of your miseries die. Can't say I disagree with letting some of your previous sins go, at least for the time being. Can't say I know anyone who can do well dragging around the dead corpses of every failure they ever had so I would recommend parking some of them and quit hanging out in the graveyard of regrets. Believe me every one has failures. Life is NEVER a success only journey. We all have had our frogs to kiss in life. We have ALL had our days of being real Toads. But you have too much to live for if you have put this much work into thinking about what has messed up your progress. To quit now you have the map identifying the no go zones is missing the progress you have made. |
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Sure could use a hug  ...very frustrated wife passed 3 1/2 yrs. ago was really hard st first was her total care for the last 8 months or so. She was real sick and did everything I could to remove her pain. Thing is it took more out of me than I realized. Now that I am coming out of funk I find myself all alone and the I feel right now I'm not sure I could even buy a date. I feel as though I am on the fringes and not being noticed. So dog gone lonely.... after 20yrs. of marriage so hard to get used to. I don't think I ever will.
Hi Boston, Know the feeling well of trying to move forward after such a loss. Holidays always seem to fan the flames of grief and loneliness but your cute smile will be noticed if you keep posting. 20 years in a LTR Wow you have to share your secrets. Welcome to Mingle. |
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I need a hug because I'm an idiot. 
Paint I have read your posts. You are far from an idiot. Whatever has you grumbling will send a (((Paint)))for. |
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Because deep down I'm terrified... Think we all can relate to that feeling. Guess it is something core to be human? |
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I'm giving everybody a hug just in case they need one!
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I need a hug because I'm an idiot.
You are not a Idiot, you deserve a hug because your a nice person.
Thanks Jack. |
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Because deep down I'm terrified... (((Carebear)))
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I need a hug because I'm an idiot.
Paint I have read your posts. You are far from an idiot. Whatever has you grumbling will send a (((Paint)))for. Thank you (((Pacific)))
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I need a hug because I have the flu
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Feel better soon (((Jersey)))
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Aww thank you that's better than a hug
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Because I'm about to walk my dog and I think she wants to eat me. lol
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Hugs for Izzy. Who needs to learn to bring dog treats with him.
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Halleluyah! Thank God. Hoping and praying 4 more positive news concerning d others
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I am sorry for your loss.
I have a question for you, if you actually live in Jacksonville Florida. My family and I would like to move there and I'd like to get a feel of the city. I hope to open up a communications either here or my email. Offtherack2005@gmail.com |
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I am sorry for your loss.
I have a question for you, if you actually live in Jacksonville Florida. My family and I would like to move there and I'd like to get a feel of the city. I hope to open up a communications either here or my email. Offtherack2005@gmail.com |
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