Community > General Discussion

Topic: Christmas feelings
SparklingCrystal 💖💎 Joined Mon 05/20/13 Posts: 33432	Mon 12/23/13 09:19 AM
I do think there is a time when you have to focus on the good and the holidays is as good a time as ever. I do think there is a time when sorrow has become a choice, an old habit, a comforter to avoid the fear of moving forward and what it may hold I lost my dad during the holidays, seven years ago,, WHEN I LOST HIM, I cried nearly two days straight, and then off and on again for probably a month but I cant imagine today doing anything but remembering all the great times and things about my dad during the holidays as opposed to recalling that sadness,,,,, at some point, sorrow is a choice,,,for whatever the reason,, it makes a lot of sense too, that those who were already sad or lonely before the loss will have that heightened on the holidays,, @ Kik Hug for you too!

KiK2me Joined Sun 01/06/13 Posts: 8732	Mon 12/23/13 09:45 AM
@ Kik Hug for you too! UMMMMMM THAT feels SOOOOO good ! Thank You Sexxy Fairy !

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Mon 12/23/13 01:20 PM Edited by navygirl on Mon 12/23/13 01:22 PM
I do think there is a time when you have to focus on the good and the holidays is as good a time as ever. I do think there is a time when sorrow has become a choice, an old habit, a comforter to avoid the fear of moving forward and what it may hold I lost my dad during the holidays, seven years ago,, WHEN I LOST HIM, I cried nearly two days straight, and then off and on again for probably a month but I cant imagine today doing anything but remembering all the great times and things about my dad during the holidays as opposed to recalling that sadness,,,,, at some point, sorrow is a choice,,,for whatever the reason,, it makes a lot of sense too, that those who were already sad or lonely before the loss will have that heightened on the holidays,, Except for the part about sorrow being a choice, I agree!...Each of us handle our pain and suffering in our own way and in our own time...We all have triggers that remind of of good times and bad...My thought about those who feel and express saddness and depression during Christmas is not to judge them, but to reach out with kindness, a gentle heart, and good tidings in the true spirit of the holiday season... MERRY CHRISTMAS HARMONY! Agreed. I don't think TV shows and advertising help in this situation. They show happy families that are also well off. Some people have very little, lost someone, or spend their time alone at Christmas. I used to feel sad about being alone for Christmas but now I just don't acknowledge Christmas. I have no fond memories of Christmas with my family as my dad treated us horribly and I usually worked through every Christmas while in the military so never gave Christmas much thought. For others it isn't that easy as this time of year causes much pain for them. As Leigh says; we need to reach out not judge them.

SunnyDaisy6 Joined Fri 12/20/13 Posts: 65	Mon 12/23/13 01:51 PM
Fascinating ..... I cried for years about my mother as she died when I was 9 but I find it interesting how we have muscle memory and I think it's possible to have " emotional mourning memory " I refused to let go until yesterday I let go As I know she wants me to be happy and that's what drives me there's a beautiful Buddhist quote ( not word for word but ) Cry but don't drown in the river of your own tears ... I think our beloved people who have passed away would Definately want us to be happy not sad lets remember our beloved in a positive way and remember the love not drown in our pain ... Merry Christmas x

SparklingCrystal 💖💎 Joined Mon 05/20/13 Posts: 33432	Mon 12/23/13 02:23 PM
Fascinating ..... I cried for years about my mother as she died when I was 9 but I find it interesting how we have muscle memory and I think it's possible to have " emotional mourning memory " I refused to let go until yesterday I let go As I know she wants me to be happy and that's what drives me there's a beautiful Buddhist quote ( not word for word but ) Cry but don't drown in the river of your own tears ... I think our beloved people who have passed away would Definately want us to be happy not sad lets remember our beloved in a positive way and remember the love not drown in our pain ... Merry Christmas x Wonderful SunnyDaisy, I believe the exact same thing. Merry Christmas

cuddlebunny00 Joined Sat 04/07/12 Posts: 550	Mon 12/23/13 02:34 PM
Sometimes people need to walk in other people's shoes for awhile to understand. Must be nice to always be so strong.

Leigh2154 Joined Sun 10/02/11 Posts: 16479	Mon 12/23/13 02:37 PM
I do think there is a time when you have to focus on the good and the holidays is as good a time as ever. I do think there is a time when sorrow has become a choice, an old habit, a comforter to avoid the fear of moving forward and what it may hold I lost my dad during the holidays, seven years ago,, WHEN I LOST HIM, I cried nearly two days straight, and then off and on again for probably a month but I cant imagine today doing anything but remembering all the great times and things about my dad during the holidays as opposed to recalling that sadness,,,,, at some point, sorrow is a choice,,,for whatever the reason,, it makes a lot of sense too, that those who were already sad or lonely before the loss will have that heightened on the holidays,, Except for the part about sorrow being a choice, I agree!...Each of us handle our pain and suffering in our own way and in our own time...We all have triggers that remind of of good times and bad...My thought about those who feel and express saddness and depression during Christmas is not to judge them, but to reach out with kindness, a gentle heart, and good tidings in the true spirit of the holiday season... MERRY CHRISTMAS HARMONY! Agreed. I don't think TV shows and advertising help in this situation. They show happy families that are also well off. Some people have very little, lost someone, or spend their time alone at Christmas. I used to feel sad about being alone for Christmas but now I just don't acknowledge Christmas. I have no fond memories of Christmas with my family as my dad treated us horribly and I usually worked through every Christmas while in the military so never gave Christmas much thought. For others it isn't that easy as this time of year causes much pain for them. As Leigh says; we need to reach out not judge them. Fascinating ..... I cried for years about my mother as she died when I was 9 but I find it interesting how we have muscle memory and I think it's possible to have " emotional mourning memory " I refused to let go until yesterday I let go As I know she wants me to be happy and that's what drives me there's a beautiful Buddhist quote ( not word for word but ) Cry but don't drown in the river of your own tears ... I think our beloved people who have passed away would Definately want us to be happy not sad lets remember our beloved in a positive way and remember the love not drown in our pain ... Merry Christmas x @ NavyGirl...Hello Miss Lovely! ...Merry, Happy, Merry, Happy! @ SunnyDaisy... Great post!...Merry Christmas and Welcome to Mingle!!

dcastelmissy Joined Thu 08/01/13 Posts: 39633	Mon 12/23/13 02:39 PM
Fascinating ..... I cried for years about my mother as she died when I was 9 but I find it interesting how we have muscle memory and I think it's possible to have " emotional mourning memory " I refused to let go until yesterday I let go As I know she wants me to be happy and that's what drives me there's a beautiful Buddhist quote ( not word for word but ) Cry but don't drown in the river of your own tears ... I think our beloved people who have passed away would Definately want us to be happy not sad lets remember our beloved in a positive way and remember the love not drown in our pain ... Merry Christmas x I agree that most of us should not drown in a river of our own tears, but the addage above does not say "not to cry". For those who have severe depression, it is not so easily managed and according to psychologists need therapy of some sort just to cope with it, thereby making it outside of their own realm to be able to handle. They don't "wallow in their tears by choice" but because of the depressed "condition".

larsson71 Joined Fri 09/20/13 Posts: 2204	Mon 12/23/13 02:45 PM
Sometimes people need to walk in other people's shoes for awhile to understand. Must be nice to always be so strong. Nah, knowing my luck i'd get athletes foot if I did that? Merry xmas to everyone on the thread and in the forums! I've lost close friends and family at this time of year also, but I also know that they'd want me to enjoy myself the same way as I did when they were here and I was blessed with their company while they were alive!

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Mon 12/23/13 05:01 PM Edited by navygirl on Mon 12/23/13 05:01 PM
I do think there is a time when you have to focus on the good and the holidays is as good a time as ever. I do think there is a time when sorrow has become a choice, an old habit, a comforter to avoid the fear of moving forward and what it may hold I lost my dad during the holidays, seven years ago,, WHEN I LOST HIM, I cried nearly two days straight, and then off and on again for probably a month but I cant imagine today doing anything but remembering all the great times and things about my dad during the holidays as opposed to recalling that sadness,,,,, at some point, sorrow is a choice,,,for whatever the reason,, it makes a lot of sense too, that those who were already sad or lonely before the loss will have that heightened on the holidays,, Except for the part about sorrow being a choice, I agree!...Each of us handle our pain and suffering in our own way and in our own time...We all have triggers that remind of of good times and bad...My thought about those who feel and express saddness and depression during Christmas is not to judge them, but to reach out with kindness, a gentle heart, and good tidings in the true spirit of the holiday season... MERRY CHRISTMAS HARMONY! Agreed. I don't think TV shows and advertising help in this situation. They show happy families that are also well off. Some people have very little, lost someone, or spend their time alone at Christmas. I used to feel sad about being alone for Christmas but now I just don't acknowledge Christmas. I have no fond memories of Christmas with my family as my dad treated us horribly and I usually worked through every Christmas while in the military so never gave Christmas much thought. For others it isn't that easy as this time of year causes much pain for them. As Leigh says; we need to reach out not judge them. Fascinating ..... I cried for years about my mother as she died when I was 9 but I find it interesting how we have muscle memory and I think it's possible to have " emotional mourning memory " I refused to let go until yesterday I let go As I know she wants me to be happy and that's what drives me there's a beautiful Buddhist quote ( not word for word but ) Cry but don't drown in the river of your own tears ... I think our beloved people who have passed away would Definately want us to be happy not sad lets remember our beloved in a positive way and remember the love not drown in our pain ... Merry Christmas x @ NavyGirl...Hello Miss Lovely! ...Merry, Happy, Merry, Happy! @ SunnyDaisy... Great post!...Merry Christmas and Welcome to Mingle!! Thanks Leigh.

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Mon 12/23/13 05:04 PM
Sometimes people need to walk in other people's shoes for awhile to understand. Must be nice to always be so strong. Agreed. Some people just don't get how hard this time of year can get. I personally see no joy, no happiness, or anything to feel Merry for at Christmas but I don't expect people to understand. As I said; I just treat it like any other day and its easier to cope with.