sounds like your dad is basically a bad man and you will never get enough of his respect to either help him or suit you. Run do not walk away from him and get some counseling because good or bad he is your role model and without counseling you may end up just like him.

I hope not......

hey dooby i kinda get what u r going through im not a parent but my mom kept the same abusive guy around from the time i was 4 to 16 he is still around the only reason he changed is kuz one day he hit my mom and i almost killed him with my bare hands i dnt suggest that but what i do suggest is to try your hardest to not b like him you can do it if you try hard enough i did get a good job move out and just tell him straight up how he has made you feel and how much he has hurt you good luck kid

Well I have a long story on this, if yall wanna hear it I will post it. I don't see why not.

hey dooby. I'm so sorry that the people in your life who are s'posed to support and teach you, are so mean.
The hard truth is that people cannot teach or exhibit better behavior if they just don't know better, or if they are too blinded by whatever injustice they feel was done to them in the past.
There's a book written a year or so ago called "Hurt people, hurt people". Quite insightful.
If you know anything of your parents history, you can probably see what I mean. Could be they witnessed alot of mean from their own people...usually feeling rejected or abandoned causes people to be mean to others.
But it's a situation that you cannot allow to ruin you. If you are old enough to take care of yourself, then it's wise that you do so. If you are still legally under their control, pray for the strength to not take it so personally. They are only living what they know. Most times it has very little to do with you directly...it's just a reflex behavior based on their own history of hurt.
You've taken an important 1st step, tho'. Reaching out to others. You're never alone. breathe deeply, and say a prayer before reacting. God is with you.

Yes, dooby, you don't have to grow up to be your parent!!! I know I made conscious choices to be the complete opposite of my mom and I know I am a great mom to my son!!! Im not perfect and I do know that every once in a while I say something that reminds me of my mom, but then I squash it. Ive also said sorry to my son for things Ive said and didnt mean. I think that is very important to be able to say that and he respects me for it!

He ain't really a bad men. Hes been though a lot because of my mom and it hurt him so bad and he takes it out on me. I can explain the story but It a long one and I don't know if yall wanna hear a long story? He does take me to work and since I talked with him when I took the 2nd step moving out, hes been a little better. I think maybe if me and him clean the house and he didn't play the shooting games, then just maybe it would help. I don't know but maybe my life is a challage for a reason? So I can help others possibly? Who knows I this deal with it most of the time and plan on not being like my dad. :Points out he's been told he be a great father one day.

Yes, I think my mom had been through alot as well to make her that way. Ive forgiven her......my sister never will and its made her sick I believe. Hate will come out in so many facets of your health.

You have a choice to listen to bad things or not.

What I would do, next time he says something mean to you......ask him....."Why are you trying to make me feel bad"

I bet it will shock him....

If you see no change after doing everything you can...get away if not it will destroy you ..i grew up with an alcoholic mother after my father left her after the vietnam war. i know your father doesnt drink but if youve tried everything you can than get away they will only change when they are ready. for years i ve tried to change my mother hadnt seen her in 10 years brought my son back with me after my separation with my girlfriend and she started treated him the same way she treated me i now live about 35 miles from her but i wont see her She drinks every day and still smokes cigarettes even though she has emphysema.I thought that maybe she would change after being away maybe she would think about the abuse i had to put up with as a child..she still hasnt changed and i have to resign myself into believing she never will .No matter how much you love them ,how much you may want a relationship with them sometimes it just dont happen and you find that all your efforts were just a waste if time.For years i blamed myself Iam 47 years old and have just learned , Live your life for yourself and you may have to let this sleeping dog lie. Take care of yourself and move onward. no matter what you do or what you might say some people only change when their ready ..some never do.sometimes love works better at a distance. focus on yourself and your goals and make a future for yourself and your future family. The relationship youre looking for with your father may never happen this i know from experience and i wasted so much time,thought and energy that my life is a mess.In reading the replies i see that i am not alone ..funny i always thought i was.JUST TRY TO REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE A WONERFUL PERSON AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST..TAKE CARE KID

dooby i am sorry that your dads anger toward your mom has caused you such emotional pain. I would sit him down and tell him he is HURTING YOU. You want him to STOP with the hatred towards your MOTHER. Parents are not perfect but if he continues to make comments about your girl friends you WILL report him to the authorities. Thats sick and i do agree with you. Its WRONG. Make it clear YOU WILL REPORT HIM.
Being in the shoes hearing my autistic son come home with comments being COACHED by his dad has been horrible for my CHILD. I am a big girl and can let it roll off me. His dad was an ABUSER. But the emotional damage being done to my boy has been overwhelming. Sadly the courts have seen the dad haul me into court countless times and now I am ORDERED to not say or do ANYTHING to stop this mad man. If i report him HE gets custody. Sound fair? pfffffffffft!!!! All i can do is assure my son at age 12 he can ask to not see his dad anymore. What a shame the games people play. BTW...my son really DISRESPECTS his dad and he is only NINE. BIG HUGS to YOU dooby.

wwell good news, my dad actully set down and talked with my like a man. I was hurting him too, even though i was,ent trying to.

wwell good news, my dad actully set down and talked with my like a man. I was hurting him too, even though i was,ent trying to.

That's good to hear.

Dooby I am glad that you and your Dad had a heart to heart. Communication between a 20 Something and a 40 Something is always going to have a few bumps but good vibes tend to inspire more good communication. Hopefully things will continue to get better.
Not hearing your Dad's remark about your girlfriend in context I don't want to jump to the extream conclusion that your Dad is a pervert. The suggestion that he was trying to relate to you as a "peer" is quite possible. Especially if your girlfriend is mature acting/looking.
That said it is absolutely NOT approriate for a 16 year old female to be seeing a 20 year old and hanging around a 40ish single man for him to be making comments about her. I wouldn't even recommend that age disparity with a 16 year old male. Especially in a situation where verbal abuse is common. It is just asking for trouble for you and your Dad when someone decides to make trouble.
I think your gut instinct that your Dad is exhibiting a troubleing sign in playing a shooting game is probably on target and the name of that may be Depression. Which is a very treatable condition with a supportive family member. But it has to be HIS idea to treat it. And it only done in baby steps that you don't have the time or the patience for.
I would RESIST falling in the trap of trying to reverse parent/child roles with your Dad and/or be his therapist. If you put yourself in his shoes you would probably resent it. To him you are a kid who moved out for one summer and then moved back. While he may be really glad you did it hurts your credit as being dependable, mature, or any more commited to him than your Mom was.
You would probably be giving yourself too much credit to think that your leaving for a summer somehow straitened your Dad out for a while when it is more likely he just had a mood swing maybe even a manic swing which would account for why your Mom split and why he has spells of mean mouth. Which could also be applified if it was a learned/genetic behavior from a manic depressive parent. Your Grand-Dad is Viet Era draft age so you may be learning what your Dad may have lived which is the world is a mean place where men don't put things in pretty words.
While you are out there compareing how other Dad's act keep in mind that how they act when you are watching is probably a whole lot nicer than it is in real life.
I can understand how it would be happier if you had a "nice" Dad; especially with your Mom giving you a short straw also but he is probably angry on so many levels; hurt that your Mom left him, hurt that she left you, hurt that you hurt, hurt that he is nt able to stop either of your suffering, and hurt that he is not enough. Adding hurt that you think he is failed as a Dad isn't going to help things get better. Neither is ignoreing the fact that as a sole parent maybe he didn't get to be the soft parent or you would have run all over him and turned out to be a real mess.
The advice that you should take advantage of the tuiton assistance your emplyer gives you and transfer to any number of the stores that are close to colleges in Florida or Georgia (Atlanta has 18 different Universities and Publix stores all over the metro area) and improve your own life is good.
That your advice will have a lot more credit when you are 30, a college grad, with a good job. Having a High school diploma is ok but not alot to brag about as a 20 year old bag boy who still lives with Daddy but dogs him out on the computer open forums. Guess a sad story gets more attention.

In reading all of this and noticing your name "dooby," I can't help but wonder... do you think you might be acting unkindly toward your dad because of all the pot smoking?

I smoked it for many years myself (not anymore) and I know that when you're clouding your mind with toxins (I don't think any marijuana is good... not even for medical use... has too many bad side effects), you are changing your personality whether you realize it or not. People might not like who this new person is... you tend to take it out on those around you, especially if they don't agree with what you're doing.

As for your dad playing video games and not keeping up on the housecleaning, that's a serious issue lots of people have... it's addicting and is basically another form of depression... hiding themselves away from the real world and not taking care of real life business. Exercise will help both of you, quit smoking pot, you said you're in church... tell your minister you smoke pot, maybe he can give you enough guilt to stop.

Talk to each other and get out for fresh air. Fly a kite. Plant a garden. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Go fishing. Go exploring. Learn to paddle a canoe. Find a healthy hobby you can share. Collect rocks. Go birdwatching. Go hunting. Go paintballing. Get some arrows and a bow and have fun in a forest. lol

hey, my mom was the exact same way, even to the point she had my dad put in prison for something he didn't even do.....but my dad fortunately doesn't take it on me.....maybe your father needs to seek some form of therapy to work through the anger he still has against your mom.....tell him you're sick and tired of him bashing you just because of your mom, you didn't ask for her to do this and therefore you shouldn't have to be punished for it.