You as an outsider there isnt much you can do. talk to your partner and express yo concerns. then let them deal with there issues. you stepping in will only make you the bad person. families always have a way of understanding each other even in bad situations. they are always protective towards each other.

OP, even with all the new info you've provided, I still agree with the person who said YOU can't do anything about it. It's the guy's mother, not YOURS so it's up to him to stand up to her, if he's willing and able to. You can talk to us about it all day and nothing will change.

No one is telling you to break up with him, no one is telling you he's a dead beat dad, or judging him for being the sole caregiver for his children.

What we ARE saying is that you need to talk to your bf and tell him how you feel. It's up to HIM to deal with his mother. All of the stuff you've said to us here, you need to say that to him. We are a bunch of strangers, from different parts of the world, we don't know you or your bf or his family, so anything we say is going to be irrelevant, even if we agree with you. TALK to your bf. That is all you can do.

If he can resolve the situation with his mom, that will be great. If he can't, or if he's unwilling to, all you can do is walk away. Even if you'e invested in him and the kids, if he's not wiling to work on whatever is causing the problem, you can't do anything about it but walk away. Otherwise, you're going to constantly be upset about it, and that doesn't help anyone.

I know it's hard to leave someone you care about, but if all the relationship is doing is causing you grief, I don't see the point in staying. Does your bf even know that his mom's behavior bothers you?

As for people advocating family and all that, as far as I'm concerned, family is fine, but everyone has their place. My family has no place in my relationship. Period. And I make that clear whenever it's necessary.

As I said initially, I hope everything works out for you both, but nothing is ever going to be resolved if you don't tell him how you feel and give him a chance to rectify things. If he can't or he won't, then the rest IS up to you.

Good luck.



OH, I haven't been telling this story because I didn't know that it was his place to set his family boundaries regarding his romantic relationship. I wanted to see what others opinions would be.

I've already broken up with him, cut the ties because I value my own self worth to live my own life and not have my happiness dictated by anyone else. Like I said, I wasn't going to be a convenient doormat for anyone's life and that at the end of the day, yes, obviously it's their decision to stay in an unhappy environment for whatever reasons. I did remove myself from it. I love him & his kids, but I had to love myself more and be happy. I gave it a fair chance, and I have no regrets.

I've known "that" since day one and long before I met him...lol.

I'm sharing my story more so for the "Families" .....the mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, children, etc. that intentionally try to to cause trouble and interfere with the ones they claim to love. And they know who they are and what they are doing when they do it.

I have a family too, like I said, I'm a mother....and I'm trying to give some sage advice to buttinsky (even if you think you know it all and mean well family members) and in my particular case it happened to be someones mother, it could be any family member for example.

My advice is ....if you know a family member, be it a grown child, a bro a, sis, even your own parent who has finally found happiness and love again, and it's hard enough to make any romantic relationship work these days(or none of us would be on this dating site trying to find it, hey) to step back. And unless you know for a fact that your family member is dating "Jeffery Dahmer".........love and respect them (and yourself) enough to let them have their space, have their relationship, and be happy. Giving your 2 cents is fine, but a buck fifty isn't...lol.."

Be genuinely happy and supportive of the relationship and welcome the new person in. Don't ever make the new person feel like they are the only ones who need to "earn" (as some have said) your respect or place in the family. Really, how arrogant and unaccepting, uninviting, unloving is that. Treat people as "innocent" before trying to prove them "guilty". Remember they don't know you and what they are getting themselves into either, so it's more of a two way street. Because there are at least two people involved in that relationship and the person your son, daughter, whomever is dating has the right to be respected, and given a fair chance as you would want to be if in their shoes.

So to the "Families" of others who are trying to have a romantic relationship, think about "how you would want to be treated" when/if you are trying to have a relationship and would like to become a part of someone else's family.

I could reply again, but I won't.

Because this topic went from asking for help, about a controlling family.

To basically bashing that family and warning others to "know who their families are"

You asked for opinions on how to handle it, many people have offered suggestions. Now it seems to have switched gears to why the family is bad "in your eyes" I put "in your eyes" because every story has two sides, and as is the case with forums normally there is only one side presented from one individual and you have to make a best guess as to the other half, even if that individual 'tries' to explain the other side it is going to be tainted by their own opinions and perceptions on the matter.


Brutal honesty here.

He probably did love you, however, love is generally best spoken in action, and if he really wanted to change his situation he would have.

When there is a will, there is a way. However, for whatever reason the will wasn't strong enough.

......He saw what his own family was doing and yes, he admitted he didn't have the guts to stand up for his own life and happiness as much as he really wanted to......
.......
I hope your romantic partner knows the value of "you"......and would jump through fire for you, let alone tell that family member that, "I love you, but I don't like how you're behaving towards my significant other...so if you really love and respect me, you will not behave like that"...thanks.

The End

Obviously, there are some people on this forum that have their own experience as we all do, and are yet, still not hearing what I'm stating in my messages, let me put it into oneliners for those who need the coles notes version more...lol.

He didn't have a job in the beginning for years, but his previous life left him with money to live on so he could be a stay home dad to 2 little girls an 18 month old baby and a 4 year old after his wife had breast cancer and died at 33 yrs.

He is an academically educated man.

Obviously he's a guy and I'm sure the single dads out there, especially if you have daughters, it is different I think than mothers raising children for so many reasons that I shouldn't have to explain, I hope.

So that said, picture a distraught, scared, devastated, grieving young 33 year old man with 2 little babies. Ask yourself, "what would you do?"

Would you drink yourself to death, do drugs, give up your kids, commit suicide, or whatever million other so called solutions to the unthinkable life tragedy that you are now living....would you choose.

He, being the good loving person and father that he is, does what anyone that comes from a huge family of 13 other siblings, and a still living parent of his, would think he could do. He moves home with his own parent in this time of extreme need. She has the space and seems to welcome and encourage him to do so.

He is grateful of course to have such a loving mother/family to lean on of course.....but time goes on, years go on.

The once supportive mother of his, is now acting like a "wife" ......and to some degree she is helping raise these girls, so of course she has say, he (nor am I for that matter) is disputing that. That's fine.......to a degree....but it starts to get out of hand, especially when he has worked through probably the hardest part of his grief and he is a young man now (mid thirties), he is human and has so much love to give. Yes, he actually can still say he still has love to give someone else and would like to find it in return. Most people going through this are not half as stoic, humble gentle and not angry to be able to try to move on with another person.

He has had a couple dif. longterm relationships in this timeframe, his girls accept and adjust to him dating, so even they aren't acting like some kids might and understandably so, if they were jealous, but this wasn't the case. They wanted to see their dad happy with someone else.

But the "Mother" "his own "Mother" .....who offered her hand in that time of ultimate need, is acting like he and his kids owe her something...other than gratitude.

Before she (his mother) had even met me, she tried to break us up....by filling his head and the kids with all dif. kinds of negative scenarios. He was honest enough with me to warn me of it. And by this time, we had been dating for a while, long enough for him to decipher, if I were a murderer, or whatever and not fit to bring into their lives.

The kids meet me, we gradually become close, good friends, spend time together, all in a progressive, sensible timeframe, we eventually gotten to the point where his children in their own time and way told me they loved me and their dad and I were good together and vice versa, I grew to love all three of them.

So we as in the three of us, are living our lives, making the blended relationship grow, wanting a longterm future together.

The whole time, I was promised by him that he was not just using me as scapegoat to get out of that dysfunctional life living with a controlling parent at his age. But that he saw and was working towards that, but even he could not hide his hesitation (and for the negative people who want to say, yeah, maybe he just did not want to be with me) Why not? - He did want to be with me, he always said so, showed it in the interim, etc. We were best friends, very attracted to each other and he'd always complimented me on my "being real and wise" .....this man loved me and I him.

But even his love for me and knowing his kids loved me and wanted to be with me, wasn't strong enough to fight off his own mother & her negative agenda. A mother who put her need & want of controlling her own family above her sons shot at happiness again.

So this all said, to the people who put all their trust & faith in their own families to "have your back and your best interest at heart" ........I hope you actually know "who" your family is and "what" they're about....because it is the most powerful bond and force on the planet, be it positive or negative......and if it's not "real, genuine, loving".........god help you.

You as an outsider there isnt much you can do. talk to your partner and express yo concerns. then let them deal with there issues. you stepping in will only make you the bad person. families always have a way of understanding each other even in bad situations. they are always protective towards each other.