misswright,

I do not have any pat answer for you. I can only tell you how I responded when I went from being a full-time worker to being unemployable due to a permanent disability that causes me to have constant pain throughout my body.

First of all, I have a God who has accepted me as His adopted child on Earth, and I know that as long as I am placing my faith in Messiah Jesus alone, God will take care of my needs.

Second, I have the support of my local community of believers in Messiah Jesus, and they serve as God's helping hands during my times of need.

Because of the above, I can sleep at night because I know that I am in the hands of my God, which is the best place for me to be.

Of course, I have received other help.

My son and I live with my mother because we cannot afford to live on our own.

I tapped into the resources that the government has made available.

I obtained medical documentation about my disability, which enabled me to be granted SSDI. (The receiving of SSDI is only recent.)

In short, I constantly hurt like Hell, and I can no longer earn an income. Yet, I do not fear for my future because I have confidence in what I hope for and assurance about what I do not see. (Heb.11:1)

So, misswright, your situation is not hopeless.

. That's real sweet. Glad I could help. I realize what torture suicide can be. I'm always finding myself listening to others problems, and wonder if I'm meant to be there at that given time, to dissolve their fear or upset. I've had to seperate fights like a security gaurd does. I feel like one. . It's true that there's always others worse off than you. Yes, I was trying to get you to see what you're lucky enough to have, even though it's not the ideal place you want to be. Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Miss Wright,
2 yrs ago I was where your at I lost everything when the economy tanked.Its the humiliation that hurts the most. It fills your life with despair and darkness.Up all night worrying about what I'm going to do, no answers, no way out, I just wanted to die and get it over with.Then I just got sick of being sick I told myself that God had a plan for me and I sat down and counted my blessing and yes my dog was one of them. I called every temporary service in town and registered for work. I got a job delivering medical equipment and seen first hand how bad it could really get.I agree with the advice to join a group that helps others its so rewarding and teaches you that hey things can truly get worse. Try to get off the pain killers so you can pass a drug test. There are so many things you can do in life for work. If you apply 1000 times and get no for a answer then apply at another 1000 jobs. Put your resume on all job sites not just a couple. God loves you just like me. You will get back on your feet and you will beat this.Good luck the world needs more people like you. Fight!! Best wishes and good luck....Jacktrades

Dodo...Thanks for sharing your story. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that's gone through this. Sometimes it feels that way, even though I know it's not true, that many people get permanently injured and learn to cope. You are lucky to have your faith in God. And I'm glad you finally got SSDI (it takes forever!!!!) I'll figure this out. Don't know if my injury is permanent, if the pain will ever go away. I've prayed that it will, but I've now come to the conclusion that I shall pray for the strength to bear it better instead. My life isn't over, it's just different now. That's how I gotta look at it. We are blessed to be here! Both of us. Even though you eat cats!

Thanks again for your support and advice!

Jack...Thank you also for the response. You're right. The humiliation is the hardest part for me. Never been the materialistic type so the lack of money isn't really that hard. It's more the lack of a purpose in life that has me running circles in my mind. I've never done anything but work hard my whole life. I'm not an idle person, or at least I didn't used to be!! Now I'm about as active as a snail on Valium!

I'm not currently on pain meds. Wish I was. I'd be able to work possibly if I had them. I've gotten them a couple of times and they help somewhat. I know they don't solve the issue, only mask the pain, but if they allowed me to get back to work, I'd take them regularly. Nerve pain from what I suspect are destroyed discs in my back/neck keep me on ice most of the time, literally. I can't exactly apply for work like this...some days I can't even lift my arms due to the pain. Gotta get the neck issue resolved, or at least get some relief even if it is pharmaceutical. Then I'll be back at it. Gonna suck big time to start all over again from the bottom, but I've done it before and I will do it again. I'm the friggen little engine that could...I'm just chillin' in the depot right now.

Thanks much for taking the time to share. Means a bunch to me.

Wow I wish I could say your experience did not sound so familiar but believe me your experience is not rare. But the good news is you do have that experience actually upgrading the service systems and the help is improving and the road back does have more help than you might think.

I want to congratulate you for what you have been able to do for yourself and your tenacity in surviving. It may be helpful if you make a sign/calendar and post it where you see it everyday that you can celebrate as a victory. It may not be the victory you are hoping is your norm but it is really every bit as difficult accomplishment. It is relatively easy to go to work, and pay bills ect. when your health isn't chronically kicking your feet out from under you.

I am really sorry you have gotten screwed over by the social insecurity system. It sucks trying to get through but you really need to try again. Your local Mental Health system is your best bet at helping you fill out a claim and it not costing you anything. Keep in mind this does NOT mean you are in need of mental health services this is just the system that has been assigned to help "Medically Fragile" persons cope with the kind of catastrophic hurdles you are coping with. You will be able to do an emergency intake and get a Master Degreed Social worker that a bright woman like you could make some serious progress with finding solutions.

Solutions like getting you into housing designed for medically fragile persons. If you are as impaired as you suggest you would easily qualify for a board and care, a rehabilitation program dorm, Section 8, or possibly even a college dorm placement as a long term part time student under Special Student Services that are available at every federally funded community college or university. Your hero can continue to be your pal and you can have a lot more dignity than what you are being afforded kept in a garage. And with each move up in housing you can get vouchers for the necessities you need.

Solutions like getting you on your states Medical Support systems that should help you with the Durable Medical Equipment and Aid attendant services or even a professional chore worker to help you keep yourself clean and cared for. And the required medication that you need to treat pain which is medical necessity. Probably the Mental Health pharmacy will provide it on sliding scale or free in conjunction with antidepressants but they alone can help reduce pain and help you function so I would not rule it out without at least trying them. Living with chronic pain is no joke and can shift your body chemistry so you need the SRI's. . As someone who lived at least 50 years with acute pain I can recommend quit screwing around and going to an acute pain clinic because they will get you more help than the usual medical humps that will follow the path of least resistence when it comes to justifying the medical options they offer you. Compiling a comprehensive medical record will also help preventing medical mistakes and repetitions.

You have every right to be depressed but generally speaking if it is lasting more than a few weeks it in and of it self may be another qualifier for you to get help; specifically qualified for social security because it is often a chronic secondary disability that is easier to document than say a back injury.

Last but not least I would so strongly recommend you find your Independent Living Center because they are one of the greatest hidden resources for People with Disabilities you can use to help yourself in so many areas it is too long to list. The Key to them it is peer support and they will treat you like a consumer of services and an Adult rather than a helpless victim or just a patient.

If you have any questions about what I am talking about feel free to email me. For what it is worth I have been down this road and found my way back. I am not saying it is easy but if I can do it I am betting you can. Good Luck.

Thank you sooooo much PacificStar for all of the wonderful suggestions. Some of them apply to me, some don't, but I will definitely look into some of the agencies you mentioned.

I am blessed that I can still care for myself quite well on most days. The days I can't, I have my man to help me. He's supported me financially, physically, and most importantly emotionally throughout this whole ordeal. I had just met him after the initial injury and before I knew how bad it was going to get. I had no idea that we'd go from strangers to friends to lovers in such a short span of time, but they say God puts people in our lives for a reason so I'm positive this guy was an angel sent by my Dad, delivered to me at my time of need. He walks the dog when I can't, and he never complains about my current limitations. I could not be any luckier.

Notice I said "current" limitations! I WILL beat this thing. It's going to take some doing, but the doing will get done! It might get done a little slower than I'd normally function, but it will get done nevertheless.

I still have my sense of humor at least. And my intelligence. And support from family and friends. And my most awesome dog Trot! I have so many things to be thankful for that I just try to stay focused on that. And baseball! My team (the Boston Red Sox...GO SOX!!) are in the World Series right now! For many it's just a game, but not for me. There's deep meaning behind it (has to do with my late father... R.I.P Dad )and even more so this year, for me anyways. When I think about how hard my life has become, I concentrate on how hard a player or a team must work to overcome obstacles and fight for what they hope to accomplish. There is no quit. There is no backdown from challenges. There is show up and play the game and do your best. That's all we can hope for...in baseball and in life!

And so I'm abandoning the garage and Mingle for a few hours shortly to go watch game 3. Win or lose, they will try their best. And win or lose, I won't stop battling to get back to the kind of life I want to live where I can actually throw a baseball instead of just watching it! I'll still watch my Sox of course. Have I mentioned I'm a huge Sox fan?!?!

Anyways, thanks for the response and the offer to email ya if I want more info. Really appreciate the input.

Glad it was helpful. I am a baseball fan so currently It is our local team the River Cats. Great past time.

I do think yo9u might be on the right track about sometimes people come into our lives when we need them most and that parents do seem to be our angels. Good Luck.

ive been there an lost every thing too .a whole life time .it seems a total waste of my whole life. but just keep wakeing up every morning an say .. .this is going to be the best day of my life an nothing is going to go bad ,,,,everything is going to be great ..im going to be positive an move forward ...an all good things will happen for me ...an make it happen . .....an if the the day goes to crap ...oh well ...start the next morning off the very same way. .tell ur self its going to be the best day of ur life again an again an over an over till it starts to happen . .it will. be positive always never,never negative ...it causes depression which u have. an only meds ,or positive attitude will help . ..u can do it ...its going to take forever it will feel like ..but slowly it will get better an better ..little at a time thank god for all u have now ..an be thank full for any one who helps u any now ,,even if it don't look like much ...it is a lot ...be happy always ..even wen u feel like why ?... I am starting to look back on my things that have happened for me an I am seeing so many things that are good . an I didn't even no it was happening to me ...but slowly it has ..an it will for u ..too ...never quit an never give up ...well lol .if u do ..an u will quit an give up many times ....just start over again an again with .... this is going to be the best day of my live . it is happening for u right now ,,,u just don't see it yet ...but u will ..have faith in u

In June, I had my first stroke- no effects. In Sept, second stroke took most of my vision, but I got enough back that they said I can drive a car. In Oct, third bastard stroke took my ability to walk- but I am taking tenative steps now. I am not used to not working but crimney if I don't stay positive I will go further downward. We have to believe in ourselves, it truly is not how many times we get knocked down but how many times we get back up.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

I am aware that I have fallen victim to what is called "learned helplessness". I am constantly battling my brain that insists on focusing on the negative, what I can't do, what I have lost. I try to smack those thoughts down and replace them with positive ones, but it's easier said than done. I know doing nothing will accomplish nothing, and so I will keep trying to do something, even if it seems inconsequential. I feel like a failure, which isn't true because the only way to truly fail is to stop trying, and that's something I just refuse to do!! So today I will take one step forward. If I get knocked back two, I will take one step forward again tomorrow in hopes that someday my journey will bring me to a brighter place.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

What you say is so true!! You understand, thank God you understand. And that alone brings me great comfort. Not that I'm happy you've struggled, but the fact that you've been able to maintain a positive attitude and a zest for life gives me hope. I honestly believe that the smallest things in this life can make the biggest difference. Your words included TB. I have copied that last sentence in large letters and those words shall reside above my computer to inspire me each morning. Thank you, thank you, thank you...seriously...THANK YOU!!

I am so sorry you are going through all of this.
Since I have never personally been through this kind of thing I have no advice ,other than to say just know you have friends here and if you ever need a 'Cyber shoulder' to cry on many of us including myself will be there for you.
Good luck , I sincerely hope things will get better for you.

Hey Buddy

Thanks for sharing this. I've been so embarassed by this in my own life that I'm just starting now to come around to dealing with it. I've been having repeated TIA's over the last while and it has been pretty deflating. Your a good man and the blessing I needed today. Hope you don't mind me praying for you. again thanks

YOUR ARE AWESOME !!!

Why embarrassed {{{{{Michael}}}}} ?? ... Hope you have a good doc to advise you!! ...

Just remember your not the only one who has needed help at some time.
our very federal government exists because of co-operation.

Miss wright- it's been a few days since you posted, and I just read through thisthreadnwith tears in my eyes. Our personal struggles can seem lighter when shared;'thank you for being courageous and sharing yours! I have been through medical trials, such as yours, but not financial, so I understand the feeling of helplessness and despair at being "useless". I am wondering if you have made any progress getting the depression treated? There have been some solid people giving advice, here, (PacificStar, mg, TB, Leigh, etc.), so I am glad you are feeling supported. :)

I really like the idea of tracking daily accomplishments. I find it very motivating. I have a bulletin board in my kitchen to keep my TO DO stickies on. Some days, if I get a shower, that is a major win! I was feeling pretty down, today, and it was great to read mg's discourse on why we come to Mingle- it is so true.

I send you much light and love and positive energy to help you find your way.
Jaded

Thanks for posting Jaded. To answer your question, no I haven't been able to get to a doctor yet for help with either the depression or the back/neck injury. I have however taken steps to fix my current difficult situation. Do nothing and nothing will change, and so I'm at least doing something!

I'm not sure where I'm going, or what exactly I'm doing, but I know that living like this is nothing more than slow suicide. If I won't do it quickly, why should I suffer the torture of doing it slowly?!? And so I am making some major life changes. I think I may have to go a little further down before I rise again, but I'm strong and I can handle this.

I slept in the truck the other night with the dog. I was scared. Tried to roll the windows up, but with both of us breathing hot air, wasn't too long before the dog was panting, and so down go the windows. Hard to go to sleep knowing someone could just walk up and plunge a knife in your chest to steal your truck while you're sleeping. But I did it, and lo and behold, I survived. And I will continue to survive. Or I won't. But I will do my best until I die, and I can't really ask more of myself than that now can I?!?

Thank you for your kind words and warm thoughts.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself because it only makes things worse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo