A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

That's a oldie but a goodie......

I've never heard this one!! HILARIOUS!!!!

1. She is not picking your calls
right? Don't
worry, send her a
text saying "Honey have you
recieved the
money?"... She will call back. 2. He is not picking your calls
right? Don't
worry, upload his picture on
your profile and
write "I' will miss you, Rest
In .Peace...", He will call back. Chap chap TRUE OR FALSE?

I don't know about #2... but #1 Honey, have you received the money... screw the call, I'll be at your door!

Akpos and Jonathan(not GEJ o)
lived next
door to each other.
Akpos owned a hen and each
morning he
would look in his garden and pick up one of
his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his
garden and saw
that the hen had laid an egg in
Jonathan's garden. He was about to go
next door when
he saw Jonathan pick up the
egg.
Akpos ran up to Jonathan and
told him that the egg belonged to him
because he owned
the hen.
Jonathan disagreed because the
egg was laid
on his property. They argued for a while until
finally Akpos
said, "In my family we normally
solve
disputes by the following actions:
I kick you in the testicles and time how
long it takes for
you to get back up. Then you
kick me in the
testicles and time how long it
takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker
wins the
egg."
Jonathan agreed to this and so
Akpos put on
the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He
took a few steps back, then ran
toward
Jonathan and kicked him as hard
as he could
in the testicles. Jonathan fell to the floor
clutching his groin,
howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually Jonathan stood up
and said, "Now
it's my turn to kick you." Akpos smiled and said, "Ye can
keep the
damn egg!!"