Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.


Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.


Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?


Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!


If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.


I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.


If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.


I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.


WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.


This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.


I have the body of a god… Buddha!


I get enough exercise pushing my luck.


Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy


If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.


Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep


Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.


I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.


Born free… taxed to death.


The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.


Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.


A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.


There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.


I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.


Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.


WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.


If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.


You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.


The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.


I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.


So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!


Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.


If, a two letter word for futility


I don’t care, I don’t have to.


Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.


Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.


To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.


I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.


Horn broken, watch for finger.


All men are idiots … I married their king.


The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.


My kid had sex with your honor student.


Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.


Give pizza chants.

Very funny!

"Horn broken, watch for finger"

That used to be my bumper sticker!


"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated"

Damn! Where's Seven when you need her???

haha!! luv it !!

practice safe sex, go f**k yourself

safe sex sucks so screw someone special

proper prior planning prevents pisspoor performance

Call it incest if you will, but I want my mommy.

Preserve nature - Pickle a squirrel

If I'm into flaggelation, Necrophillia and beastiality, Am I flogging a dead horse.

Don't walk on the grass. Is it okay to f*ck on there then?