Actually, I'm totally fed up with it. Fed up with trying to be a nice guy and having the phone hung up on me. I like the girl but what's the point in having a girlfriend that won't even talk to me or answer the phone?

I'm supposed to just wait around until she wants to talk to me because nobody else wants me? This isn't a relationship and it is all on her terms. Had that before and put up with it because I try to make relationships work with women that don't even want me. It sucks.

I call her and say that I care about her and am concerned about her and she hangs up on me. I ask her how she feels about us and she says that she doesn't know. We spend time together and I give her sex and then she buggers off. The fact of the matter is that I'm being treated like a mug and she's totally unreliable and doesn't take my feelings into consideration. It's all about her and I have no control. I'm supposed to go along with that because nice guys aren't supposed to try to control women. But this woman is out of control. Yeah, right. She's not responsible for her actions but that's a load of crap.

Ew, sounds like you need to back away from that. You deserve better.....

I think that you are right. The sex gets better and the "relationship" gets worse. She's twenty three years old. I try telling myself that there's plenty of time for her to grow up and I deserve this little midlife crisis after the crappy year that I've just had. I try being sympathetic about her problems and I remember what I was like at that age.

She said to me that, "One thing that you will learn about me is that I just go where my feet take me". Fine, I should just tell her to watch out that the door doesn't hit her backside as she walks out of it. Screw being a "nice guy". I had a three year off and on thing with an other moody cow because I'm no pushover and I won't put up with crap. Once the honeymoon period is over it's time to poop or get off the pot. Yeah, the sex is pretty good, although she has no stamina and gets tired within an hour. Yeah, it was cool introducing her to old music that I like and being told that she will introduce me to new things but I'm not that bothered about listening to crap that she downloaded on her phone and I've got a proper stereo and a huge collection of stuff that I do like and means something to me. Yeah, her randomness means that she's full of surprises but I'm looking for a steady girlfriend. Yeah, I can still get into the same size leather jeans that I was wearing when I was eighteen and I'm still as strong and fit as I was then and I could talk the hind legs off a donkey. Yeah, a woman would probably have to be mad to put up with me but this one can't put up with me for very long and I'm looking for somebody that does want to settle down.

When I met her she said that she wants to settle down and that she's looking for "Mr Right" but this girl isn't right and she certainly isn't ready to settle down and she doesn't know what she wants. I told myself that I get no joy with picky types but that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me and I just haven't met the right woman yet.

23 is very young, she barely knows who she is yet, let alone what she wants out of life.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I said to her that first day that we met and I think that it's that she's looking for some sort of stability because she is all over the place but this whole thing looks like it can only end up as an abusive relationship. That's the last thing that I want. I had another girlfriend that I met at the end of last year that had similar problems and it got to the point where I had to say to her that I wasn't happy with the way that she was behaving. That can only lead to arguments and a lot of drama.

I've been patient with this girl for months but I am really fed up with it now and if she does contact me again I've got to tell her that. If I tell her that she's got to change that makes me a control freak. This isn't the sort of relationship that I want and unless she can get her act together it's never going to work. We don't even "date" as such, although I keep asking her if we can go out together, rather than her just coming to my house when she wants to see me. If I say to her that we can be friends I think that it will have to be from a distance and she doesn't really like chatting on the phone or on the internet. Not with me anyway, even though she goes on Facebook with her friends. She even borrowed ten quid from me the last time that I saw her so that she could top up her internet credits on her phone.

I feel like she's totally taking advantage of me and my good nature. She said that she liked me for my personality but it's like these women pick on me because they think that I'm desperate and will put up with anything.

Well, you have to show people that you're not desperate and won't put up with anything bad. Let her pay her own bills, when my cell phone bill is due I can't afford it, it goes off until I can pay it again.

I've noticed that when people want to deal with you, no matter what else is going on, they make time. So if she can't or won't make time for you, that's a red flag.

Also, I'm not judging you, but most of the time when younger women go after older men, or younger men go after older women, they're looking for something. Like money, a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on, whatever. Otherwise, they'd get one of their peers to date, because they have more in common. I'm not saying that's true of all relationships like that, but it's what I've observed. That's why I'm leery of younger men, they usually want a mommy figure, I don't want to play that role.

Sounds like she needs to be disciplined. Next time you see her let her know who her daddy is.

And now we're in Creepy Town....

Well, she said that she likes older men because they are more mature. I don't think that she's after me for money but she is bad at managing her own finances. I'm not bothered about the ten quid and she actually brought food round and cooked for me that day. She told me that she had bought me a gift but she is so absent minded that she forgot to bring it. I did lend her quite an expensive guitar but I wasn't really expecting to get it back and she can keep it.

I've said this much about her, so I may as well tell you that she's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I've been reading up on it and it seems that people like her have a fear of abandonment but also a fear of domination. She wants intimacy but shyes away from it. These people apparently tend to make negative judgments about things that you do or say and she has talked to me about other men that she knows in a very negative way.

The thing is, when we are actually together and talk to each other we get on really well and she will even talk to me about her issues and her feelings. That's good because I was with a woman before who wouldn't really do that and I am looking for someone that will and will listen to me, which she does. That's when we are together though and in the months that I've known her we haven't been together that many times and she won't communicate much with me when we are not. I was just hoping that I could gradually build on that and that she would learn to trust me properly and feel comfortable about the relationship but that would seem to mean having to keep letting her call all of the shots and putting up with her messing me about. I am quite lonely and even though this isn't really working as a relationship, I do enjoy her company and she is very affectionate and she does seem to really like me.

Maybe it's not that she thinks that I'm desperate or wants someone that is because when I've just been relaxed about it and not put any pressure on her she seems alright with that. I mean, she will call me and ask me if I want her to come round and I have just been saying alright and when she goes I haven't been complaining too much that it annoys me that she doesn't want to spend more time with me. It does though and I am getting really fed up with the way that she's been messing me about and letting me down.

I'm trying to look at it as a good experience that I've had because the time that I've spent with her has been good but it's got to the point that it is doing my head in and it's probably just something that's not meant to be and could never work.

It sounds exhausting.....

Can't she take meds for that? I can't remember what it's called, but they have meds that should level her out. Is she being treated by a doctor, or just muddling through on her own?

Well yeah, I did say that the sex has been pretty good.

Yes, she's on medication and has been in and out of hospital for years.