I just got out of a relationship of (3 months) last week. Yes the dating thing! It started out "as it should" Dinner,Dancing,seeing each other on weekends,in 3 weeks it turned intimate(you know sex).Now i've met her 2 children,A boy 23 and girl 20. The lady has a job( full time,40 hours) she is 55 i'm 58 so staying in an age bracket! I open doors,and be a Gentleman as i should be. 4 weeks into this i find out Mommy is supporting her son that never has worked? The daughter is working,makes little money and supporting her boyfriend?Mommy is really supporting them all and has no intention for a real relationship other than having another income(ME) to house,feed,you know the basics for raising"young children"? Then she was fired for oversleeping for a month. Finally got her job back (at the same place) part time and going to college "to better herself"? While we were together i never let her spend a dime of her money for " Us" being the "MAN"during the relationship!! All her money going to the "lazy 3some" and her wanting to borrow more from me to support them and herself plus House them too? Sorry enough is enough!!
QUESTION has anyone ran into this problem,And would you handle it any different than i did? Wasted my Summer!! And in this area and this year 2013 are there any (good people) that want a relationship with ALL THE BELL AND WHISTLES at?What is it at our age,are we just another income and need Viagra because were already Dead from the waist down?"except our wallets or bank account?" At least i didn't meet her on Mingle 2. ? ! Whatever .?!

I no longer ignore any potential red flags ,you should be able to voice any and all concerns, if you cannot communicate effectively, then the relationship is going to die. I have boundaries already in place, it is not wrong to have somethings you absolutely won't tolerate, I want to get to know the person slowly so I can see any warning signs before I am emotionally committed and when it is harder to see the truth. I have made my own set of mistakes and I try to learn from them. Good luck to you!

Keep in mind that if you get into a relationship with someone who has children to learn more sooner about what is going on, emphasizing a desire to keep finances separate. Of course if you do not share the same values (i.e. supporting adult children) it probably won't work out anyway.

I would question why the father was not supporting that woman's kids and steer clear of deadbeat dad stories since it seems to be an issue to you.

I would not expect a man I was dating to support my sons, nor would I expect to help him support his own kids. In a dating situation I think it's best to keep personal finances separate.

If I was dating a man and it became apparent that he wanted me to provide his support (or that for his children - where is their mom??) I would end the relationship also. I have my own family and self to support and really cannot afford to responsibily take on some one else's children.

I would end things as you did, but I probably would do it sooner.

welcome to mingle

As you can read in my post, there was no deadbeat dad to this situation as you imply? The boy 23,the girl 20,the girl's boyfriend 20. These are all deadbeat children, seems like that is more of a trend going on now. At most adults over 20 usually you will expect to have children involved when you meet some for possible dating! But most adults children are over the age of caregiving and at least started working and maby trying to support themselves? I did at a very young age to learn responsibility and still do!! Why is it always in your experience that a dad or mother should continue supporting a healthy children with no physical or mental impediments in adulthood? I supported and raised my daughter as a single parent,No help from a deadbeat Mom? She is responsible,happily married ,and my Grandchildren (girl&boy) 13,&9 now! So what's the problem here?They make it on their own as i did when i was struggling like most do in youth. I also see and meet now the most worthless S.O. B.with a woman that treats his sorry a** good.Or the opposite a good man with a woman that treats him like **** and should have been born with a mattress strapped on her back? Is this the New era for humanity? Like the beast in the field? Maby i need to get back to the Country and just forget this whole internet dating. I've been on here for almost a year now? Guess i need to just enter my bank acct.income or my properties for viewing,and just leave myself out of it?? What the Hell is wrong with this picture?

Dear graywolf,

I don't think your expectations are too high or unreasonable! I can feel your anger for how she is supporting her adult children and that is her decision. I think you got yourself out of that situation in time. It is obviously not for you nor is it something you believe to be right. You are absolutely allowed to have your opinion and thoughts about raising chilcren and supporting them as adults.

I also can feel your anger about being a gentleman to this woman and wasting the whole summer. Imagine if you had wasted a whole year!! You realized this wasn't for you and you walked away! Good for you! Perhaps you have learned to see the signs a wee bit earlier because of this experience. Perhaps she did help you to come out of your shell a bit as well.

You meet people for a reason. Learn from this experience and do what you are doing - move on! Not all women are like her. Don't let the bitterness change who you are! Do not give her that power! We are all different and some of us are actually "good people" - yes, there are a few of us left!

I wish you lots of love, laughter and joy!

Thank you for your comment and i'm not discouraged yet? But it does seem i've stepped on a lot of toes with my post!! Or as that shoe has fit a lot on here!!

Actually I don't think you stepped on any toes at all.

If you re-read the ladies' posts, they were both supportive of your decision to leave that relationship. Their comments shared some of their feelings and possibly what they would do or have done from their past experiences.

Perhaps your perception of stepping on toes is more because this wound for you is still very fresh.
Know that you have done the right thing for you and slowly let it go...

No that's not my meaning. I did read both responses,they were very good. My meaning is that my post must be a TABOO area for so little responses from others.

When you were 20 it was a hell of a lot easier to find a job; when you were 20 I doubt much of any companies scrutinized potential employees nearly as much as now since we're in the "Turrism" phase. When you were 20 gas was probably somewhere in the quarter range with a pop goin' for a nickel or less if you knew where to go, know how much gas was when I was 20? Almost $10. When you were 20 our country was near peak of manufacturing, with a military that could shake the ground it walked on, and an economy that literally blew most of the world into the water.

S*...If I had half the opportunity in this country as you did at equal age, it wouldn't be so hard. Truth is though, it is hard, and for an awful lot of people; your comparisons while maybe well intended, are not too well thought out.

You con go back in age even further, When you were born!! How were you raised? How were you nurtured and taught by your Parents? The only thing my inheritance was was my Father's last name!! I was one of those brought up "OLD SCHOOL"because my Father had rumitoid arthritis and was Crippled where he couldn't work when i was 9 years old!! I watched him cry when i got a job and he could not support his own family as i went to work!! From mowing grass to working on farms to make ends meet!! Social Secure and Walefare paid a family of 6 around $400.00 a month then! I was the youngest and only boy I swore then that this would never happen to my family!! I've been in the military and when i finished my hitch there couldn't find a job,So i pulled nails out of boards for $1.00 an hour!Me and my Wife lived in a slide in camper!! I was working for a friend then. Since then i've had other jobs and my own business i've drove trucks now for over 30 years! Owned homes,land ! The point is i was An Asset to my community instead of another As* that lived there and struggled to Achieve(earn) All i've got,didn't expect to have it given to me!! Everyone on here has had their Scammers on here including me,and i've been married to a few.But i'm still standing!!

You missed my point entirely.

So...Farewell, obviously you are not looking for insight here.

No i got your point on the economy,job skills needed now,what employers expect, Internet application,the whole nine yards on being gainfully employed in todays society!! There is only one thing that "really works"in todays and years before and ahead."You need to be willing to utilise "ALL" options to achieve a goal in life,but first you have to really want it or be made to do it!!Too much technology without a little common sense won't work!! And get the titty out of those adult kids mouth"They whine enough or ***** enough on their own!!"One foot in front of the other works only when you get out of the house!!!

No, you did not get my point...Or you're not clearly understanding it or what it was. The unemployment rate doesn't really add up to what you're saying, what was the unemployment rate when you were 20? 25? 30?

Because it was roughly the same when I was 20, 25, and I'm almost 30...You can go on and on about the problem lying with the parents, or work ethic, or technology...It doesn't really matter because the statistics are independent of your thoughts.

You talk of "Tourism" which also means immigrants working in the United States? You talk of when i was 20 and you weren't a despot on your Dad's britches yet at your age 30+! You can blame the immigrants all you want, Russian,Asian, Mexican,whatever like everyone else does!! They are here for a reason "they work" Most people that are born,raised here are too sustificated to get out of their job preference whatever it is to put food on the table! For instance, I'm a C.D.L.truck driver and 58 years old, my truck breaks down, i have no Money for repairs! Don't you think i won't pick up a shovel,work at a Mc Donald's anything to get rolling again? He** Yes!! I can get my AS* out of bed and back at work before daylight and work till after dark on any job!! I can quit my job right now and be working for another tomorrow or just start another business tomorrow if i wanted!! So don't confuse Tourism with laziness!! I'm not blaming the Parents neither some are doing right, some aren't ! These and You are our future! For Parents or Step Parents to Help is not wrong, this is our Job to do so!! But if your ignorance,stupidity,ego get in the way and You Think you know it all then sorry for Your Luck!! I told my own Daughter years ago"when you turn 18 i am no longer your Dad, But your Best Friend" One she can count on until the day I Die and will always be there for her,but its up to you to make a living from now on!! Now if this is not Your meaning or Excuse,then spell it out plainly please!!

Makes it easy for me, tah.

Thanks for the confrontation, It was amusing!! And Educational??? At least you joined in, and i give you credit for that!! I really do get your meanings in the posts! Thanks again!!

Get a freaking clue and find someone else to play games with

I implied nothing. I was talking about FUTURE relationships. you need to just let it go

No! I missed no points at all! And i do Thank You for your knowledge and opinion on this subject!! And yes i do keep my financial situation to myself even in a relationship!! But i also have learned that sarcasm gets you nowhere! As for relationships i also have learned that none will work without participating. You could know someone all your life and never suspect their opposite side unless you "draw this out yourself"! In a committed relationship i have a Bank account i use for this, that way all other is secure. That is the only way i find out who this Woman really is. In this account i keep a certain amount and add some of my income from my work" enough for monthly bills and expenses. The rest comes out of pocket "Pleasure"ie;dining,dancing,movies,picnicking,etc etc. I don't mind doing this as well as helping with her"gas expenses" if coming to see me. If i need to make time for her without her doing the same for me,then its all one sided anyhow!! I do give you enough "ROPE" to either work with, or hang yourself.As for being polite in a conversation by Thanking you am not trying to be arrogant!! As for the "Past" my attorney handles that with most of my financial ventures! Its all a learning experience and life venture. A smart man or woman learns from theirs but don't dwell on it and use that example for others!! And again i Thank you for participating in my posts!!