I have dated for about 2 years now. I have had no problem getting boyfriends but I nit pick them to death and get rid of them. And those that got too close I found a way to drive away. I finally realized, I am not even close to ready for a real boyfriend. The day in and day out commitment, etc. I am not at a place where I have my schitt together enough to deal with another person's schitt.

I took down all my profiles. I got rid of a local guy who was perfect for me. I am only staying on Mingle for my friends.

I didn't take a breather after my divorce. Is it ever too late to take a breather even when the divorce was three years ago? I am not over the boyfriend I had most of October through March who I was on again off again with. I miss him horribly. We have talked. We are not getting back together and I horribly hurt him. I don't want anybody new. I have my IIFB (Impossible Internet Fantasy Boyfriend) who is keeping me happy for now.

How long do people usually take between relationships? I say I dated two years but it's really three because right after my divorce, I lived with a guy for a year.

It is never too late to take a breather, probably what you need. The time between relationships depend on the intensity of the relationship, imo. After my first marriage it took me seven years...

Hi.you lovely in the world

Perhaps, where you are is where you need to be.

Best to ya, lady!

Took me 4 years.
Then one day I actually..noticed a man,
and I knew I was ready.

Until you are free in your own mind
I would say :-)

I totally understand how you feel Terri

You have to know where your at and what you can handle physically,emotionally, etc for any relationship to work. For me with the way my life is I want to date, It would be nice to have a boyfriend, but I'm not ready to live with someone, and I honestly don't know that I will ever do the Marriage thing again. Just be true to yourself, the rest will fall into place.

One gal I was with took me about 4 years tl get over.

I had a stupid little cassette tape we recorded together.

The first time I listened to it, I cried.
The next time, a couple years later, I felt sad.
The 4th year, it was just a memory with no emotional attachment.
I knew then, I was available.

I still haven't gotten over Princess Leia.

It just took me 12 years to actually notice a man...I mean really NOTICE. If I don't wait until I find myself truly interested in someone, I usually spend most of my date asking myself "Why am I here again?" Which is a disservice to the poor man siting next to me....so anymore I just pass on anything that doesn't REALLY intrigue me.

So true.
Guys would ask me out, I would say 'As I have no real
interest in you, what is the point?'
And they would say 'But I have interest in YOU.'

All well and good, but if I cannot build up a letch
over time, meeting never does it, I have to be way
into them first.

Works for me :-)

And, like you say, tis a disservice to just hang,
with no intentions.

Exactly right. Dating someone who's into you so you'll have roses on Valentine's Day is soooo totally high school dude.

'Breathers' are a bad idea >>>> Leads to thinking.
Thinking is bad

I don't think you'll have to worry about that.

Clever, Poodle

O contraire- breathers and processing are good things. It's just like doing yoga. Taking time to do Shivasna at the end of the session helps you process the mind/body work that you've just done.

Tea- it's never too late. Take the time you need. Heal. Reconnect with yourself. Be good to you. You do not NEED to be part of a pair; you are enough.

I didn't have a girlfriend for five years before I came on here at the end of last year but it was really more that my personal circumstances make it difficult for me to meet new people. I'm not picky but I must admit that I did find myself comparing a girl that I did meet and have a brief love afair with with my ex a bit and I think that's inevitable, however long ago it was.

For me personally though, if the friendship and sexual atraction is there I'll give it a go with someone and I develop feelings for women quite easily, so I'm ready to move on fairly quickly when something doesn't work out as well. I am looking for a longterm relationship but I'm happy enough to take it fairly slowly and I don't want to rush into marriage or living with someone.

I don't have much patience with women that play games or don't know what they want though and now if they tell me that they aren't ready I just leave it and look for someone that is.

How long do people usually take between relationships? I say I dated two years but it's really three because right after my divorce, I lived with a guy for a year.


that's me.. I've come to the same realization about myself.
I have never really had a down time from men, after the ex.

So far, I am getting to know myself and I'm understanding some of my quirks that may bug someone else.

eventually, I will find someone who can handle my quirks and won't try to change them, or me his quirks.


Good Luck to you!

Sounds like to me that you need to stay away from men until you kind of got an idea on even knowing how to deal with yourself. From what your explaining, i think its wrong for you to lead men on....

I haven't dated since my break up but its mostly that I just gave up trying. However thinking back; I would give myself a least a year before I would date again after a break up.