Sorry that you had to experience that.

Here's how I see this. When your husband first earned your trust 15 years ago, he probably deserved it...until he didn't. Therefore, he changed.

So, you're real concern shouldn't be trust but change.

I know that doesn't seem any better...but stay with me.

You have no more control over a husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend changing than you have over where lightening will strike next. The only thing in this world that you control is YOU.

So, not opening yourself to letting another man earn your trust as your husband did back when he deserved it, is no different than staying indoors because you don't know where lightening might strike.

But that's just how I see it.

I think a more practical answer to the question is that people need to be more tuned in and aware of their spouse's feelings.

If you were married for 15 years all the while believing that everything is fine and you are both 'happy' and you suddenly find out that your spouse has not been happy "for a very long time," then I have to say that you probably have not been paying attention or you are not tuned into your spouse's feelings.

This could only mean one of two things. Either your spouse is a an expert at hiding his true feelings or you are so absorbed with yourself or something else that you are not paying attention.

A person that good at hiding his feelings is probably a psychopath or sociopath. If that is not the case, then it is you, not paying attention to the clues.

Say it's the first thing. So, if the spouse were paying better attention and notices her husband is changing and no longer happy with what they have,what would she do about it? She can't just adapt to what he decided he wants now. That can't be healthy.

If you love a person, I mean really love them, you want them to be happy. Right? If you find out that person is not happy, then the next step is to find out why.

Counseling, a heart to heart talk, staying very aware and a little detective work might bring insight into the situation.

You might discover he is gay, having an affair, feeling trapped, feeling overwhelmed with responsibility, hates his job, not getting the kind or amount of sex he needs etc. FIND OUT WHY HE IS NOT HAPPY.

Then, see if there is any way to help him find happiness, but ultimately people are responsible for their own happiness.

If he is not happy being married to you, why would you want to continue to live with him?

At that point, what might make him happy is a divorce. Give it to him. Try to be fair and don't get screwed financially.

That would be my advice.

Sounds like a good plan...if you discover there's something going on.

I have known a couple of men who, after going through some personal changes, decided they no longer wanted the life they had but played the role for a long time because they were concerned for the pain they would cause their wives. One of these men actually felt if he played to role long enough his desire for a different life would go away like a phase. It did not. The shame is that the wives might have liked a change too and they were never given a chance to see if they might want to change WITH their husbands.

We have a life to live. We should follow our heart's passion and be bold and honest. Why would you throw you life away by not doing that. Fear?

There is nothing to fear. Be honest, be bold, follow your passion.

If you are miserable it is your own fault.

Oh i paid attention. He was very good at hiding his feelings. I don't see how i can be wrong about how happy he seemed. Always holding my hand even in the car. Very affectionate even in public. Even others were shocked because they said we seemed happy and would have never thought it. We were stressed out finanacially and i wasn't able to work for a time due to certain things here and there and he said he felt the burden all on his shoulders. I did mention counseling. I didn't see how he could just leave without even trying. No i don't want him here if he don't want to be. I deserve someone who loves and wants me as much as me them. I just really hope he hasn't ruined any chances.

Some men just can't or don't want to handle responsibility and commitment. There are a lot of men who let their wives bare the burden of all the responsibility, and their wives support them, mother them, etc. and the men never do 'grow up.' They don't support their family either. Be thankful he was not a dependent. Some men are just like having another child to take care of and support.

There are no guarantees in life and after this happening you will be aware, curious, suspicious, paranoid. So long as that settles down, doesn't take over and you can learn to open your heart again to people who deserve you...it's then that you will be drawing in your soulmate. Communication is the key. I wish you the best of luck.

Relationships are always a gamble and you never really 100% know someone.

I was in a 8 year relationship and ended up in the hospital. While in, my ex broke it off, told me when I came home that I had a month to get back on my feet and find a place to live.

Life goes on. Disgruntled? Maybe. Given up? Nope :)

grblahblah

When you get MARRIED the vow is in sickness and in health....

...so maybe you were not married. ?

An 8 year 'relationship' is legally a common law marriage, but if you don't take the vows or recognize it as a marriage yourself, and with the State legally, then the "in sickness and in health" vow does not exist.

That woman is not obliged to take care of you or support you.

I can't give you any sympathy because I don't know the details of your situation, how you ended up in the hospital, if you were married, who supported who etc.

Married women, sometimes miss signs that their husband is cheating, when they are very happy in the marriage, with the husband.

Soulmates do not exist.
That's just a fantasy pipe dream.

You can be compatible and find a spark with any number of people anywhere in the world.
Never limit your options to only finding one person in the world.
That never ends well and if it doesn't work out you'll think you're doomed to be alone forever.

If you find a great guy for you than stay with them.
If not, move on.
Plenty of fish that haven't been caught in this ocean of life.

I think a lot of people stay in relationships they are in out of a sense of duty. especially if kids are involved or they simply don't want to hurt their partners, my own personal opinion honesty is always the best policy, if you are no longer in love with your partner it is better to set them frees to find somebody else, we all have had break-ups in our lives sometimes we initiate it sometimes are partners, the very worse thing one person can do to the other person is cheat, cheating is unacceptable period

And no gender has a monopoly on cheating.

So, if all men are untrustworthy because one man cheated on his wife, then all women are untrustworthy because there are women who have cheated on their husbands.

Exactly! That's exactly what i told him. Marriages end. It sucks. But if he wasn't happy he should came to me maybe we could have worked on it. If not then that's that. But he could have left before he let it get to the point where he crossed the line and cheated. Too much.

I don't think anyone here suggested that one gender had a monopoly on cheating. The OP is female and had a bad experience with her husband, so she's approaching it from that POV, that's all.

and if you send it you can just push edit and go back in right away


Lol bitter! WHO ME bitter.

"No sweeping exits or off stage lines, would make me feel bitter,or treat you unkind

No really I was just trying to turn you gay..well your herd of the scared straight tactics that they do for

troubled yourths, ya! right well I do that for woman, such as yourself its could scared gay!serious

Im like the closer pitcher in baseball. But now David has brought forth new evidence that apparently

Woman can now cheat and be deceitful aswell. I guess its not concrete evidence but if I can take your

word a can take his, and besides I've seen him when he's not dressed up in the Alf suite.

So yes someone should be themselves but I was talking latter aswell, like saying "I love you but their

not treating you accordingly, then don't get sucked in to the sweet words.
pony
LOL Hey not a bad idea. forget men all together And yes David women do cheat do unfortunatly.