Hi all..........

Just thought I would post some of my thoughts this morning just to clear my head. I am in a rut it seems. I am a relatively intelligent person, and I think - no, I pretty much know what my problem is, I'm just not sure how to get around it. I thought that maybe some people on here may read this and offer some advice.
You see, I was in a very serious relationship that lasted 6 years and it ended at the end of last December. Now, I have been around the block a time or two, so it's not as if this was my first love or anything, but it was more of an emotional high for me than my 10 year marrige which ended in 1991.
To get to the problem, I think that I was spoiled and now my expectations are too high. What I mean by that is that she was a very beautiful woman in my opinion. About 5'2", 110 lbs, and very good looking. I know that a person should never compare anyone to past lovers, but I can't seem to help it! I have been told that I'm not a bad looking man, so why aren't other women as attractive as her interested in me?
Like I said, I know this is something that is my own fault, I just don't know how to get around it. I believe that in order to find lasting happiness in a relationship, you should never settle for something that is not what you are looking for. How does a person get around something like this? I mean, I really don't enjoy being without a committed relationship. I enjoy the comfort of caring about someone and having them care about me. Well, thanks for letting me vent. I'll try to check back from time to time to see if anyone has offered any advice that may be useful to me. Ciao for now.

Hello...and welcome, that was pretty big, for your third post.

May I ask you, is it possible that although you are comfortable explaining that you understand looks aren't everything, that somehow for you, you are validated by your partner's physical attractiveness?

That perhaps somehow, you are more successful, by having a physically attractive partner?

And as you well know, physical beauty does not guarantee a long lasting, for ever and ever, amen, relationship.

I really can't offer too much advice, we are all different, and require different things in relationships, and are entitled to have our pre-requisites. For me physical attractiveness is as unique as I am, and my tastes in people are different to yours, or the next poster.

Well, the only words of wisdom I can offer is that maybe you're just not ready for another relationship yet. You're still comparing, which you're right is not good and not fair to other women or yourself. You're also not finding other women attractive, which might just indicate that something is telling you, it's not the right time. Maybe give it a little time, don't focus on it, do some things for yourself. Your perspective on things may change in a little while.

Good luck, be well and be happy!

Suz

Welcome to Marriage Anonymous. I never had any doubts what my problems were because she had them all listed and catergorized. Oh ok. That was my first two marriages. Not compare past lovers, hmmm, I could have used that information earlier in life. Hmmm, I can kind of relate with the last part. I feel like I was born married. Oh, yeah once you been married a few times being without a committed relationship is strange. Atleast it was for me for a few years. Single life does get to be a little less strange after a while but it does take time. glad you felt comfortable venting. Don't worry about I vent continually now. I used to be the strong silent type but I have just about turned into a raving bytch here lately. It is the only way I know how to deal with reality in the type of work I am in right now. Don't know if it helps. You might try getting better information from one of the sane people in here.

Well I think that we should stick with what we are looking for.
To be true to ourselves- or we will not be happy...

Goodluck...

well said ms teddy...i was married once 12 years ago never married again ..iam still waiting i relaize from the past i can always have someone in my life to make my life compltete making my life complete is my responbility it not someone elses good luck...

Everyone had some good advise, but the one that sticks out the most is you're not ready, don't settle, live for yourself and get used to it for a while.

You are entitled to have a preference to a certain kind of woman. I know that I am less picky about looks but I don't find it insulting if someone doesn't find me attractive, as long as they aren't rude about it.

I don't pick that up from you and some people could have written what you did & could have come across as shallow. You didn't as far as I'm concerned.

((HILL)) yea I feel like I was born married as well. So this being my first year totally alone was really wierd and has taken me some time to adjust to. You get used to it.

A plus tard mon ami

You'll do fine and when the right person comes along you will know it no matter what she looks like. Just don't judge them on just thier thinness or how tall they are right off the bat, ok?

awwwwww , hello , welcome....
you just haven't found """HER"""......
I agree , it seems like a wasteland out there......
an empty desert ..... but behind one of those dunes...
thees gotta be someone waiting....
I hope at least....

let go of your MOVIE

How could you be comfortable in any relationship when you are not comfortable with yourself.
One has to be a whole before starting to look for another "whole"..
As long as you don't feel comfortable with yourself you can't be comfortable with that other "half".

Hi invisible, my dear.....missed talking to you...how have you been??

I'm just fine, and yourself??

Lif is good...have some sinus headache, I am not in Jersey (as opposed to being on Waikiki beach) but all and all, it is not bad at all

Holy cow. Seems you are blinded by ones beauty. And now a less attractive lady is not good enough for you. What a shame that is. Because beauty can be gone in an instant. The heart, now that is another story.
I am afraid that you have set your sites on a woman that just insn't going to fit your "now criteria".
You said yourself that it is a problem for you now. Don't let it be. It seems just a tad shallow, don't'cha think??
Look on the inside, quit looking like you have eyes. See with your heart. The eyes can be fooled very easy. Deception can cripple you. If it is the heart you want satisfied; then open it up. Let it choose. Wear proverbial blinders.
Good luck to you.
Kat

well, I know about sinus headache, been there just this past week.
But it's only a passing thing.
I don't understand the rest of the post, but then, I'm blonde

good to see you Kat....Hi...

Meaning, I could have been in Hawaii (my favorite destination) but I can't complain...life is good in general

I am recieving some good advice on here. Creationsfire, I am getting used to it. It has been 2 years and three months for me unmarried. To me there seems to be a difference between being unmarried and single. I can remember talking to my mom about it. She said, "You poor dear. How are you going to survive?" She is independent. She told me that I should be independent. With her advice I was able to get rid of the checkbook and cancel the credit cards. I was able to pay the bills when they arrive and forget about making budgets. She helped bail my youngest brother out, too. For the last three months I have been able to make it on my own without having to borrow money from her. It has given me a since of pride. I am starting to feel like a whole person again. It has been over 20 years since I felt that way because I was always married. There was always that half feeling during the marriages. Seems like in the marriages that all we did was react to each other. No wonder my ex mother-in-law kept referring to my ex and me as kids.

I know a lot of single guys in my age range that are still single.
Single for a reason! The want the size 5 bimbo. Beauty is in the eye if the beholder but if you do not take those blinders off you will never find real beauty. I am not a model. I am not ugly. I am also not a size 5. I hear my guy friends’ talk and it seems the real substantial qualities they want in a life long mate are out there in so many NORMAL average amazing women. Take off the cosmo glasses and look at your married couple friends are they victoria secret models? Society has put this unrealistic image in peoples mind. That girl you think is cool and fun but not a perfect 10 but not a dog either. Give her a chance you may be really surprised.

I have started to look for the silver lining instead of the storm clouds. The storm clouds are easy to find. Even though I am still dealing with issues that are over 7 years old and won't go away no matter how hard I try to ignore them I am dealing with them. Sometimes the past just keeps coming up until you deal with them. I am unique so this might not be a problem for others. But strangely enough one problem I had due to be noncommunitive was with her knowing me better than I knew myself. She seemed to know what I was going to say before I said it. My problem was that I was slow and had to think before I said something. She didn't have that problem. She just said whatever was on her mind like it or not. I tried to avoid arguments but she seemed to relish them. I had been taught to be nonverbal growing up because of the way I was raised. One didn't dare backtalk if one wanted keep all of one's teeth. She had came from a normal family where communication was not only permitted but encouraged. It has definately affected my relationships with others. I always had get along with others on my report cards because if i didn't getting along at home was in jeopardy.