I grew up in the mid to late 60's. While the sexual revolution started then it was not in full bloom. The women my age seldom would talk to a guy about sex. One time another guy and I were in conversation with 3 girls from our high school and the other guy mentioned the word "SEX". In unison all three of the girls said "Sex ... Yuck"!!! The way they said it gave me the impression that women don't have much interest in this biological area. As I aged I never would bring the subject up.

you were children then. I imagined that we were talking about adult conversation. I am not referring "uncle pervy" kinds of questions or blantatnly MYOB personal questions....just a conversation about sex. It would be more or less personal depending upon with whom you were speaking.

I do agree tho...that those of us who are not disturbed by discussing sex, we do risk having to deal with the "uncle pervy" types....they think they've finally found someone to talk to....not the case if they are perverts, srsly...and the topic itself does tend to attract those types, unforunately. so I do think it best to keep those types of conversations private with those whom we know at least fairly well...JMHO

I don't see talking about sex when I meet a lady. I want to get to know her as a person, to see if we have things in common. We must remember that sex is important, but getting to know them is more important. The older I get I think and looking for a soulmate, friend, and lover. But most of all commucation. When the time is right, it will come and you'll see it's better now than ever.

Well, I think that in a dating situation you want to bring the topic up if they don't in order to find out how much of a prude you are dealing with.

If your dating someone that is something different but if you just meet someone and start talking sex....I would hit the X and get rid of you real fast. I am not here for your sexual pleasure, I am here for friends so don't try talking sexual to me.
I think a lot of us want to be treated like ladies, I know I do!!!

I think that for me, there's a difference between talking about sex in the abstract -- like discussing one's views on it or even joking around -- and actually, seriously talking about doing it with the person I'm having the discussion with.

There, I corrected it for you.

No, I think "prude" is appropriate. It's entirely possible to have principles and yet also be willing to discuss sex. Trust me on this.

Principles are not a one-size-fits-all thing.

No, "prude" was not appropriate. It was an insult, which is why I responded the way that I did.

Let's get something straight. There is nothing wrong with a single person wanting to wait until marriage before having sex.

I don't criticize sexually-active single people for being sexually active, because they may not share my morality standard.

I find it insulting for someone tho claim that there is something wrong with a single person who chooses to be celibate while single.

Who was it insulting? It was one person's opinion of a hypothetical other person, neither of whom are you.


Agreed. Now let's get something else straight as well: There is also nothing wrong with a single person NOT wanting to wait until marriage before having sex. And waiting until marriage isn't what's under discussion here. Assuming that neither person on this hypothetical date is celibate, assessing how comfortable each other is with talking about sex can tell a lot about how well their attitudes match up. The term 'prude' does not apply exclusively to people who live lives of premarital celibacy, you know (or you should know). In fact, for many of them it doesn't even apply at all.

A bit of personal history may help illustrate this, and I'm willing to be candid: When I was much, much younger, in my late teens, I had every intention of remaining a virgin until I got married. Yet I was completely comfortable with sex as a topic of abstract conversation, provided it was understood that the conversation was, in fact, abstract. Yes, I later changed my mind about waiting and no, I don't regret that fact, but the bottom line here is that I do understand both sides of the coin. Fair enough?


I think it might be a touch more accurate to say that they don't subscribe to the same code you do. I'm actually a highly moral person; it's just that my particular belief system and dare I say faith doesn't hold premarital celibacy as a requirement.


Perhaps I missed a post somewhere, but I honestly don't see where anyone else in this thread brought that up other than you.

Apparently, the word "prude" doesn't mean to you what it means to me.
Where I grew up, the word "prude" is a negative word used to describe someone who waits until marriage before having sex. The word is used by someone who thinks that there is something wrong with waiting until marriage.

I didn't say it was wrong for single adults to be sexually active.
I don't pass judgement on such adults.

On the other hand, I have seen people pass judgement on adults who choose to be celibate while single.

Apparently, it doesn't mean the same thing to both of us. According to Merriam Webster, it means "a person who is excessively or priggishly attentive to propriety or decorum; especially : a woman who shows or affects extreme modesty"

And note that an 'affectation' of modesty is often FALSE modesty. That's the thing about prudery that annoys me most. But no, there's nothing in that dictionary definition that mentions celibacy OR marriage, or even sex.


Well, you DID make a comment regarding whether or not a person is 'principled' thereby implying that you regarded anyone who wasn't dedicated to premarital celibacy as somehow 'UNprincipled'... that certainly borders on being judgmental, at least...but I can overlook it once if that really isn't what you meant to imply.


I imagine there are some people who do judge others regarding that. I, however, am not one of them. People have to do what seems right to them.

Apparently, you and I have a simple misunderstanding.
Still, I believe that the word "prude" was used as a slur.

You can take it any way that you like. Perhaps there is some sort of comunication problem here but I said that, "I think that in a dating situation you want to bring the topic up if they don't in order to find out how much of a prude you are dealing with". I was expressing an opinion about something that I think that you should do in a dating situation in order to form an opinion about someone. Obviously the word "prude" has negative conotations. Well done for at least getting that without putting words into my mouth or reading something into my simple little post that isn't there.

I agree tawt. if it is an important compponent to you, you need someone who won't freak at th suggestion of a convo
a convo is NOT "doing it" for heavens sake

but it makes it possible to enjoy learning about what another enjoys

I was speaking in defense of women when I objected to the use of the word "prude". The word "prude" belittles a woman just as much as the word "slut" does. Neither should be used to describe a woman.

I've heard both used to describe men, and sometimes they really WERE accurate.

People get so uptight about sex. If you don't want to talk about it or have it, don't. If you do, then do. It's really not something to get so uptight over.

The only times that I have seen/heard the word "prude" used, it was used to belittle a person because that person refused to participate in sex outside of marriage.

Again, a person is not a prude because that person refrains from sex outside of marriage. A person is not a slut because that person participates in sex outside of marriage. Both "prude" and "slut" are slurs.

While it is used mostly toward women, I don't think it necessarily has to do with marriage. Just as slut doesn't necessarily have to do with having sex outside of marriage.

Definition of PRUDE
: a person who is excessively or priggishly attentive to propriety or decorum; especially : a woman who shows or affects extreme modesty