100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
| Topic: Should ex's still be friends? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Good or bad idea? Any examples you care to share?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I don't really see any need to be friends with the ex, apart from the courteous 'hello' and perhaps fill an awkward moment with insignificant small talk, followed by a courteous goodbye, because to remain friends would remind me too much of the reason why we broke up....and someone would wind up crying...and it wouldn't be me.
But of course if there's children involved...then yes...it is a good idea to be civil and remain on 'good terms' with the ex. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think if they can still be friends it is a good thing...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I don't really see any need to be friends with the ex, apart from the courteous 'hello' and perhaps fill an awkward moment with insignificant small talk, followed by a courteous goodbye, because to remain friends would remind me too much of the reason why we broke up....and someone would wind up crying...and it wouldn't be me. But of course if there's children involved...then yes...it is a good idea to be civil and remain on 'good terms' with the ex. Yes, I can see that, Kahurangi, remaining friends would remind us too much of why we broke up... exactly... good share... thank you... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think if they can still be friends it is a good thing...
I agree with you too, KiK, I'm still friends with my ex-husband, though I have discovered that my casual relationship with him causes stress for the next man in my life. And, I don't know how to change this. Or should I even try? Is it possible for a man to accept an ex's presence, and go with the flow? Or should I let the ex go to make the next man happy? Not that you have all the answers, but maybe a suggestion or two?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Good or bad idea? Any examples you care to share? Let me say this . . . NO!!!!! Well maybe not that emphatically but you have to understand that exes were never friends from the beginning. Friendly, yeah but friends no. I truly believe that relationships built on true friendships last because you understand that person. You put up with the parts that irritate you because first and foremost you are friends. Being lovers is the least significant part of a relationship. (Ok it is important though so don't get me wrong) but the basis of lasting an eternity is realizing that long after you've lost your sex appeal, you have that beer gut hanging, and you've lost a good bit of hair there's still something there. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I think different choices work for different folks
Because i was good friends with my ex of 25+ years Before we were together And i am still friends with her now as well The men who she sees or dates simply accept that we are friends And the same to any ladies i may see or date as well... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Good or bad idea? Any examples you care to share? Let me say this . . . NO!!!!! Well maybe not that emphatically but you have to understand that exes were never friends from the beginning. Friendly, yeah but friends no. I truly believe that relationships built on true friendships last because you understand that person. You put up with the parts that irritate you because first and foremost you are friends. Being lovers is the least significant part of a relationship. (Ok it is important though so don't get me wrong) but the basis of lasting an eternity is realizing that long after you've lost your sex appeal, you have that beer gut hanging, and you've lost a good bit of hair there's still something there. I'm confused, mig..  My ex from an 18 yr marriage and I get along much better now as just friends... in fact, he's the type you wouldn't want to make an enemy out of... yikes... but, I think you're saying it's not cool to let the ex interfere in a relationship with anyone new?
And I'm soo there with you on the lovers sexual activity. It's awesome during the honeymoon phase, and still inviting over the course of the first ten years. But there eventually comes a time when just sitting together in the same room, talking, watching the same movie for two hours, or working together in the garden that means more than the ten or 15 minutes of physical contact in the bedroom... thanks for sharing... I tend to talk too much... once I get started I don't know when to shut up... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Tue 01/29/13 03:01 AM
|
|
I think different choices work for different folks Because i was good friends with my ex of 25+ years Before we were together And i am still friends with her now as well The men who she sees or dates simply accept that we are friends And the same to any ladies i may see or date as well...
Good for you, KiK, that you and yours are still tight.. cool.. that makes sense too, about different choices... guess it's best just to play it by ear... thanks for your take too...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Being in the early stages of the divorce process, I find myself waffling back and forth between the "I want nothing to do with you" and the "I don't want to lose you as a friend" thing. It's very confusing and very taxing emotionally. I know that there is no hope of reconciliation at this point and I'm completely okay with that. My parents divorced when I was a child and the process was horrifying. Fighting, name calling, anger, bitterness and outright violent. I refuse to go that route. I will swallow my pride and concentrate on what is important. Those three beautiful little people we created together are my only focus. If that means that I take a few punches emotionally from their father, so be it. I will not play the game. I can only hope that at some point in the forseeable future, we can remember why we were friends in the first place and get back to that point. They deserve it. So do I.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Relationships ended in anger are never fruitful for the soul and little is gained from a journey in darkness.
An honest person can't live a lie and be happy, a caring person will not impose their unhappiness upon another, a friend will ask and understand accepting the choices you make..... if this is what you receive from an "ex" then why would you turn from a friend? The Byrds sang a bible text that I have always liked and used... To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven A time to be born, a time to die A time to plant, a time to reap A time to kill, a time to heal A time to laugh, a time to weep To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven A time to build up,a time to break down A time to dance, a time to mourn A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven A time of love, a time of hate A time of war, a time of peace A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven A time to gain, a time to lose A time to rend, a time to sew A time for love, a time for hate A time for peace, I swear it's not too late |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Being in the early stages of the divorce process, I find myself waffling back and forth between the "I want nothing to do with you" and the "I don't want to lose you as a friend" thing. It's very confusing and very taxing emotionally. I know that there is no hope of reconciliation at this point and I'm completely okay with that. My parents divorced when I was a child and the process was horrifying. Fighting, name calling, anger, bitterness and outright violent. I refuse to go that route. I will swallow my pride and concentrate on what is important. Those three beautiful little people we created together are my only focus. If that means that I take a few punches emotionally from their father, so be it. I will not play the game. I can only hope that at some point in the forseeable future, we can remember why we were friends in the first place and get back to that point. They deserve it. So do I. hi shortfire... welcome to the writer's forum... nice to meet you... and I can so relate with the divorce process. Although Tim and I didn't have children to consider, we did have joint property to divide, and sometimes this issue can cause the most aggression. Fortunately, after a few harsh words, very few, he decided to give me what I asked for after I devoted myself completely to his care for more than 18 yrs of my life. And once our divorce papers came in front of the judge for his signature, it took only one hour for its finalization. Everything happened so fast, it still seems like we're married when we see and/or interact with each other almost daily. And I do understand your waffling between friendship or total avoidance... when you've spent half your life with someone it can be a strange feeling not having them around... even if just for friendship because we know each other so well... but like you said, you have 3 children to consider, so I hope that you and your husband will find a way to work out the strong and painful emotions that are involved at this stage, and hopefully it won't be just for the kids sake, but that the two of you will really be able to forgive and forget.. becuz as time goes on and the dramatic aspects are behind you, you'll have cleared heads and calmer emotions to decide how to move forward then. I'm not preaching, I'm speaking as one woman to another... to say that it can get better... but for everything there is its season first... best wishes to you and yours...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Relationships ended in anger are never fruitful for the soul and little is gained from a journey in darkness. An honest person can't live a lie and be happy, a caring person will not impose their unhappiness upon another, a friend will ask and understand accepting the choices you make..... if this is what you receive from an "ex" then why would you turn from a friend? The Byrds sang a bible text that I have always liked and used... To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven A time to be born, a time to die A time to plant, a time to reap A time to kill, a time to heal A time to laugh, a time to weep To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven A time to build up,a time to break down A time to dance, a time to mourn A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven A time of love, a time of hate A time of war, a time of peace A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven A time to gain, a time to lose A time to rend, a time to sew A time for love, a time for hate A time for peace, I swear it's not too late fascinating, Soul... I replied to shortfire's post before reading yours, so it tickled me to see that you and I have a similar outlook about seasons...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thank you so much. Your words give me some hope and a little faith that this process won't kill me, but it may make me stronger.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Being in the early stages of the divorce process, I find myself waffling back and forth between the "I want nothing to do with you" and the "I don't want to lose you as a friend" thing. It's very confusing and very taxing emotionally. I know that there is no hope of reconciliation at this point and I'm completely okay with that. My parents divorced when I was a child and the process was horrifying. Fighting, name calling, anger, bitterness and outright violent. I refuse to go that route. I will swallow my pride and concentrate on what is important. Those three beautiful little people we created together are my only focus. If that means that I take a few punches emotionally from their father, so be it. I will not play the game. I can only hope that at some point in the forseeable future, we can remember why we were friends in the first place and get back to that point. They deserve it. So do I. Hi Shortfire, welcome to MIngle ...Great profile! I love your post!...It is positive, strong!...I think going through what you are going through with this kind of clarity is amazing!...Your determination to rise above the drama, put you kids first, speaks volumes about you!...This is a pivotal time for you and your children and how you handle it will leave a lasting impression on your babies...By remaining strong in the face of adversity you provide a sense of security that they so desperately need right now...Your courage and your attitude are admirable!...Take care of you!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thank you so much. Your words give me some hope and a little faith that this process won't kill me, but it may make me stronger. The process is really between you and your husband. Our lawyers tried to pit us against each other, to start a serious fight, so they could earn their fees, but we saw thru their attempts to completely destroy what friendship we had left, and Tim and I came up with our own settlement agreement, just having the papers drawn up the way we agreed. So, it is most important that the two of you remain friends... but again.. it's your battle... fight it wisely...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
