I decided, "Hey you know what? I'm going to give my friends here on JSH an extra taste of my work". Enjoy!

Chapter 2: The Fat-Free Chapter!

(I have a theory I have been working on. Basically it is summed up by stating that 9 out of 10 ideas are moronic. This is especially true for ideas that eventually become religions in this great big universe of ours. Now I’m hardly a spiritual person, I figure if I can’t prove it exists, it can’t effect my life in any way that I should care about. There are plenty of other people who love to believe in such things, however, not that I mind as long as they keep their nose out of my business. I am often amused by some of the minor faiths, like the “Fellowship Of Elvis”, who believe that all the secrets of the universe are hidden within the songs of the universes greatest performer, Elvis Costello. This croup was almost crushed when Elvis disappeared for a long time and most everyone thought he was dead, turns out he got stranded on Earth during his last tour, which is what I would call a fate worse than death. Anyway, since it’s apparently so easy, I decided I’d try to make my own religion. It’s a faith based on the idea that all the happiness and comfort in the universe can be achieved through science and technology. I think I’ll call my religion “Scientology”.) Scientology, really? (Yeah, why?) Hey, it’s your religion.

Akrin reached the galley and approaching the local chain of the “Burger Empire” franchise, where a tall figure wrapped in polished black metal and an overly dramatic black outfit complete, with long flowing cape was seemingly choking an employee to death with his mind. The blue-skinned teen worker soon collapsed on the ground. In a deep voice, the black, almost robotic figure spoke over a mechanical respirator and said, “Apology accepted, crewman Needa.” Akrin watched this with a look of curiosity mixed together with just a hint of apathy as the Figure turned to Akrin as if nothing happened. “Welcome to Burger Empire what is thy bidding…master?”

“I’m looking for The “Dark Fry-Lord of The Shift”…” Akrin answered, slightly flabbergasted after seeing a big black robot guy choke another guy with nothing. “…Roddy sent me.”

“Then you have found him”, The figure replied. “I am Darft Vapor.”

“Darft Vapor?” Akrin tied his best not to laugh and anger the scary mechanical manager and perhaps only solution to his slug problem. “Well then, Darft… I was told you could take care of my Barvillium slug problem.”

“Don’t underestimate the power of the…”

“Yeah yeah, just get to work, bucket-head!”

“50 Bux, Rigellian.”

“You’re charging me?…Fine, you can have 100 Bux if you shut up and hurry.”

Akrin handed over a thin sheet of metal which was swiped through a machine on the restaurant’s counter, extracting 100 Bux from Akrin’s account. The card was handed back over and Lord Vapor lifted a gloved hand, pointing it at Akrin’s stomach while making a choking motion. Akrin stared in the direction of the writhing inside him as it moved higher as Vapor lifted up his arm more. Soon Akrin was forced to open his mouth while something was forcing it’s way up his throat, a look of surprise on his face even as the thing was revealed to be the Barvillium slug, which thanks to Vapor’s actions, had been choked to death as well.

(Are you sure you want to have that bit in here? It’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.) It’s a parody, isn’t it? (That’s for the courts to decide!)

In any case, Akrin eventually left lord Vapor’s company, met back up with Amy and returned to the “Rekra”. Akrin found the locks to his ship were unlocked, pulled a small handheld device from his white coat, and investigated. The device looked remarkably like a banana wrapped in tin-foil then covered in a couple shiny and superfluous buttons. It didn’t take a lot of time or effort to find Brendan and confront him.

(Ah yes, I remember tracking down that jerk mucking about my ship. Let’s see, what as the first thing I said to him? Oh yeah it was “What the hell are you doing on my ship?!” )

“What the hell are you doing on my ship?!” Akrin yelled at Brendan upon finding Brendan. (See?)

“I’m totally sorry, dude!” Brendan attempted to explain apologetically. “It’s just such an amazing ship…”

“No I mean literally, what are you doing on my ship?”

“Looking around?”

“Right, well the tours over…out! Quickly now before…”

Amy turned the corner, stepping into the same hallway while saying, “I heard shouting, did you find…” Amy trailed off a little bit as she noticed Brendan, seemingly finding him to be a welcome sight after having to be around Akrin for so long. (Hey!) Brendan’s hair had since grown out into a decent longer shape. Brendan was not wearing his old outfit anymore, but rather the light blue jumpsuit uniform of a starship mechanic. “…the intruder?”

“…Too late”, Akrin finished his statement with a slightly depressed tone.

“Whoa dude, who’s the fox?” Brendan asked referring to Amy in cheesy 80’s slang.

“Oh, that’s the captain of the ship, Akrin”, Amy replied, being oblivious to what Brendan was going for. “My name is Amy.”

“I’m Brendan”, Brendan replied.

“Down to business, is there anything wrong with the ship I should know about, or do you just need to GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SHIP?!” Akrin yelled at Brendan, not really wanting to involve more people in his everyday life than he had to.

“Are you sure we couldn’t use a mechanic?” Amy asked calmly trying cool the situation down.

“I designed and built this whole ship myself with technology I invented myself and never shared with anyone, no half-wit wrench-jockey could even hope to understand it”, Akrin replied. “Besides, this is my home, and I have the right to say who I want in it.”

“It uses brand new tech?!” Brendan exclaimed excitedly. “Wicked, I’ve got to see this!”

“Whoa no no no kid, forget it!” Akrin objected harshly.

“We have plenty of room, captain. If you don’t let him come with us, I could always inform the authorities about how much you are actually paying me”, Amy chimed in smugly.

“Hey, you already used that trick to get a window room!” Akrin complained.

“It’s still an applicable threat.”

“Fine! Better than paying you.” Akrin looked bitterly at Brendan. “I suppose you want a tour now, eh Pinky?”

“Um…”, Brendan replied, “…my name is Brendan.”

“I want to call you Pinky”, Akrin commented, “my house, my rules. Now come on, I‘ll show you around, I guess.” (I’m gonna go out for a bit, you want anything?) No thanks…

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the universe a white-furred bipedal “humanoid” rodent adorned in black leather and metal sits at a bar in some pub half way across the galaxy from the “Rekra”. The rat-like being stares into his drink, laughing to himself a bit as he places his hand in his pocket to feel a small disk-like device, his latest acquisition. His long pink hairless tail tapped the floor beneath him as he imagines what he could do with his new prize. Suddenly a muscular, dangerous-looking individual, practically swimming in weapons, walked into bar, his reptilian eyes fixed on the rat. The heavily armed man was a large lizard-like creature, who flitted his tongue as he approached his target.

“Cortez!” The lizard screamed. “The boss wants a word with you.”

“First off Clintwood, it’s Mr. Arzazi to an overstuffed handbag like you”, Cortez, the Rat said turning on his stool to look at the arsenal wielding lizard. “Secondly, if your boss has a problem with me, your boss can see me in person. Finally, you can tell your boss that she agreed to trade the map for a drive regulator, but she failed to mention in the deal that it had to be a WORKING drive regulator.”

“I’m going to enjoy skinning you alive, vermin”, Clintwood said with a smirk as he pulled a knife from his coat, which was practically made of weapons.

“Vermin? Well, despite you being very rude, I don’t see you killing me today for one important reason…” Cortez stood and pointed at something behind Clintwood with a surprised look of shock on his face. “…Look, a distraction!”

“I bet it’s not even a good distraction…” Clintwood scoffed, slowly turning around to look at what Cortez was trying to trick him into turning around to see and allow Cortez to get away…which allowed Cortez to get away. Cortez ducked into an alleyway several city blocks away from the bar to collect his thoughts a bit. Despite the high-tech “oooos” and “ahhhhs” of the pretty standard “futuristic” metropolis, the alleyway is as dark, filthy, and disgusting as any regular “21st century” New York alleyway. Cortez took a moment to relax before pulling the small disk-like device out of his pocket to look at.

“Interesting…” Cortez thought out loud. “If she is on my tail already, this map must be more than just a star chart. I better get this back the ship…now where did I park the damn thing?” Cortez stared at the allay a bit, something about it seeming familiar. “Oh yeah…right here, that’s convenient!” The ship, as Cortez called it, was either cleverly disguised as a gigantic pile of scrap metal, or was cleverly made out of a gigantic pile of scrap metal. As Cortex pressed a hidden button amongst the scrap and opened the ship‘s “loading ramp“, it became clear that the latter was correct instead of the former. The inside of the ship was also a “metal-shop masterpiece”, but instead of simple scrap metal, Cortez had crafted the interior out of old out of date machinery, particularly computer parts. He walked over to a large control panel, constructed from several obsolete models, including row of keys from an “old-timey” Earth typewriter, which he acquired somehow. He hit a few buttons, pulled a lever or two, and the large computer screen above the controls “blipped” on.

“Now to see what’s so great about this thingy”, Cortez again thought out loud as he pressed the disk into a slot, seemingly made for it. In moments a star chart popped onto the large screen before Cortez.
His deep pink eyes stared at the image in wonder and disbelief. “T…this is impossible! That’s just a legend…isn’t it?” Cortez almost started drooling as he thought of the possibilities. “Whoa-ho-ho, baby! All that treasure could be mine, I’d be living on easy street at last! …Folgera Valdezica, it’s real!” Cortez hit a few more buttons on his odd control panel and his ship, “The Inferior”, took off into the depths of space.

(Ok, I’m back and I brought snacks!) Really, like what? (What do you care? You don’t get any, you’re busy narrating!) You know how much of a jerk you are being right now? (Probably… Don’t you have a story to tell?) …Fine, I hate you…

Back at the “Rekra” Akrin was in the middle of the tour of his ship, Brendan actually paying attention, fascinated by the systems of the ship. “…And that’s why I had to counterbalance the repression coils”, Akrin explained as the two walked down one of the large hallways of The “Rekra”. Akrin was so immersed in talking about his ship that he didn’t notice the door to his personal room was wide open and as the walked something in there caught Brendan’s attention. It was a large painted portrait of a Rigellian, like Akrin, but adolescent and female. She was sitting in a small field of flowers, draped in a sky blue dress meant for children like her. Akrin finally noticed he wasn’t being followed and looked back to Brendan as the human pointed back into Akrin’s room.

“What’s this?” Brendan asked to a slightly panicked Akrin. “It looks like a little-girl…you.”

“That…that’s Rekra, the girl this ship is named after”, Akrin answered almost nervous to do so at first. “She was a bit of a childhood crush of mine.”

“Really, what happened?”

“Mind your own business, Pinky! Now get going, there’s more of the ship to see!” As Brendan started to walk away and down the hall, Akrin took a long look at the portrait and a an expression of sorrow on his face, he closed the door to his room and rejoined Brendan to continue the tour.

is too long a reason

sorry joshy

just had to say it

not doing it tho

Sorry Adj...You lost me. Are you saying this chapter was two long or something?

too^ (stupid typos)

Nice, thanks.

i was just picking on a fellow worthless nut

and i did not vote to delete

but i did just vote to keep

pass

i really hope you're not published, i think i should sue you because i just wasted about 2 minutes of my life that i can never get back, not to mention if you're going to make fun of a "minor" religion do you even know what scientology is?

not to mention yes this is in the wrong section first of all general discussion is not a place to post your writing, try the poetry/ blah/ blah /blah section or this can go into religious forums but not in general...

STOP IT ADJ4U, do we need to have a private talk?

everything is general (technically) then splits from there


and plz refrain from things that could lead to banning or suspension

we do not want to lose anyone

First off, I don't believe "Wasting peoples time" is a suable action, I'll have to look into that...

Second I Know what Scientology is, but I didn't make fun of it at all. All I wrote was Akrin was thinking of calling his that because he never heard of the real Scientology, it was supposed to be funny, and well I think considering the name "Scientology", a religion worshiping the wonders of technology makes more sense for that particular name... oh well, I kinda saw ruffling a few people's feathers coming for that JOKE!

stop what sazzy

plz inform me

...Also, it took only 2 minutes to read that? Egad, your fast!

joshy you got mail

Do I? I didn't get any yet.

no one is saying anything that would get them banned.. i said it wasted my time that is how i feel just as if i typed up a little story and you spent 2 minutes on it, it would ..waste your time... please grow up how about that and how about you not get banned for calling someone worthless if you want to try to censure someone try starting with yourself hypocrite.

yes joshy i am the fastest in the South... hmm... that's not to hard to be though

my remark did not mention anyone in particular

and i was not trying create a problem

and if you look closer it says

fellow worthless nut

the state tree for ohio is the buckeye

and the nut from the buckeye tree is worthless

and those from ohio are often called worthless nuts

and personal attacks are a bannable /suspendable offense

of which i did not do

i made a general comment

saying don't want to lose anyone

maybe that was a bit premature (not)

I wasn't trying to censor anyone, you are just confusing me now...

I was trying to handle this as calmly and maturely as I could, I explained myself to the best of my ability. I really don't have anything else to say on the subject, you didn't like it and thought it wasted you time, ok then. You apparently found Akrin's comments about Scientology offensive, ok good, he's a bit abrasive and I was kinda going for that kind of personality.

I don't know, maybe if you wrote up a little story, it might not waste my time. Oh well, don't want to argue, I just don't fully get the negativity.

Oh...you were talking to Adj... nevermind

that was an attack on me joshy

not a big deal to me