I spent a few years going with my gut on the how soon to have sex thing. And then I attended a meetup group on sex and intimacy. There were 40 or so men there, all different ethnicities and ages. 95% of them said that FIVE DATES without sex was the norm (this was two years ago) if they saw the woman as someone they wanted a relationship with. If they just saw the woman as someone they were attracted to but didn't want a relationship with, then the first date was fine. I wait til the third date for the most part. If we get to the third date it means I like him enough to figure it out. I had a third date guy recently. He contacted me the next day and I haven't heard from him since. He smoked and didn't tell me he smoked until the third date and it's a deal breaker for me mostly. So, I'm not concerned about him not contacting me again. If you wait too long you can end up in a relationship with someone who has really different needs and interests sexually and it can be disappointing. Having sex on a first date for the most part usually means it's ok if it's just sex. Male or female.