I realize that this ain't gonna be a hit with everyone...but, it don't mean I am wrong...

When my Dad married my (step) Mom...we brought in my sister.

She told me (decades later)..she knew she was a Krupa the day Dad took her aside...read a relevant chapter from the Bible (to calm down)...then whipped her @$$ with the same belt that he whipped me and my brother with.

People can say anything they want about not using physical discipline...and that is fine...to each thier own.

But, when the cops come knocking at the door at 2 a.m. and the best line you got is..."I haven't tried everything and it just isn't working"...

It will be lame...but, we are talking about a ship that has sailed.

At your kids age....the damage is done. If she don't respect or fear you at this point...she never will.

Just give her love and support...and DON'T bail her out of jail.

You post her bail....you are screwed and got no one else to blame.

Don't get me wrong...I ain't saying it will happen...I am just saying I never met a teen that didn't get the cops knocking on the door.

Once again...I know this ain't gonna be popular....

Why the hell would you negotiate with a child?

What are they putting on the table?

You lay down the rules. Someone gotta be the adult and a 13 year old got no experience to dictate anything to a full grown adult mother.

I know..she has feelings and you want to nurture her independance and individual freedom. That is great! Let her be free and independant when she is working 50-60 hours a week and supporting herself. When she is paying for a roof, for the bills, for food on her table, for the clothes on her back...THEN you nurture that freedom.

Till then, it is just a kid with no concept of discipline and a huge concept of entitlement.

Believe me...me, my brother and sister all had our fair share of @$$ whippings.... We turned out to be pretty good people.

Discipline without love is abuse.
Love without discipline is neglect.

you sure you arent from my own family...

I think you got winning philosophies about child rearing,,,,

Uhhhhh...is your Dad's name Kirby Krupa?

If so...you are my hot sister and I should probably feel bad about my impure thoughts.

This line from my Dad will stick with me forever and I apply it to everyone I know...

"You will do what I say because you love me or you fear me....but, you WILL do what I say."

That attitude works.

Negotiating was never an option.

Krupa, you have no idea how far this wild child has come for the better. One year ago. I had to become as hard as steel. She was in extreme rebellion. At 12 she was sneaking out, doing drugs, drinking & was in trouble with the police. I sorted it!!

Baby.....she got caught.

That is the only difference between her and me.

Caught? She also was taught to be a leader not a follower lol.

Not with my children, but definitely with my step son. Looking back (he's 19 now) I would have picked my battles with him more carefully. But, honestly, I think his behavioral issues stemmed from his mother abandoning him and I am not sure there was really any way to fix that.

My darling just wanted to do her own thing, with no boundaries. She wanted all experiences 'now'. But she learnt that actions have consequences. She has learned alot. Role modelling does not always work as there are some children that are fearless.

Honey..we were all invincible till the schitt hits the fan.

Fearless works until you gotta post bail.

I'm curious...did you listen to the voice of authority when you were that age?

I am sorry but she is 13 years old. YOU tell her what to do and if she does not do it, you put your foot down. Who is older and wiser? YOU are so use your head and tell her how it is. IF she does not want to follow your rules, tell her to leave and go stay with her other parent.
I honestly don't get how parents can not make their child mind? YOU JUST DO IT, IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT...TO BAD!! THEY ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO BUT YOU KNOW WHATS BEST!!
I have raised 2 boys, 24 and soon to be 18. My 24 year old is gone and making his own life...I have gave him all the tools to be a good citizen and a role model to his children. All you can do is give them the right direction to go and they pick their own way in life...thank goodness my son picked the right way.
My youngest son will be a senior and will graduate mid-term and then is off to college. He is a good boy, I have never had a problem with him at all. I would say he is a mama's boy and he has done nothing but help me with my health issues. Some lucky lady will get him and have to go through me to see IF she is good enough for him..haha!!!
IF you can not control your 13 year old at this age, what is it going to be like at 16? GET TOUGH AND GET HER ON A PROGRAM AND MAKE HER KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE BOSS...NOT HER!!!!

Excuse me, it is obvious I am the boss. When you have a strong willed child they fight for control from the moment they are born. Unless you have experienced an ODD child you will never understand.

That is why I couldn't help, I never experienced an ODD child.

I thank my lucky stars!

Oldhippie at least you know that & dont pretend to be a genius when it comes to children. I have done an amazing job with her. Many parents would have given up especially when the headmaster tells you she is the most rebellious child he has ever met

This thread disturbs me somewhat...

You ask for advice in regard to your wayward 13yr old daughter, and when it is offered, as in the response from unsure, you suddenly become all defensive and snarky with her for her suggestion???

ODD wild child??...i like her already!

Out of curiousity...again. What were your methods on teaching her leadership if i may ask?

Asking for skills here. And yes she is amazing. Parental bad day when feeling overwhelmed started this thread. I get judged alot because people automatically think I must be a hopeless parent for my child to be the way she is. Yes I get defensive.

I don't see anybody judging except yourself "shrugs"

You do the best you can as a parent and hope that what you've taught them is enough to get them through lifes lessons. Listening to your child instead of waiting to answer them with what you think they should do helps alot...and for goodness sake, stop being so hard on yourself. Chillax a little and have fun with her :-)

I was a rough child to put it mildly. I didn't get along with my mom's boyfriend at all, I did whatever I wanted to a point. We didn't have cell phones as a kid so we communicated different ways. I would leave her a note, or call from school, the problem was that my mom had to check everything I told her to be sure i was doing just that.

Worst punishment I ever received was 2 weeks of watching soap operas with her, since my bedroom was an entertainment playground. Most of the traditional punishments didn't work with me. Forget time-outs lol I was 13, time outs were not gonna happen. Those stopped by the time I was 6. We did discuss actions and consequences.

The biggest change in my behavior came from an unexpected source...the look of disappointment on my mom's face when I got arrested. I changed almost overnight. Started behaving better, stopped lying about stuff, made sure she knew everything, and stopped hanging out with kids that were a bad influence on me.