I did a 'no no' and asked too many questions...

I am very inquisitive with my boyfriends passed. Now before anyone says anything i know that the passed is the passed which doesn't or shouldn't have anything to do with the future but i can't help but do that 'girl thing' and get upset over things i shouldn't. My boyfriend was hard to read at first he didn't even say the L word until much later in the relationship...when he would go on trips or whatever he wouldn't really call as much as i am used to. I say "used to" because i was in one other serious relationship prior to him and there was a certain standard or..not really standard but...idk. I guess i thought all relationships should be that way. Anyway.. He wouldn't call everyday and when i called him even if it was late he would act as though i had to have a reason to call...other than just missing him. I mean i could be wrong but last time i checked if your in a relationship then you don't have to play those stupid hard to get games? Anyway long story short i asked him some questions about a previous relationship and i obviously got answers that upset me..... I can't help but wonder why it took him so long to tell me he loved me and not her....or why he feels he has to be distant with me because he thought he was too clingy with her.... just stuff like that.

Once again..i don't want to seem like a ***** but before you comment on this if you even do please read everything that i have said before saying something... obviously this topic hasn't put me in the best of moods along with a long day at the college so...yea. Like said...i realize that i shouldn't let the passed determine my mood or even bother me but...it does.

Honestly, I just got out of a friendship that I was trying to make into a relationship and the female I was talking to was exactly the same way. Sometimes we wouldn't talk at all for a few days on in, other times we would talk all the time. My problem is the last relationship I was in, (over 9 years) we would talk all the time. There was that unspoken standard.

She always seemed to get annoyed when I would at least send a good morning or good afternoon text just to see how her day was going.

For me, the signs were out there that I was being used, but I was too thick headed and too dumb to pay any heed to those signs. I do pray that this is not the situation in your case.

Also, I believe there is never too many questions, but one must also understand, if you dig deep enough, you WILL find a skeleton or something you don't want to find out. I never really minded when my ex asked me a bunch of questions, but I always warned her, if she digs deep enough for crap, she is going to find more than she bargained for.

EDIT: Please do not get me wrong, that skeleton may not be cheating or any other thing like that, but everyone has a bad past, I have yet to meet someone who doesn't. That was all I meant by finding something buried that you do not wish to find out. :)

I don't know if that is the case or not... I'm not really sure what to think about it.

I understand what you mean about the skeleton.. I tried to remind myself that i was the one asking the questions and wanted to know..so i shouldn't be too upset by the answers i got but i am. It still leaves me wondering why...

That right there is my own downfall. The more you allow your mind to wander and wonder, the more it will eat you up from the inside. Honestly, my method shoots me in the foot more often than not, but I live my life to simply be straight forward and ask the question than to allow myself to let my mind destroy me on the inside.

Also, I saw the post the other day about the party, sorry to hear that, you would have had another guest if I was your neighbor, B rated movies are the business!

Thanks

Anytime :)

Like I said, there is never a problem with asking too many questions, just understand some guys don't like questions because they simply don't like being asked too many questions, some guys don't like questions because they are hiding something.

I personally don't know ol boy so I cannot make the honest judgement on which of the two it is for your case, but either way, he is going to have to move halfway to make things work with you on this issue if he has not already.

Maybe it's not the past that is bothering you, but that it took so long for him to open up to you like that.

"but i can't help but do that 'girl thing' and get upset over things i shouldn't."



Straight up? Step back and get a grip eh!

If you get upset at the answers you got... chances are, you won't get ANY replies next time something like this comes up.

I avoid (at all cost) discussions about my past relationships. Exactly because of negative reactions I've gotten. Things that shouldn't have upset her... Did! And no matter what was discussed, it always reverted back to how it applied to "our relation".

It's counter-productive and only intensifies negative emotions IMO

Especially when all your discussions begin with "There was this moose...."

I know i know... But don't you think that your passed relationships has something to do with the way that you are and handle things now? (no sarcasm honest question) He said that same exact thing though... He doesn't want to answer questions cause he doesn't want me to get upset or angry.... I try not to but i guess i'm just not good at controlling my emotions.

Yes i admit that bothers me too.....

Have i told you your a dork lately?

Yep, just a few days ago

Sounds like you two have some things to talk about. Hopefully it can be dealt with and make you two stronger, rather than tearing you apart.

From what you have shared, I can understand why it would bother you, it does seem like something that is affecting your relationship with him now, and may become a problem in the future, if not dealt with.

But, try not to over analyze it or worry too much about it. Sounds like it would be better to take the past as a tool to help you better understand what's going on with him now.

Sometimes, the truth hurts.... The end!


And yes, it's totally relevant to the way he's handling things now. I guess you're asking these questions out of frustration of how things are in YOUR RELATION? Tell me you're not trying to piece the puzzle together by asking said questions?


And Yes, I agree, Torgo is a MAJOR dork

I know... I guess i just shouldn't "dig" so to speak. Its hard not to though...

If there's an issue and they're not communicating, how else are you supposed to at least make an effort at trying to resolve it?

Revisiting and dwelling on the past is no way forward... Keep it at the "here & now" would be my advice... If things aren't understood by all in the present then what's the use in murking up the waters from the past? What I mean, is that often, it's based on recollection and memories? highly inaccurate IMO.

What is accurate is MissB4ya expressing to Joe Blo what's going on right now and how it makes her feel when he does this or that, and if he's interested, how to avoid making her feel this way.

Communication can lead to progress... it can also lead to shutting open communication down.