their friends and family get kicked to the curb. When I was married, my x didn't want me to go anywhere without him.
I couldn't go out with my friends or family without an argument.
Why are people so insecure?

That is an obsession and in a lot of cases, is a sign leading to domestic abuse. Or can lead to it.
Jealousy over the type of relationship you have with your family is another reason.
It is hard to tell.
I know that an ex husband of mine, didn't want me to have a job, go anywhere that wasn't with him or his family, didn't like me having friends. He was very abusive and didn't want anyone to know. He hid it very well.

I had the same problem. I have always had a lot of female friends, and my ex-wife was fine with that (or pretended to be) when I first met her. As time went on, she got more and more possessive, and didn't want me hanging out with anyone other than her. It got so bad, I actually had to take her to work with me.

It got so extreme, I started taking her to her mother's house and leaving her over there on weekends just so I could spend some time with other people or play hockey or whatever, without her constant whining and interference!

It was on those weekend visits to her mother's house that she started taking drugs, ao that gave me all I needed to end that relationship....

Sorry to hear that silk. My x would tell me I'm not marriage material, just because I wanted to go out twice a year with the girls or my sister.

My late hubsand was a control freak..........said we needed no one but each other, and the kids..........that taught me that as long as you trust each other, and make sure that your other half knows that he/she is the world to you........then things will be okay.

but if they start to ignore you, and shut off the communicaton lines than a problem is there.


A good healthy relationship between two people is better with friends in your lives.........you both need to still be individuals while at the same time grow together

so it all boils down to trust, respect, and communication

Omg, Lex she definately had a dependency problem in more ways than one. We really have to make sure the people we choose are complete with or without us. I mean you want someone to know they can count on you because you love them, but you don't want them to exist for you. Know what I mean?

I had about the same problen with the one that i was with, and she's still about the same way, and i guess she like's people to be with her and to see her, but to live with her, that's the hard part with her.

I think for any relationship to work, you both need outside interests and friends too. It allows you both to blow off steam now and then, get out, and pick up some new interests. It doesn't mean that you are gonna cheat on each other. It should be to help strengthen your relationship.
I dated this guy, he went to a strip club and didn't tell me. He thought I was gonna be mad. He apologized for hours over it.
I looked him in the eye and asked a couple questions. 1) Who did you come home to? 2) Did you fool around with any of them?
He said me and no. I told him not to worry about it. As long as he came home to me, I didn't care, but if he messed around it would be a different story. His ex wife had messed around and if he was ever late getting home, she jumped him accusing him of having a girlfriend.
Obsessive people will go to any extremes, if you are uncomfortable with the situation, try discussing it and if that doesn't work, then it might be time to end it.

it's just the way some people are. the relationship is new and fun and interesting. they think that friends and family will always be there for them. it happens to me all the time when some of my friends get a "new" boyfriend

Angel -- Yeah, she seemed so sane and normal before we got married, and I guess I really blinded myself to the red flags that did occasionally pop up.

I did learn a lot, though. I try to look at these things as learning experiences (albeit sometimes very painful!) -- and that experience has really helped me understand what I DON'T want, and sometimes that's almost as good as understanding what you do want....

And I really don't see myself ever getting married again, although there was one I met since then who could have caused a change in policy -- so I won't say "never"....

Lex, I have been married three times. Each time, I swore never ever again, lol, yet I did it again.
Now, I am at the point, that if the situation presents itself, the relationship is good, then maybe, but I am not looking to get married again any time soon.
Like I told a friend, been there done that, bought the t-shirt and burned it!

i had a ex bf as where we were together for 3yrs he was verbale abusive as it was do to his step dad. he even thought i need counseling do to my actions and the only reason i was acting that way was because it was him and my mom and my friends saw that it wasent good and i went to counseling to please him and the counselor saw it. well i finally broke up with him 3 or 4times. i loved the guy but i knew he wasent going to change..well i cant really talk to him any more only in the spirit world as he pass away on thanksgiving of last yr... he had a very warm loving heart and soul. it was just that he didnt see the verbal abusive part.

Thats a good question. When my ex would want to go visit her mother it never bothered me. I never called her to check up on her. I figured if I couldn't trust her away from me then I must really have a problem. The only thing that bothered me was when she wanted me to go with her. I could never quite figure that out.

Silk, I'm always the first to go around preaching that it's unfair to stereotype people, because everyone is a separate and distinct individual and should be regarded as such. But I have found myself stereotyping the concept of marriage the same way, and I try to watch that, because marriage, per se, as a concept, is neither good nor bad, in and of itself -- it's all about what the people involved do with it.

Having said that, I will confess to a bit of a bias, because I have seen so few good marriages and so many bad ones....

Awh Queene, I'm so sorry

My ex was an extremely violent alcoholic and he isolated me from my family and all my friends, even to the point of disabling my car so that I couldn't go anywhere while he was out drinking. The guy was controlling and did insane things to keep me under his thumb, and then accused me of cheating anyways, all the while he was doing the cheating.

I learned a lot from him, about what I don't ever want in a relationship. Like Lex, I decided I would never get married again. Trust is really hard after it has been stomped into the ground so bad. I guess like Lex I will never say never, but have learned a lot over the years about what I will and will not put up with from a partner and what I am looking for now in my life. I am a lot older and a whole lot smarter than I was then.

Insecurity is a hard one, hopefully the person will grow out of it with time, but I have known people that don't either and it just gets worse as time goes on.

Because of the marriages, I have learned what I want and what I don't want in a relationship. Everyone has bad things about them, but some are just worse than others. I know the signs to look for now. I went through counseling, I got past a lot of it. I am more cautious.
Basically, all I can say is, be cautious, if there are signs that there is a major problem, try to work it out or end it. There is good and bad in every person and relationship, just have to keep your eyes open.

Marie, what I learned from my marriage was that, the more I overlooked it and let her get away with it, the more she would ratchet it up to the next level.

It started with her complaining (loudly and often) about my associating with a girl named Lisa who made it clear that she was interested in me. Well, I could understand that one, to some extent.

But then it escalated to where she didn't want me to hang out with two very close and very long-time friends, both of whom were female, but who were like sisters to me. There had never been any romantic involvement there, nor would there ever be, but she did not like me spending time with them.

Then she complained when I would do something with my brother.

Then she didn't like me leaving her at home when I went to work. At that time, I had a job that allowed me to take people with, if I felt like it, and she basically demanded I do that.

It got worse and worse -- I realize now, I could have "nipped it in the bud" had I been at all realistic about what was happening....

i took out insurance on all my "inlaws", theres only one left.!!!! lol

That is just terrible, lol