What have you told (or are you going to tell) your kids about when
the time is right to begin having sex?

When did you (or ar you going to) begin the discussions?

when she starts puberty or when she asks, whichever comes first

I will tell her that babies are created when a man and woman do certain things and I Will explain what those things are and how they function,, I will also explain such an undertaking is a big responsbility that is best in a commitment

I will explain the other potential outcomes of sex (disease,physical damage) as well as explain how it makes people feel bonded to each other sometimes and how sometimes people use it to create that bond,,,


whatever I leave out, hopefully biology class will cover,,,

In my household, talk about sex started at a very young age....Safty matters were discussed and taught...Proper and improper behavior was taught....Open dialogue about having sex began when she was 11 and started asking questions....

Hi Everyone and thanks for the replies!

I probably still have a couple of years yet to get my speech ready
thank goodness!



But I was really wondering if you tell them that they should abstain
until marriage, or that it is natural to have sex before marriage,
and if so, then how long they should wait and under what circumstances
it might be alright to consider a sexual relationship.

So my question question really was aimed at:

"When do you say it is OK to have sex?"

This question was inspired by a discussion of differing expectations
regarding sex by posters in another thread.

I told both my son's that in the perfect world it would be great if they would remain virgins until they were married. I told them that I do know that when they date sometimes I know things get out of hand and to remember one thing...IF A GIRL IS GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX WITH, SHE IS GOOD ENOUGH TO BE THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD. So before you even think about having sex with that girl...look at her and think to yourself, can I spend the next 50 years with her? If you can't, then don't have sex!!!
My first son did not listen to me but he was a senior...my second son is going to be a senior and so far, he has listened and he said today he wants NO kids ever!!!

I told my son when he was 13, but my daughter I had to tell when she was 11. Hated ruining their innocense.

I warned my son about getting a girl pg (If they are good enough for sex they will be your wife) and about "safe" sex. I also told him if he got caught he might go to jail for child rape...if he was as much as 2 years older. It seemed to have an effect on him as he said he abstained.

Telling my daughter was harsh, but she got the same message.

In todays world I think telling our kids to abstain is similar to howling at the moon...Kids have access to all sorts of information and, more often than not, know as much as they "think" they need to know about having sex by the time they hit puberty.....Then there is peer pressure...Talking to them about the emotional impact of having indiscriminate sex is tough....Not saying it does not have to be done, just saying it must be delivered in a way that makes your child want to listen.....I don't think you can effectively give or deny them permission to have sex, you can only lead by example...Instilling core values and moral fortitude is a processs that begins in the formative years and continues until your child is emancipated...Aside from loving them unconditionally, helping them build self esteem and self respect, teaching them respect for others, giving them a clear understanding about taking responsibility for their actions, and educating them about the dangers of having unprotected sex or sex without commitment is all you can do.....

My daughter started asking questions, due to friends discussing it with her at school. I have had to teach her what is normal and what is not. There is so much wierd stuff her friends discuss. I am teaching abstinance myself. Her school has not taught it.

I explain that sex is natures way of creating life. If they are ready and interested in creating life and they have a committed partner, its 'ok' to have sex.

If they have a spouse at some point, it is also 'ok' to have sex as an expression of their bond as one.

If they are ever pressured or desirous of sex just to fulfill the flesh, they have to be aware of the potential risks, and consequences,, both physical and emotional, and some of the ways to protect against the worst of it with condoms (pills dont prevent disease). I have a girl, I will hopefully be able to teach her to value herself enough to know a guy that wont protect her with a condom doesnt deserve to have her sharing herself with him.

I will also warn her that, despite the most common mainstream ramblings,, sex will 99 percent of the time cause EMOTIONS to develop and to be mature enough before going there to handle the possibility those emotions wont be mutual.

My opinion~ No sex before marraige. My reasons are 1. My christian faith. 2. I think, like most countries in the world, virginity is a gift you give to your spouse. 3. I think sex is a spirtual, emotional and sacred act between a couple who have made vows.

I agree with this. My fear is that with marriage dwindling in meaning, the focus will/should be more on a 'commitment' than a formal document.

Mission Impossible.

it really depends upon the home

there are MANY who abstain,, they just arent as advertised (no pun intended) As those who are putting out,,,

There are some who abstain...It does not necessarily depend on the home...Good kids come from bad homes, bad kids come from good homes.....

I Believe those are exceptions

my belief is solid homes produce solid kids,, balanced homes produce balanced kids


I also believe there are far fewer 'balanced' homes than there once was,,,

Thats nice....You see children as nothing more than a product of their enviornment?...Bad behavior = bad parenting?...Good parents don't have toxic children?...

Like it or not, believe it or not, parents have limited power to influence their children....

Just curious, what do you consider a "balanced" home?

USUALLY,,,

children in their developmental stages learn mostly from observing and COPYING their surroundings, until they are of an age where they can better understand boundaries and rules and consequences

IF boundaries and rules and consequences are a 'balance' of the things being reinforced at home

there are the exceptions where children are exposed to things OUTSIDE their home, possibly without the intention or knowledge of their families, that can overrule what they have at home if what they have at home hasnt become a strong enough part of their personal foundation


I consider a balanced home one that has a 'balance' of the things children need, and its not easy to achieve, as opposed to 'too much' of some things and 'not enough' of others

children need a balance of

quality time
support and encouragement
discipline and boundaries
responsibility and privilege
consequence and reward
good examples
and communication,,,

as well as the physical needs for healthy diet, rest, and exercise,,,

How about single parent homes verses two parent homes?

I abstain because I want to give myself to only my partner. So I agree deeply with #3. The other 2 reasons you have to guess how I feel!

I think single parent homes can have a balance if there is the male and female modeling in the home (grandparents, extended family,,,uncle and aunt,,etc,,,)

otherwise, I think its a gamble where we must OVERcompensate for that imbalance