I hear from guys a lot that they're not only looking for someone to have a relationship with, but they want them to be their best friend, too. I'm guessing women do the same. To those who are also looking for their best friend, what happens to the best friends you already have? Do the people you're dating turn into your best friend and replace the one you currently have? Or, do all these people looking for best friends not actually have one already?

This always seems confusing to me.

The way you put it sounds confusing to me too!

Don't confuse the hippie!

Well, I'm hoping someone who is looking for their best friend can explain!

KISS (Keep It Simple Sweet)

IDK, I'm not looking for a friend. I'm looking for a lover.

Well thats confusing to me as well ,but the peeps should say that there looking for there best friend/lover for life in a reltionship n not to replace the ones you already have...!

I've had the same best friend for a long time. So, when I am dating someone, they're not turning into my best friend and replacing someone.

Well, I can tell you what happened to me.. I do not think it´s going to help much...but here it goes..
I used to have a best friend, someone who was lke a sister to me, but then we just stopped seeing each other... and NOT because I had a boyfriend at the time,( it was because i got tired of calling her to get together and do things together and she never called me back)So we distanced from each other, in a way I lost that best friend

Before losing my best friend, I became friends with my boyfriend, we both did (the situation kind of helped too, cause we were almost all alone, with no friends, so we became best friends)

Friendship is something I look for in a relationship, i don´t know about the rest, but being able to trust someone is an important part in a relationship, and I think that if I can´t trust the one I love completely, then it´s not worth it...

sorry if this didn´t help much :(

Maybe they just mean they are looking for someone who they can share things with-good and bad=like they do with their best friends and at the same time feel the passion for each other as lovers do. The term best friend is being used loosely. It should read close friend for most of us already have that "best friend" that cannot be replaced. For some who don't have that relationship with another then maybe they are being quite literal and want the person they meet to be everything to them. For me, no guy would ever replace my best girlfriend because she knows me so well and understands the female way of thinking. Also she can be straight with me and tell me I am being an *** or I am totally wrong and I respect her opinion. It would take awhile for me to feel that way with someone I am dating.

No need to apologize! I'm just looking for different view points, as I don't see romantic relationships and friendship relationships in the same way. I don't consider someone I'm dating to be the same as someone I'm friends with. It's a different kind of relationship to me. So, I'm just trying to understand how other people see it. :)

I think Delilady explained it faaar netter that I did. I agree with her

In my case, i didn´t replace my best friend with my boyfriend, it just happened that way... I couldn´t replace my friendship with my best girlfriend with anyboby. In fact, I ended my relationship with that boyfriend and spent time with no friends at all. Then, this girl friend and I tried to solve our issies but couldn´t...

so, it clearly depends on the situation the person is going through, as Delilady just said

I have male best friends, that are and most likely will stay best of friends, and I have female friends,
but any female I am with has the chance to become my best female friend, potentially and share in a closer relationship.

So a lover and friend gets much more time than the others in daily activities and thought...without the other friendships changing much in general

I feel the same about no guy ever replacing my actual best friend.

Really I was just looking for someone to explain how they feel about the situation if they're one of those people looking for their "best friend." Maybe they are people who don't currently have a best friend. Or, maybe they're doing as you said above and actually just meaning a close friend.

I often give that answer when men ask me what I am looking for, someone who could be my best friend, and lover,confidante,etc. next. I'm not sure I can explain this very well,but I'm going to try. To me, the next relationship I get into,I want it to be my last. Saying I want someone who could be my best friend, is a level of comfortability in that I could tell the anything and that friendship would be a strength in the relationship.I have a female best friend, and I always will, but having a partner with that same strong friendship is important to me in having a healthy/strong relationship that's solid and not just based on one specific attraction.

So you have different best friends for each sex? Interesting.

I've never told a guy I'm looking for my best friend in addition to a lover. I guess it's because I see a best friend and someone I'm in a romantic relationship with as two different things. But, I guess I can see why people would try and combine the two.

about your best friend were you the only one trying to stay best friends? or did she try at all? did she just let you go?

I was having a hard tie explaining, and with the hope I'm not contradicting myself, a best friend and a lover are two different things, but I think it's good to be able to become on the level of best friends first,then have a sexual relationship. At one place I worked, there was an elderly woman who's husband had been in the same room with her. They had been married for over 60 years, and he passed away maybe a year ago now. I got into a conversation with her one day, and she told me that she had a few female best friends, but her husband had been her best friend in a whole different way, on a level that she had never had with anyone else,because he had been her best friend and then her lover for many years. She told me,that what she missed more then anything,with him being gone,was friendship/companionship they had.

For me, that "best friend" level would take a long time to get to. And by the time a guy got there, he'd probably be in the friend zone, since we spent so long just being friends. If someone is ok with taking the chance that may happen in order to get to that "best friend" level, they should go for it.

Yes, I suppose. I have groups of male and female friends, but they all have their strengths and weaknesses. Activity and thought wise. They each bring something different to my life in many ways. So I enjoy that variety. Who is actually best? That depends on the situation. None are the only and supreme best friend.

But want a close female friend, lover I can share all with. Close in thought, interests and physical, then giving them that "supreme" status, if that makes any sense.

I guess because I've always had several male friends that I have never thought about separating my groups of friends into male and female. They're all friends, rather than "male friends" and "female friends."