Topic: Dark Dreams | |
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Edited by
dmanjo
on
Fri 05/11/12 09:28 AM
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A sad life it’s all trite
Search keen knife glean Jailed soul first scene Lights up open dream Darkness fills a tragic mind Where trying only kills the time Repetition as a course of action A time a line no more distraction A lifetime’s trials to find a line Where happiness and love combine Acceptance calming brand new truth Lightning split trees all rotten roots Family trees long time disease A soul wants lost a soul wants seas Sharpened axe smooth hardwood handle Chop a V then light a candle A soul found trapped in nothingness Despite its love despite its gifts A soul that withers and soon dies Within those fears that wet the eyes And fear combines to find the line Where life’s relief is just a dime Crisp white papers black ink sign Material things to leave behind A sad life it’s all trite Search keen knife glean Freed soul end scene Fade light close dream |
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I enjoyed this. I hope you don't mind... in my thoughts I changed the second line to the fourth verse: A soul wants, what the eyes can't see.
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Edited by
dmanjo
on
Fri 05/11/12 06:25 PM
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don't mind at all, although meaning is open to interpretation.
It fits very well depending on how you interpret the verse. in the first case the soul is escaping the family trees with disease so its looking to be lost at sea. I have to admmit i find it difficult expaining meainng in my poems since they are mostly biographical and filled with hidden meaning. I have one that has been read many times and no has yet to find the hidden lines in it. Please excuse me now, in hoping you don't mind since this came to me as soon as i read your line. A soul wants, what the eyes can't see To sooth it in those times of need A soul wants, what the eyes can see By contradicting want for need |
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You turned a simple line into a wonderful poem. Not everyone can do that
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A pleasure to read, thank you
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