We have discussed this before and people say they are willing to date a disabled person, yet how many people on here have and do? I mean if you do speak up. I am currently seeing someone with MS. I wouldn't call him a boyfriend just yet but we have a good time. Obviously this guy is not out there lifting heavy boxes for me, etc. He is around because I beyond enjoy his company and intellect and we have a great time together. I am so used to disabled persons because of my history with them. I barely noticed stares. I always find "the work around" in every situation. I laugh when something goes wrong rather than cry or get upset. My disabled friends say I am rare. They guy I currently see says he is just amazed at how "cool I am with everything". I do hold elevators or doors so they do not shut on him but at the same time I let him be a man and if he wants to carry something or whatever. I let him do it. And I do not rush over to help him unless he says he wants help. I find a lot of people talk the talk but do not walk the walk.

Terri .. I never really thought about it. I work around them constantly however, I have never thought of them any different. I have never dated one or do I know if I would.
People are people to me, so, I suppose it wouldn't make a difference if my heart was in the right place.

I think we can only get involved with those we are around, and we are more likely to get involved with those we are most often around

its why MOST people arent dating a different race
and MOST height/age appropriate people arent dating 'little people'
and MOST fifty year olds arent dating teenagers,,,etc...

I think we also will match up by common interests and experiences, and I think the experience of someone without legs, for instance, would be different enough from my own to make me somewhat uncomfortable out the gate and to cause quite a big gap in how we both viewed the world or were able to come together to experience the world

not that it would be or should be an absolute chance killer, but its just not as much of a chance as with someone of a similar background or life experience,,,,

First off 50 year olds dating teenagers is illegal.

Secondly, I do date outside my ethnicity (we are all the same race - the human race) and I have dated a guy a full one foot and 2 inches taller than me. I think that view is extremely closed minded.

And how boring life must be if someone only dates someone similar to them. How much you are missing out out by not dating people different from yourself with different experiences, etc. How much you would not learn by doing that. If that was the case, I would still be eating Mc Donald's and such and never been to the Asian Market and experienced all those foods or more recently Persian food which is to die for, etc. I would not know about different religions. I mean who wants to date a clone of themselves.

technically 18 and 19 year olds are of legal age to consent to a relationship with a fifty year old, and it happens, but MOST of the time it doesnt

I understand you and others date outside their ethnicity, so do I , but my point was that MOST dont

life doesnt have to be any more boring with someone similar than it is by ourself, if we are engaged in pursuing our interests,, it doesnt have to be boring at all

there are ways to experience and learn different t hings without 'dating' anyone,,,,,


I wouldnt want to date someone EXACTLY like me, but I would want us to have similar values and experiences to bond over and build upon,,,

we all have disabilities they just don't always show on the outside

I used to work in a well known university disabilities services Dept adn you are right to let him do the things he chooses without rushing in to help

enjoy your friendship - a wonderful thing to have!

I'm 5'3" and i wouldn't date a woman that was 5' 10'

I myself think it's GREAT! You need not worry about what others think because Most people are arrogant and only do things that make them look good! Most people do not have the heart that you seem to have & as long as your comfortable with this relationship then that should be all that matters! A good person or match in a relationship is not always easy to find!!

I think most people would think it was great for people to be 'willing' to date a disabled person.

I just dont think those who havent or dont should be looked down upon for it as most people look for things in common with those they 'date' and are LESS LIKELY to date someone who is disabled.

That doesnt mean they never would, because they havent or dont, it just means they have not yet been around or met the disabled person they felt enough of a connection with to 'date'.

T, Im so glad you brought this subject up, Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou. I have been so reluctant to even say anything and also been in denial. I was diagnosed with MS last year, told I probably had it for years and wasnt aware of it. Been so afraid to say anything for a number of reasons, No.1 being that it tends to make me less datable and appear to be a bad catch. Feel like I already have some strikes against me, the biggest being my age. With MS also I wanted to know how people felt and delt with such things. I still function quite well, Im a Magician and did a great magic show today. I cant lug and pull my equipment around like I used to, but Im still a great guy, even if I do say so myself. Please comment on this, thankyou.
Uriel

We all have strikes against us. Some are visible; some are not.
I will say, if one is already in a relationship with a non-disabled person, hopefully the one who loves you will hang in there with you if something happened to alter that status. Afterall, it could be you who becomes disabled or maimed. But I've also seen long marriages end over disabilities. Makes me sad.
Will I go out of my way to date someone disabled? No. That's a whole other bag of worms. SOME have chips on their shoulders. SOME folks feel compelled to date disabled folks looking for that martyr merit badge.
If I become interested in someone disabled and he in I, then we'd look at it!

If you two are comfortable with the relationship then it doesn't matter what anyone says or thinks. It's your heart? I would have no problem being in a relationship with someone who was disabled.

One would never know that I have had a total knee replacement .....& bones taken from my hands ...... bones also fused together in my thumbs..... I still hike daily & lift weights but, people don't understand why I have Disability plates on my Jeep ...... I am always in much pain only I could give a crap........I'm going to live my life best as I can weightlifting & hiking gives me a high .....

I've dated women with "disabilities", the reason it didn't work is because they allowed their condition to hinder our relationship. But, if they didn't push me away, I would have never found my love, so I'm good with how things turned out. :)

She has a major point.

I really don't need anyone who wants their crown because they think they have "accepted someting". Take the crap to therapy and work it out for yourself .

People are People First ! And then way down the list, if they have a difference that is commonly lumped under the lable called a disability , than the so called "normal people" so the heck what.

Yea some people have major attitiude but sorry that is not going to be my problem either. I get some flack but i hav told many a person that was so called disabled to get a grip.

I really don't think anyone makes it to the grave with out some form of disability unless they die young and suddenly. Ageing is enevitable and sure is not for sissys.

We all are going to have the cards we are delt to deal with. Doesn't hurt to share if you know how to make the road easier but doesn't have to become a cvocation. The less drama we make out of it the better. because if you are really accepting a person you don't try to bust their chops the times they don't fit the perfect Prince(ess) mold.

Debbie,


So many women ASSUME that because the guy they are with his healthy NOW, he will always be healthy. If you are around athletes long enough, you know how many of them blow out knees, ankles, hips, etc. and end up handicapped/disabled in some way. I worked for a company with a bicycle racing team. One of the greatest racers in the world. had an unknown heart defect and collapsed. He was a newly wed and she left him when he became sick. He recovered and went back to racing but he never got over being abandoned by that b*tch. Anyone who assumes because they start out with a healthy person that they will always be that way is ignorant. You better have thing as I say "you can't take away in a car crash" such as a good system of communication, a sense of humor, etc. to fall back. Even just as we age, things are not as good as they were when we were young. Breasts are not as perky. Guys hair migrates off their heads down their backs and to their butts. You had better have more things in common with a person than their "Physical being" or as I call it "the vessel that carries around the persoon I care about".

As I said the body is just the vessel that carries you around. As long as it's good enough to sustain your life force, I'm happy. The guy I am seeing is amazing. We have tons in common and nothing in common. We are often like Seinfeld. Conversations about nothing and everything at the same time.

I have been around disabled guys my whole life so I know things like don't rush over to help them unless they ask for help. They will ask if they need it. Though old habits die hard and I do hold doors so they don't get slammed in them.

No one stays physically healthy forever. Nobody. And as my one friends says "We are all terminal as human beings". We all die.

To me the MS is not such a big deal. It's not contagious. It's not terminal. He has good and bad days. He has adapted and it's him whose going through it, not me. Who am I to feel sorry for him when he doesn't feel sorry for him. And I surely do not feel sorry for me. If anything when I see him struggle, it makes me more thankful for the health I do have.

And I will tell you another thing I have found, when a person has the physical taken away from them, they often develop what they have left to a superior level such as intellect. Some of THE most interesting people are trapped in bodies that do not always cooperate.

I have my friends I call "brilliants and amazings" because they are in some way incredible. Many many of them have physical shells that hold them that are not in the greatest shape but it does not make them any less brilliant or amazing.

Whoa Time out!
If the signiificant person in your life has a "didability" then you have it too. Maybe you don't have all the symptoms or the same feelings at the same time but you better be willing to live with it and deal with it on an honest level of you are living with and elephant in the house you are trying to pretend that isn't there which does NO ONE no favors.

When you are a partner you are yoked to the whole person mot just the parts you want to recognize.

And that part about other parts of the person being better is bullcrap. If you have some function of your body impaired you don't magically get some bonus in another function. You use what you got to get by. Most people are lazy and use the function that is easiest to over come whatever they are trying to do and if it is brute force and that is no longer possible you use your brain and persuasion to get help but you don't become a genious. Yesh let Superman be mortal please!

Good for you debbie!!! I have had 2 surgerys on my knee( including a replacement), on my foot which now has a metal plate, my wrist and my lower back , fusion and metal brace inside my back.. I am now in the gym trying to rebuild my leg muscles so I can get back to doing what I like to do...and I am soon to be 70...It's better to keep busy than sitting around doing nothing even if you do have pain...

Yes, I am glad to hear that!I got OSTEOARTHRITIS at the age of 39. Had 5 surgeries on my hands 3 on the right 2 on the left Anyway I still boxed for 2 yrs & since 2006 I have been HIKING...never realized how great it felt to exercise or the changes it did to my health & body overall Sometimes I am in so much pain I feel like i'm 90.....My Dr. gives me all the pain pills I want but, only because she knows how active I am.... been loosing weight since the knee replacement the more the better. With bad knees it's better to weigh less. Getting gel shots in my left knee..... All of my Dr's can't believe the muscle tone I have everywhere! Neither can the guys!!! lol