I have been talking with a gentleman I met on another dating site for
some time. He definitely had sparked my interest. In the beginning, I
enjoyed our email conversations very much. I even thought that perhaps
we might meet; however, I have begun to have serious doubts about this
individual and validity of anything he has told me (or not told me) thus
far. His story about himself, what he does and where he lives changed
from what he had said in the beginning. I had let that slide as I know
that some people don't want to be upfront about their personal
information. We have continued to communicate, but he is not at all
forthcoming about anything. At one point we did discuss meeting and
that was some time ago and it has not come to pass. He had been calling
me quite frequently and we would talk about all sorts of things, but
there were times when I would say something completley innocent that
seemed to anger him. Like when he would ask me questions and I gave an
honest answer that he didn't like. He even hung up on me a couple of
times. Needless to say the phone calls have stopped but he continues to
email me, telling me he doesn't want to loose contact and that he is
interested in getting to "know" me. He tells me in the email how much
he thinks he cares for me and so on, but when I try to ask him questions
about anything that pertains to who he is and what he does, that info is
still not forthcoming. This has been going on since the end of
August, and I basically don't know anything more about him then I did
then. There doesn't to be any signs of him making a "real" effort in
getting to know me let alone meet me.

My question is do I continue dialogue with this man through email? How
can you possibly get to know someone that way? At some point don't you
have to have conversations in "real" time and work towards arranging a
meeting between the two of you? How long should you play "footsie" with
someone on the internet without there being any concrete developement of
the relationship? Also in light of our past phone conversations, and
the fact I thought it was terribly rude for him to hang up just because
I was honest about something was sort of a red flag that there may be
something seriouisly wrong with this man??

J

If he hung up on you J drop him..WILL

That's what I initially thought Will, but he would always find a way to
butter me up through emails and I let it go.

J

Anyone who will hang up on you..Will hang you out to dry..It shows lack
of respect..WILL

Jane that is about the biggest RED FLAG I can say anyone can give you
drop all contact NOW there is something not right here BAD VIBES do not
talk to him do not e-mail him again. If a person can not be honest when
you ask a question then they are hiding alot of things and one could be
a wife. So I do hope for your sake you close all contact with this
person.

Hi girl, Well yu need to test him. You guys been talking for a while
now. Go on a date and from there u could tell if he is lying or not.

well don't just let it go this time. you don't need that kind of
treatment expecialy from some guy. cause your better than that and if i
were you i'd bite the bullet before it bites me. if you want a nice guy
look up millsdd he's having it rough and is think on giveing up on love
cause it hurts to much. so give him a chance instead of this guy who
just hung up on you. and emails are just words on a comuter. jade

Chica re-read the guy she says is showing anger towards things she says
when she is being honest and he does not like what she says. That is not
a good sign.

Txsgal, my thoughts exactly, he's been a smooth operator from the get
go. I shouldn't second guess myself but that's a bad habit of mine at
times. I wanted to be sure I wasn't over reacting or reading something
into things that weren't there.

Will, I agree...It should a real lack of respect.


Chica, he won't discuss meeting anymore...

I feel that he truly might be a "loose" cannon...but as I a said, he's
also been a very "smooth operator"

I have planned to discontinue contact, but wanted some input and another
opinion before I did.

J

hi Jane, Sound like he is playing games or has something to hide why
cant he be honost about what he does or who he is sounds like a bunch of
crap to me. Be careful.

If you have bad vibes about him its not good. Then let him go. And keep
on searching

I am a very stong willed woman, so just to let you know, he was "told"
about the phone incidents...but something isn't right and I get that
"bad vibe" feeling too...I was planning on sending him a real "verbal
spanking" this afternoon with his send off along with a definate "screw
you" attached. I was looking for reinforcement...Thanks guys!


J

I didn't have to read all the message you put down to figure out that
this is a wast of your time. If someone you are interested in after
sometime does not answer some of your question as long as they are not
to personal. That usually means they have something to hide. And if you
are an open minded person this should not be a problem. I don't know how
long you guys have been talking. But, I do know if someone is telling me
they care for me in the sense of a relationship and I don't really know
them. Then that is a BIG RED FLAG. I wouldn't have to think to hard what
to do.

I agree Shadow, it's just that sometimes we read or don't read into
things when we communicate through email so things aren't always crystal
clear at times. He lives only a couple hours away (so he says) so if
he really wanted to meet me we would have done so already. In reality,
it's probably a good thing we haven't. Sometimes, I can be way too
trusting.

J

Hey J.

It sounds like you want to hold on to what ever this guy throws at you.
I'd say, move on gal. He sounds like a real winner ( Looser). I don't
know how many guys you have in contact with, and even if you don't have
any other prospects, but don't lower yourself by trying to make excuses
for this guy.

Ghostrecon

Your doing the right thing. Take your time because if he thinks your
worth it. Then hill wait and be understanding. And this way you can see
how thing will really play out. :)

Does sort of sound that way doesn't it Recon? He's a jerk...it's just
that it didn't start out that way and I saw something in him that was
appealing to me.

J

Well Jane this is one time I will say I give all the credit to the guys
in here listen to them and listen to them good.

Hi, let me see if I have this right
1. He gets mad when you ask questions he doesn't want to answer. I
believe most of use would politly say "I not sure I know you well
enoungh yet to fully answer that question yet I am comfortable to give
you this much.... and as my comfort level continues to grow ask me feel
free to ask again.
2. During phone calls he hangs up on you? When he asks you the
questions and YOU gave an HONEST answer that he didn't like.
I think I gave hanging up on people in 7th or 8th grade. And while I
sometimes do guess upset with an honest answer, yet I would temper that
with the fact you trust me enough to give an honest answer
3.....

I don't really need to go on.
These are the early warning bells and whisles to an abusive
relationship.
Several good "abuse checklists" you might want to look at.
http://groups.msn.com/DOMESTICVIOLENCEABUSE/yourwebpage33.msnw
http://www.med.umich.edu/abusehurts/checklist.htm
http://www.web-street.com/thingsarelookinup/Abuse/test.shtml

RUN my dear lady - RUN - RUN - and rejoice you discovered it now -vs-
later.

I wouldn't bother with the "screw you" stuff - why take yourself to his
level?

Those things crossed my mind as well Slowpacer. One of the questions he
asked me and got angry over was did I like younger men. He asked the
question, then he got mad when I was honest and said yes!

Thanks to all of you for letting me share this, and for all the
reinforcement.

J