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| Topic: "Just a Story" | |
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Edited by
Sin_and_Sorrow
on
Sun 02/12/12 03:18 PM
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I wrote this poem.
For a friend.. ..that just lost his mother. I'm supposed to read it at her funeral. So, I really would appreciate honest opinions. Thanks. --------------------------------------- "Just a Story" This is just a story It begins like every other The embrace of love Sense of being whole When all life makes sense And rainbows gain their glory All found within another’s eyes This may be just a story But it’s one we both know well Especially you Because you wrote the beginning This is just a story You know how it began But don’t you cry anymore There’s no reasons left to worry I’ve known you only to be strong Single yet powerful Dominant in independence I tried to be strong like you I, too, wanted to be fearless But it was through weakness And tasting humility That I became such Life is like walking on hot coals It may seem impossible But life is just another word for pain But such can be conquered Just one step at a time This is just a story But one you’ve helped me write So often I found myself On the brink of giving up It was then you showed me love As you cradled me in your arms If I really wanted to learn how to ride I must stand each time I fall You say I’ve made you proud As am I, just to be your son So, don’t worry anymore And don’t you dare cry, mama You’ve helped me create this story One that you helped begin As one more chapter Reaches it close Remember that I love you But don’t shed tears for me You made me stronger Redefining a purpose This is just a story The story of our lives Now find your place of peace As you walk alongside the angels Don’t worry about this story The one that you began I can handle it from here and I’ll see you at its ending (c) Copyright - 2012 Midnight Reveries Studios All Rights Reserved |
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It's supposed to be from his perspective right? You might want to have him read it, but it really is beautiful and exceptionally touching.
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It's supposed to be from his perspective right? You might want to have him read it, but it really is beautiful and exceptionally touching. Yeah. ..but I'm reading it. So, you like it then..? |
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I mean have him read it, before you read it at the funeral.
Yes, it's very heartfelt. |
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I know, baby.
I plan to. Just getting outside opinions before I show him. |
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I know, baby. I plan to. Just getting outside opinions before I show him. I think it's hard to say much without having known the person it's wrote about. I think the first draft is perfect though. |
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Very nice write.
It's good to go as it is. |
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Very beautiful and very touching.
It did bring tears to my eyes. A wonderful tribute for his mother. 
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I wrote this poem. For a friend.. ..that just lost his mother. I'm supposed to read it at her funeral. So, I really would appreciate honest opinions. Thanks. --------------------------------------- "Just a Story" This is just a story It begins like every other The embrace of love Sense of being whole When all life makes sense And rainbows gain their glory All found within another’s eyes This may be just a story But it’s one we both know well Especially you Because you wrote the beginning This is just a story You know how it began But don’t you cry anymore There’s no reasons left to worry I’ve known you only to be strong Single yet powerful Dominant in independence I tried to be strong like you I, too, wanted to be fearless But it was through weakness And tasting humility That I became such Life is like walking on hot coals It may seem impossible But life is just another word for pain But such can be conquered Just one step at a time This is just a story But one you’ve helped me write So often I found myself On the brink of giving up It was then you showed me love As you cradled me in your arms If I really wanted to learn how to ride I must stand each time I fall You say I’ve made you proud As am I, just to be your son So, don’t worry anymore And don’t you dare cry, mama You’ve helped me create this story One that you helped begin As one more chapter Reaches it close Remember that I love you But don’t shed tears for me You made me stronger Redefining a purpose This is just a story The story of our lives Now find your place of peace As you walk alongside the angels Don’t worry about this story The one that you began I can handle it from here and I’ll see you at its ending (c) Copyright - 2012 Midnight Reveries Studios All Rights Reserved This is beautiful Sin... quite moving....I read it twice and your are asking...Because it will be read at her service (which can be an emotional time for loved ones) I am going to tell you exactly what I think... There are only two words in this that I snag on when reading...That's why I read it twice...both times I snagged on the same two words... This is just a story You know how it began But don’t you cry anymore There’s no reasons left to worry I’ve known you only to be strong Single yet powerful Dominant in independence I tried to be strong like you I, too, wanted to be fearless But it was through weakness And tasting humility That I became such Life is like walking on hot coals It may seem impossible But life is just another word for pain But such can be conquered Just one step at a time Instead of "life is like walking on hot coals"....I would change it to "life can be like walking on hot coals" Instead of "But life is just another word for pain"...I would change it to "Sometimes or at times life is just another word for pain" Reason.....The way it is written makes it sound like there was "only" pain, that life was "always" like walking on hot coals...To me this diminishes the wonderful relationship mother and son shared......
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it is moving and beautiful! i feel compelled to ask though if this will be just a tribute write when you read it, or in place of your friend saying something or having something read he wrote? if the latter, i would just make extra extra sure he doesn't want to write something. i just don't think any words can replace a son's to his mother, and this is the only chance he will have in this regard, no do-overs. nonetheless, a beautiful write and tribute, he has a wonderful friend in you.
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Beautiful Sin Im sure your friend will love it.
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Very nice write. It's good to go as it is. ..thank you. |
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Very beautiful and very touching. It did bring tears to my eyes. A wonderful tribute for his mother. Awe, well, kinda what I'm going for. :D Thanks Ma. :] |
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True..
Thank you Leigh. Tis a very good point and I'm glad you pointed that out. :) |
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True.. Thank you Leigh. Tis a very good point and I'm glad you pointed that out. :) You're welcome  .....and again, a beautiful write my friend....
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it is moving and beautiful! i feel compelled to ask though if this will be just a tribute write when you read it, or in place of your friend saying something or having something read he wrote? if the latter, i would just make extra extra sure he doesn't want to write something. i just don't think any words can replace a son's to his mother, and this is the only chance he will have in this regard, no do-overs. nonetheless, a beautiful write and tribute, he has a wonderful friend in you. His mother, was the type. That was a mother to all her son's friends. I knew him for what seems like ages.. We cracked up at the Three Little Pigs song by Green Jelly In elementary together.. So, I'm writing it part from his eyes, part from my own. He asked me to speak on his behalf at the same time.. So, it's kind of like a mixture. I may read it.. ..but I may gave him 'credit' for writing it. I'm just nervous.. Never actually spoke at a funeral before.. Let alone as the main speaker. :O So, I want it to be perfect. Even re-watched Joe Paterno's funeral for ideas. You didn't have to like Joe Pa, or anything.. ..but his funeral was.. beautiful. That's what I'm going for.. She meant a lot to a lot of people.. ..anyway. Thank you for the compliment. :) |
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Beautiful Sin Im sure your friend will love it. Thank you. :) *adds the flower to his collection* I'm hoping as much. :D |
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Just... S**t, my mom has been so close to death so many times and I cannot even begin how this poem makes me feel...F**k
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Just... S**t, my mom has been so close to death so many times and I cannot even begin how this poem makes me feel...F**k ..sorry. :( Didn't mean to p*ss you off.. :( |
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Just... S**t, my mom has been so close to death so many times and I cannot even begin how this poem makes me feel...F**k ..sorry. :( Didn't mean to p*ss you off.. :( No, no, no! It's a good comment not a pissed off comment, I am one of those weird people who only cuss when there are good things |
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